What is With all the short kids that can kick your ass?

Today as I walked t the park I was eager to get all my energy out before all the rain came in and "rained on my parade." I could see the dark storm clouds in the distance, closing i on me, watching my every move, thinking "hahahaa we are going to get you Eli." It started to sprinkle lightly and i knew that my time was going to be strictly limited due to the cloud. I started to run to escape the rain and as i did, ever so slowly, it started to stop sprinkling and the clouds parted, revealing the bright yellow sun.

As I closed in to the park I could hear the sound of a basketball being dribbled and I thought to myself yes i get to beat somebody and as i turned the corner, that led to the hoops i saw this really short really white kid playing against this girl and beating her. I thought that this guy was going to be beat so bad that he was never going to come back her again. I did my normal "i want to play a game with you" routine. I walked over to his hoop and started to shoot. We make eye contact and he seemed pretty good, he made some shots and made a really cool through the legs lay up, but than things changed.

I went up for a jump shot and I air balled it. He looked at me and said "nice shot," and than he got my ball for me. I said "thanks but i bet you can do better," and he gave me a funny look. He asked me if i wanted to play a game with him and i accepted. He walked over to his friend who was sitting on his bike watching us and said that e should watch him beat the crap out of him. I thought that this kid could never beat me.

I did my normal pre game routine, i told him he could start and i threw the ball in his face to let him know that i meant business. He started by trying to distract me by asking a bunch of questions like what school i went to and how old i was and than i fell for his fake and he went in and made a lay up. I cursed silently because i had never won a game where the other person had scored first and he seemed pretty good, so there was a good chance that that record might still be there when i wake up tomorrow.

He went into the corner and made a really hard contested 3 with my hand in his face and i gave him the ball and we checked. To keep things interesting I started to trash talk him. I asked him how tall he was and he said he was 4"7 and than i told him that was 5"5 and he said that the bigger they are the harder they fall.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked after that remark. He said no and than he went in and made a lay up. Wow. Every time i play somebody they always fall for my humor and it distracts them and it makes the game easier. but not this guy. If i wanted to win this game I was going to have to go all skill on him. He shot a 3 and aired it which mean that it was my ball, but he said that there was no outs. I said yeah there was, and he said that we could do outs. At this point i was really pissed. He was doing the whole "even though we are going to play by your rules i am still going to kick your ass" routine and I didn't like it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key. I finally got the ball and so i was going to make something of it. I had noticed that he hadn't done any behind the back moves and so i thought he didn't know that move so I was going to try it on him. I drove to the right and got really close to the rim and did a pump fake go him in the air, did a behind the back move and made a lay up. Even though it was the biggest double dribble of my life he didn't call it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key and we did the thing all over again. This time I drove left and did a behind the back move but he stole it and he did it fast like he knew it was coming. Man, he adapted fast. Now that I think about it he kind of did look like a guy that would have had no trouble blending in on the Borg Mother Ship.

A Tale Of Science,

Today, in the absence of Mr. Groom, us 6th and 7th graders did what we always do when we have a gullible sub... we took advantage of him. We started it out by taking lots of big, and long, random trips to the restroom and followed it up by doing it again and again and again.

The sub that we had today was the same trucker one as a couple months ago when Mr. Groom says that he was sick but probably was really in Reno or Las Vegas livin' in style. The first thing I noticed about him when I walked into the room was that he had shaved. No longer would he look like he belonged in a diner or saloon, but he still looked like a trucker. Thats probably from being used to the big giant beard on his chin. Just for the record his name was Mr. Fruhwirth (pronounced froowerth) I thought that that was the second most stupid name for a sub. What is the first you ask? His name was Mr. Sunken lol. After he left that classroom he probably quit his job, changed his name and moved somewhere in Canada.

Anyway, Mr. Fruhwirth told us to sit down and read the over head for the instructions. Oh great, we would be taking a test on Newton's second Law. It is so easy. I mean you can only quiz so much on the equation F=MA. There was one question that I didn't know though so I asked Milo and he gave me the answer. At this point I was wondering were Mr. Whatshisface was. When the test started he was sitting on the chair in the front of the class reading The ABC Murderer, by Agetha Cristie. I later found out that he was sitting on the table right behind were me and Milo were sitting, and he still didn't hear us... must have been a good book, good lord.

