Top 5 Rip-offs of all Time,

When I was writing the blog about the typewriter that had white out for ink, it got me thinking, that maybe I should make a list of the top 5 rip-offs of all time. Just so, you know, you people know what to stay away from when you are in Canada or Office World etc. You should print this post out and keep it in a pocket so you can refer to it whenever you feel doubtful about something. Lets get this puppy started.

5.) Toyota Cars. Has anyone been watching the news. Those cars are death row... on wheels. The only way you can survive in one if the brakes get sticky on you is to quickly watch the Worst Case Scenario With Bear Grylls episode where you can't use the brakes, and even that sucks. They had a recall of Toyota's but I don't know if they gave the people there money back. Knowing Toyota... well I don't want to be mean. But if any of you out there are in the market for buying a new car, I would like to encourage you NOT to go to the Toyota store. I know they have the cool mini van but you still should go and take your chances with a safer car. Perhaps Subaru or maybe an Audi or maybe a Mustang... mom.

4.) Therapy. Know I know that some of you might not agree with me, I just think it's a bad idea. This is just my opinion. I think that it is kind of stupid to pay $1000+ to go vent to somebody who is only going to write things down in his/her notebook and say "uh huh." I know it feels good to tell somebody how you really feel, but thats what mom's are for, and if the reason your in therapy is because of your mom, than go over to a friends house and tell them or tell your other relatives. I know that therapist's tell you what is going on and why, but think about it, if you dug deep inside yourself, you could find the reason to, or maybe one of you friends or relatives could. Bottom line I think that therapy is a waste of money and a bad idea. Again this is only my opinion. Feel free to disagree.

3.) The Hawaii Chair. This is an exercise machine that is supposed to... i don't even no what it's supposed to do, all the people said in the commercial was "it really works." The Hawaii Chair is a chair that goes in circles around and around will you are sitting on it. I don't know about other people but that would really suck when I was talking. "Yeah, jOOOOOOEEEEE! I will GEEEEEEEEET! those papers TOOOOO you right AWWWWAAAAYYYYYY!" LOL. All in all it really sucks so stay away from it.

2.) White Ink. As seen in my other post that i wrote a while back, my typewriter came with a set of white ink. Yes you heard me right, ink that is white. White out. How am I supposed to see that? Oh yeah I put in black pape- wait it won't fit in the typewriter, so i guess the only way that I will read it is to see if i could see the indentations on the paper. The good part is that if I make a mistake with my white ink, I can erase it with my white, white out.

1.) Canadian Bacon. Yes you heard me Canadian Bacon, or as I like to call it... ham.
Thats all it is. Its just packaged ham. If you cook it, its not bacon, its cooked ham. It just doesn't work out. So from now one, if someone you know makes a really bad rip-off, all you have to say is "you pulled a Canadian Bacon,"

Wet-Ball!

Hello, reader's, I am finally back from my aweso- my basketball camp at George Fox university. I never thought I would say I was tired of basketball, but after that I might not touch one until my next basketball camp. Don't freak out, but I think, right now, I am leaning towards not liking basketball. I know! Here is my story.

Well there I was sitting on my couch bed, in my really small dorm. I looked around the room and took it all in. It was the first time I had really been alone all day, but it was worth it. My roomate was in the bathroom, taking a shower and all the other kids had finally stopped dribbling there f***ing ball down the hallway's. Before, I was laying down, trying to relax, but I couldn't, due to the bouncing of the balls.

My roomate came into the room and almost immediately turned off the light and got in his purple sleeping bag. I decided that I liked him. All the other people that I have stayed with at a camp have been the kind of kids who wake up at 7 without an alarm, and decide that they are bored, so they wake you up. I hate those people.

I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't at all. I couldn't go to sleep, so I thought about my day. We left at 12:30 and when we were on the road we listened to mom and Thomas' valentines cd. It was beyond sappy. We got to the main building at about 1:30 and we got into a long line, to sign me up, or rather to check me in. We went to find my dorm, and than found out that we had to drive to the high school because there was a bell choir staying in there. We dropped my stuff off at the dorm and drove to a gym that was at a different high school.

Once we got there we quickly found out that we needed to have my ball, even though the list said that we didn't. (flip off, flip off.) We than, drove back to the dorm and got my ball.