When I was done for the quiz I turned it in, but It was almost the end of the period and I didn't want to start something and than just put it away so I just got out the Science book and put my book, Dune, in front of it to make it look like I was reading the book but I was actually reading, and the 2 other guy's followed suit.

Metaphors and Simile's Gone Totally and Completely Wrong,

Today in my language arts period we were practicing metaphors and simile's to get really for a big project that we are going to be doing towards the end of the years. Yesterday we focused on metaphors and so today we get to work on simile's. If anyone that wasn't a teacher or a student was in that class he or she would surely think that the whole lot of us were insane. We said the stupidest things you could ever imagine. These are some of mine, that I wrote. Oh, and Lisa is one of my friends and so is Henry. Just incase you don't know.

Lisa was a cat purring on her owners lap, near a nice warm fireplace when she was told that she had finally passed Ms. Sullivan's class.

Lisa was more hyper than a high clown who has mental problems when she ate the donut Mr Seigel Gave her for her birthday.

My mom was an exploding volcano when she found out that she accidentally dyed her hair an ugly dark green color.

Lisa was a dark storm cloud when she spilled green and red food coloring into her quaker's Cream'O'Wheat.

My father was an exploding Mt St. Helens when he saw that his cat had drunk his Fiesta Margarita and spilled the remaining ice on the vomit colored floor.

Now this one doesn't make any sense just F.Y.I.

Henry was a stupid 12 year old adolescent with a Sacramento Kings hat on when he wanted to play charades with Milo and Eli.

Well thats it, join us next time on... to tell a simile.

IT CAME IT CAME IT CAAAAAME!!

Yesterday i got picked up by my mom after school and when I got into the small Volkswagon I had this growing suspicion that my phone had come and she was going to do something special to give it to me. We had our daily talk about how our day was and how Jasper was and while this is happening she takes out her blackberry and pushes some buttons and holds it in her left hand while she is driving.

I'm thinkin' what the hell are you doing? And than all of a sudden I hear this weird and funky ringtone that I had never heard before. The first thing I thought was that my mom had changed her ringtone and that someone was calling her but than she picks up this black phone from in the side of her seat and says "looks like your phone is ringing."

I of course go into a big fit and start saying "i love you," and "thank you," over and over and over again. She is smiling while I am saying this and than she tells me that we are going to go to the bank and she is going to make a deposit. And i'm thinking, yes! more time with my phone.

I absolutely love it so much.

"When in Goldendale... 2"

Everything starts when i go outside on a Friday afternoon, right after schools over, and find that my grandma, and her green little Prius, are not there. I will usually wait there and socialize with my friends and tell them that if an old lady with blonde hair coms and walks by say heck instead of hell and use the phrase, "oh my land a lot," but it turns out that grandma never walks past our group, which is good because if she walked passed us uncensored I would be transfered to Goldendale Middle school in no time.

We all socialize for a few more minutes and than I see Ella screaming and Kayla chasing her up the hill, that leads to were my posy is. It appears that she is holding a box with a barbie in it. I walk away slowly and dismiss it as the crappiest present you can get for a girl on her birthday. But than I hear Milo screaming as he takes a look at the barbie box. I decide that if Milo screams because of what is in it it probably means that I will crap my pants. I walk over there and take a look at it. It looks pretty cool. It looks like Ella's dad took it out of the box, pimped it out to make it look like Lady Gaga and than put it back in. I was pretty cool, i'll give her that, but it was nothing to be screaming over. I wave it off again and walk away, and than Milo walks over to me and asks me if I saw what was in the box.

"Yeah, its a barbie that looks like Lady Gaga, so?" I say and than Milo waves for me to come over and take a better look at the box containing the Barbie. I read the stickers on it and one says... "plus a free pair of Lady Gaga tickets for you and a friend," and I look inside the box, behind the Barbie and OMG THERE IS A PAIR OF LADY GAGA TICKETS IN THERE FOR HER AUGUST CONCERT AT THE ROSE GRADEN. OH MY... GOSH THAT IS SO COOL. All of a sudden I start to tell Ella how she is my best friend, a tactic I use when I want Kayla to give me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, at lunchtime.

Just than I see a green Prius pull up to the curb where the yellow school bus had just departed from. I silently curse to myself and signal to grandma to wait for a minute. I squeeze in another look of the tickets and I muse bout how Ella's father is not proud about getting the tickets to the concert, but how he is making a big deal of how long it took him to get the dolls hair just right. I chuckle while I walk to my grandma's car. I throw my backpack in the back seat and find my baby brother Jasper there and my backpack almost hit him.

"Be careful," my grandma said to me while I tried to maneuver my large backpack around my bothers big car-seat. I slam the door on him, still pissed that I didn't get to swoon over the tickets for as long as I wanted to, and climb into the front seat to find my grandma holding three different audio books in her hands.

"So before I sat your brother, I went to Borders and kind of went on a shopping spree, for audio books. I had already assumed that judging from the large back of colorful little boxes in the back seat, just below my brother.

"Oh really, thats cool," I said and I meant it. "Are they all Mary Higgins Clark or did you get some others?" I asked because I really didn't want to listen to another one of her story's again, especially if it was read my that person who I can't tell what gender they are.

"Oh most of them are written by her, those will be the ones we listen too," she said. "The others are just for me, when I am alone driving by myself." This made me very suspicious. The thing about grandma is that she is a very hard-core Christian, but she still watches law and Order and The Closer and "bad things" too, and that was what always confused me about her.

I nodded to her and she told me that we were going to be dropping my brother off at my mom's work. I asked why and she said because if we did drop him off at my house no one would be there to watch him. Thats when I remembered that Thomas started working Friday's and stopped working Sunday's. I liked it the way it was. Friday was an all family day and than on friday it was a manly day filled with 2K10 and changing diapers and random trips to the basketball court and bathroom....

I got out of the car after we parked in the Whole Foods parking lot (its right across the street from Woopti-do) and helped grandma get J out of the car and shut the door for her. We had a big fuss about how to lock the car. She told me to push the black button and HOLD IT DOWN but I said that the people from Toyota made it so you could just tap it and it would lock. Finally I pushed and HELD IT DOWN and of course it locked... damn you people at Toyota, you made me look stupid in front of my grandma, Thanks a lot.

When I entered my mom's hair salon I wasn't embraced my a bunch of old lady's like I usually was I was just... not greeted and not respected. I wanted them to all say hey Eli so that me and grandma could talk about it in the car to prolong listening to the audio book. The only person there when I walked in, besides my mom, was Khat and 2 of her clients, an old lady and a kid, who's gender was not readable. Khat looked at me and than nodded me off just as if I was someone who was normal. Pshh.

oh got to go. Tell you the rest when I return.

Awaiting My New Phone,

Hello, everybody. Well I guess I should start at the very beginning, for this story. Back, oh, about 6 months ago I got all inspired to save up enough money to buy myself a nice, decent phone, as apposed to the one that I have now... I never made it. At one point I had saved up $150, but that was when I started to buy a lot of Basketball autographs online. In between all of the autographs and sudden loss of money to my dad, I lost faith in getting a phone for myself.

But the story goes on... 6 months later, me and my grandma are driving up to her house and we are talking about Blackberry phones, and she asks me "hey Eli aren't you going to get a new phone this month," and from that moment on I was obsessed with getting a new phone to replace my excuse of a phone....

Me and my mom are on the couch and she looks at her computer and tells me that my new every 2 (when I get a new phone) is on the next day. I start to flip out because I am finally able to replace my phone. We look at phones online and I fall in love with an LG phone called the Cosmos. I am so exited to order it the next day. All I can think about at school is that phone. The qwerty keyboard... *drool.*

So people get down on your knees and pray. Ask God for forgiveness, since you are looking at something that you are not worthy to even set your eyes upon. Behold... the LG Cosmos!