We were all separated into groups and I was in the 3rd one. Our group went to a big gym, right across from the one that we were in. I took a moment to look at all the coaches and coaching staff. For privacy purposes I will not use there real names. There was a really, really white one named marion berry. Now, when I say white, I mean, white. He was wearing his socks really high and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and his shorts were pulled up to his belly button.

There was a really fit one who seemed to be pretty good, a short one, and another short one, who was the one yelling at us at that moment.

I am not going to tell you everything about camp, just the general stuff and the highlights. The cafeteria was in the back of the main building and it was a really big room. We would get in a line and get a trey and some silverware. We got to get our own drink and everything, it was like a buffet. I thought that the food was going to be good, boy was I wrong. The food was basically freeze dryed grease. It sucked balls.

When we were in the gym, when ever someone would make a 3 someone would always yell out wet-ball. It got really annoying after a while. Every 2 seconds you would hear someone yell, WET-BALL!

That is why I named this blog after it, because it was the word that I heard the most.

The next cool thing that I did was on Tuesday night, we did this thing called intensity night. It is where we do all this work out stuff like push ups, mushroom hops, super-man's, mini holes, what have you. I got the best work out that I think I have ever had... ever! It was so intense. I sweat through my entire under shirt and I was so tired that after a while it was a rest to do push-ups.

The next thing I want to say is that I learned a lot at this camp, but I didn't really like it that much.

The last thing I want to say before this is over is that I thought it was only going to be a little catholic. Wooi mama. I was wrong. there are bible quotation's everywhere you looked and on the last night a speaker came and he made us ask god to save our mortal soul. Yes, we were forced to pray.

In discussion groups we were asked to say how god has effected our life and I said that i didn't have a story and I wasn't really religious, and the coach said that if I wanted to live my life like that, "so be it." I feel so bad!

Wet-ball!

Finally...

What? To tell the truth school is out and it IS summer vacation and if I want to show a freakin' High School Musical video on my blog I will and there isn't anything you can do about it. So if you are reading this blog while listening to the awesome song, than you will replace Milo and be my new best friend, so read on.

Before we start the actual blog about the last day of school I want to clear up some miscellaneous points that i forgot to wrap up last blog. When we went to the Japanese store with a long name we bought a cool triangle hat that is supposed to be for farmers, not 12 year-old boys, but I bought it anyway. Correction: my mom bought it for us.

isn't it totally sexy on me. Don't lie. Anyway...yeah. Back to the last day of school. It started when me and Thomas drove to school to the annoying sound of Collin Cowherd's voice. Collin is a local sports radio talk show host who has a reall y annoying voice and really bad timing when it comes to commercial's. He will be in the middle of a sentence and out of now where 'Oxy-clean..." and you get the idea. I was very relieved when i got to get out of the car, though i did enjoy the ride with Thomas, just not the radio.

We all hung out on our side of the hill, just like it was a regular day of school, and it kinda felt like it was to tell the truth. it didn't smell like summer and it certainly didn't look like summer, it looked like another rainy morning in Portland. The school bell rang and we all entered the school like it was just another day of school, no one was screaming and saying that it was the last time we were going to do this... nothing.

We all put our crap in our locker and went to the gym for the Taborsan Academy awards. To make a long story short, I didn't win one, but some other good news did arise. Musashino Sensei mixed up me and Milo's grades so instead of getting a B- I got an A+. I know an A+ I was so excited, that I hugged him. That might have been a bit much though. And the cool thing is that it counts for 75% of our grade so now I am bound to get at least a B in japanese. I am so excited. I want to take a minute to thank Mr. Seigel who taught me to spell the word Excited. Thanks.

We went to Math next but it wasn't really math. Ms. Sullivan told us to pile into Groom's room to watch a Twilight Zone movie. It was really hectic because, again, there was 80-100 people in one room. The hall was also really hectic because we were all supposed to bring chairs with us and we were all doing chair races and stuff. I don't know how but once it was over my right thigh really started to hurt.

The twilight thing was pretty cool but i don't want to spend the entire blog talking about it but it was called The eye of the beholder.

After that we had Lunch. it wasn't really lunch because it was 11 but it was still a meal and I was hungry so it didn't really make a difference to me. It wasn't really that interesting, but one cool thing was that me, kenji and Russian were all wearing cool bright converse. Or as nick would say Converze. Actually I say that too but what the hell.

To be continued......................