And this phone will come in handy because I am thinking about getting a Twitter account and you can tweet from this without using the internet! COOL!

Birthday Party planning...

I know, I know. Its not going to be anyones birthday for a while but its never to early to start planning. Lately, I have been hearing about a lot of birthday parties and just birthdays, and it got me thinking. What if Jaspers 1st birthday was tomorrow? We would have an awesome party but what would the theme be? Oh I got it... we could have a party with a wooden spoon theme. We could decorate our house with wooden spoons and we could call the Ace of Cakes and have them make us a chocolate wooden spoon cake. That would be awesome. But if we think realistically that probably won't ever happen unless we come into some money in a few months.

And for my moms 29th birthday next year... I would... I don't know. Maybe I could give her a gift card to the beauty supply, or something like that.

I got nothing.

Sicky, sicky, sicky,

I don't remember how, but somehow I woke up in the middle of the night and I was sweating a lot. I felt the urge to get myself out of bed and get a glass of water. But I was to lazy and I never got around to it. I lay there and felt the urge to take a look at my clock. But I was too smart. I know that If I look at the clock, sitting on my bed-side table, I would never go to sleep because there would be to much pressure to go back to sleep.

I went back to sleep for a brief amount of time before I woke myself up again. My grandma said later, that it was probably the rain that woke me up. I knew that I would later regret it, but I looked at my alarm clock and was surprised to see that it was 10 till' 7. I lay on my bed for a little longer to get a little bit more rest, and than I got off my lazy butt and went pee. While I was going pee, an idea jumped into my head that Mythbusters was on at 7. I really liked that show, but it wasn't on during the weekend, while I was at grandma's and my mom wouldn't let me watch it without a fight. I walked out to the living room to see if grandma was awake, and I found that she was. I asked myself "who gets up this early," and than I started laughing really hard, realizing the irony of my statement.

I went back into my bedroom and got the remote off the top of the television. I carefully turned on the t.v and started watching Myhtbusters. Somehow, when I was watching it, I got to feel really crappy.

My head got real dizzy and it also started to ache really bad. My nose started to clog up and I couldn't breath. I felt like a dog because I was watching t.v with my mouth wide open... lol. It kinda sucked!!

"While in Goldendale,"

Goldendale is a small little town just barely in Washington state. The population of this freakishly small town is 3500 people! That is why I feel good whenever I come down here. I feel like I am adding to the population, making it a bigger and better town. I am confused by this little town, though, because when I am up here visiting grandma everything seems so... weird and set up. But when I meet natives from here that have been here for a while its like living in New York. They trash talk a lot and compared to my experiences here with grandma, its just a little bit confusing.

One funy thing that is going to be happening today, is that there is going to be a big funeral for somebody that died in the war. And as it turns out 2 bus fulls of army men will be attending. A lot of army men+family+singers+pastor greg+small church=total and complete awesomeness. But wait I'm not over yet. There is a group of guys coming down from Tennessee to PROTEST the war while the funeral is happening!!!!Just imagine coming to a funeral in a small town in a very small church with 100 people AND protesters in the background! I can't wait to see what happens.

Oh I don't Know,

Oh i don't know what to say right now. A couple of days ago they came out with the new blogs of note list... and mine wasn't on it. But I am still sort of a rookie in my long blog career. I plan to blog for my entire life. But don't believe it because I am not the type of person that can make a big commitment. Like if I sat down at my desk and said "okay, Eli, now its time to write the first chapter of your soon to be great american novel," I wouldn't be able to do it because some where along there the thing I said would wear me down and I would eventually say "it can wait for tomorrow." But if I take a slow steady approach to it, I can do it easier.

When I first started to write this blog I said that it was going to be one of "the greatest blogs of all time..." But now that I am actually a blogger, its not doing what I thought it would do... but it doesn't need to right now. But in a few years I believe that this will be a popular blog. But who knows? Not me. I don't know what the hell is going to happen. What would happen if my blog did become a popular one. Than I would have the feeling, whenever I wrote that I was writing for 500 people. Not just 8. Or I guess 9 because my mom reads it.