"When in Goldendale... 2"

Everything starts when i go outside on a Friday afternoon, right after schools over, and find that my grandma, and her green little Prius, are not there. I will usually wait there and socialize with my friends and tell them that if an old lady with blonde hair coms and walks by say heck instead of hell and use the phrase, "oh my land a lot," but it turns out that grandma never walks past our group, which is good because if she walked passed us uncensored I would be transfered to Goldendale Middle school in no time.

We all socialize for a few more minutes and than I see Ella screaming and Kayla chasing her up the hill, that leads to were my posy is. It appears that she is holding a box with a barbie in it. I walk away slowly and dismiss it as the crappiest present you can get for a girl on her birthday. But than I hear Milo screaming as he takes a look at the barbie box. I decide that if Milo screams because of what is in it it probably means that I will crap my pants. I walk over there and take a look at it. It looks pretty cool. It looks like Ella's dad took it out of the box, pimped it out to make it look like Lady Gaga and than put it back in. I was pretty cool, i'll give her that, but it was nothing to be screaming over. I wave it off again and walk away, and than Milo walks over to me and asks me if I saw what was in the box.

"Yeah, its a barbie that looks like Lady Gaga, so?" I say and than Milo waves for me to come over and take a better look at the box containing the Barbie. I read the stickers on it and one says... "plus a free pair of Lady Gaga tickets for you and a friend," and I look inside the box, behind the Barbie and OMG THERE IS A PAIR OF LADY GAGA TICKETS IN THERE FOR HER AUGUST CONCERT AT THE ROSE GRADEN. OH MY... GOSH THAT IS SO COOL. All of a sudden I start to tell Ella how she is my best friend, a tactic I use when I want Kayla to give me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, at lunchtime.

Just than I see a green Prius pull up to the curb where the yellow school bus had just departed from. I silently curse to myself and signal to grandma to wait for a minute. I squeeze in another look of the tickets and I muse bout how Ella's father is not proud about getting the tickets to the concert, but how he is making a big deal of how long it took him to get the dolls hair just right. I chuckle while I walk to my grandma's car. I throw my backpack in the back seat and find my baby brother Jasper there and my backpack almost hit him.

"Be careful," my grandma said to me while I tried to maneuver my large backpack around my bothers big car-seat. I slam the door on him, still pissed that I didn't get to swoon over the tickets for as long as I wanted to, and climb into the front seat to find my grandma holding three different audio books in her hands.

"So before I sat your brother, I went to Borders and kind of went on a shopping spree, for audio books. I had already assumed that judging from the large back of colorful little boxes in the back seat, just below my brother.

"Oh really, thats cool," I said and I meant it. "Are they all Mary Higgins Clark or did you get some others?" I asked because I really didn't want to listen to another one of her story's again, especially if it was read my that person who I can't tell what gender they are.

"Oh most of them are written by her, those will be the ones we listen too," she said. "The others are just for me, when I am alone driving by myself." This made me very suspicious. The thing about grandma is that she is a very hard-core Christian, but she still watches law and Order and The Closer and "bad things" too, and that was what always confused me about her.

I nodded to her and she told me that we were going to be dropping my brother off at my mom's work. I asked why and she said because if we did drop him off at my house no one would be there to watch him. Thats when I remembered that Thomas started working Friday's and stopped working Sunday's. I liked it the way it was. Friday was an all family day and than on friday it was a manly day filled with 2K10 and changing diapers and random trips to the basketball court and bathroom....

I got out of the car after we parked in the Whole Foods parking lot (its right across the street from Woopti-do) and helped grandma get J out of the car and shut the door for her. We had a big fuss about how to lock the car. She told me to push the black button and HOLD IT DOWN but I said that the people from Toyota made it so you could just tap it and it would lock. Finally I pushed and HELD IT DOWN and of course it locked... damn you people at Toyota, you made me look stupid in front of my grandma, Thanks a lot.

When I entered my mom's hair salon I wasn't embraced my a bunch of old lady's like I usually was I was just... not greeted and not respected. I wanted them to all say hey Eli so that me and grandma could talk about it in the car to prolong listening to the audio book. The only person there when I walked in, besides my mom, was Khat and 2 of her clients, an old lady and a kid, who's gender was not readable. Khat looked at me and than nodded me off just as if I was someone who was normal. Pshh.

oh got to go. Tell you the rest when I return.