Thats all I can say for now...

WOOPTI-DO: THE PRODUCTION, PART 2

PART 2: THE DANCE. SCENE 3
ELI IS WALKING DOWN THE HALL TO GET TO THE PHONE, THE HALLWAY IS VERY CROWDED WITH ALL THE PEOPLE GOING TO THE DANCE. ELI GOES INTO THE OFFICE AND WAITS BEHIND 2 PEOPLE.
LADY#1: MAN, THE PHONE ISN'T WORKING.
LADY#2: WHY NOT? WHATS WRONG?
LADY#1: THE 9 BUTTON DOSN'T WORK.
LADY#2 WHAT? ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE IN CALIFORNIA?
LADY#1: NO WE ARE SUPPOSED TO PRESS 9 BEFORE WE DIAL THE NUMBER.
ELI: CAN YOU HURRY UP, I NEED TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT CALL.
LADY#1: WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT. THE DAMN 9 BUTTON WON'T WORK.
ELI: OK (CALLS MOM, THE 9 BUTTON WORKS PERFECTLY.)
STACI: HEY BABY WHATS UP?
ELI: OH NOT MUCH. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
STACI: OH, YOU KNOW LOTS OF BADNESS AND WORK.
ELI: COOL. SO GUESS WHAT?
STACI: WHAT?
ELI: WELL AS IT TURNS OUT THERE IS ACTUALLY A DANCE TODAY AND YOU KNOW... I HAVN'T BEEN TO ONE YET SO COULD I USE MY BUS MONEY TO GO?
STACI: UM... I GUESS YOU COULD WALK AFTER ITS OVER. WHAT TIME IS IT OVER?
ELI: ITS OVER AT... 5 I THINK.
STACI: OK CAN YOU CALL ME ON YOUR WAY HOME.
ELI: OH YEAH, TOTALY.
STACI: OKAY HAVE FUN, BABY.
ELI: YEAH, BYE.
STACI: BYE.
ELI: (HANGS UP THE PHONE AND STARTS TO GO TO HIS LOCKER TO PUT ALL OF HIS CRAP IN THERE AND THAN GOES UP TO THE PEOPLE AND GIVES THEM HIS MONEY AND WALKS INTO THE CAFETERIA, THE ROOM IS POORLY LIGHT AND THE MUSIC IS VERY VERY BAD. ELI GOES TO BACK OF THE ROOM AND FINDS HIS FRIENDS KENJI, ELLA, KAYLA, WILLIAM AND AKIKO THERE.)
WILLIAM: HEY... ELI'S HERE.
KENJI: WHER- OH HE IS! HEY MAN.
ELI: HELLO.
KENJI: IS THIS YOUR FIRST DANCE.
ELI: YEAH IT IS WHY?
KENJI: IT SUCKS! THE DJ'S ARE ALL POSERS AND THE MUSIC IS REALLY, REALLY CRAPPIE.
WILLIAM: YEAH THE OTHER ONES WERE WAY WAY BETTER THAN THIS ONE.
ELI: OH.
KENJI: YEAH, WE HEARD THAT THE SMALL GYM IS GOING TO BE OPEN UNTILL 5 SO WE COULD DO THAT IF NO ONES WANTS TO STAY AND LISTEN TO POSER DJ'S AND CRAPPIE MUSIC.
ELI: YEAH TOTALY LETS DO IT.
WILLIAM: OKAY, WE NEED TO GO AND GET THE BASKETBALL FROM MY LOCKER FIRST.
ELI: SG!
KENJI: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN STAND FOR?
ELI: SOUNDS GOOD.
KENJI: OH... OH! THAT MAKES SENSE.
ELI: (THEY ALL GOE TO WILLIAMS LOCKER AND GET A SMALL ORANGE BASKETBALL.)

SCENE 4: THE GYM.
KENJI: MAN, I KEEP FORGET HOW LIGHT THIS BALL REALLY IS. IT MAKES THE BALL GO REALLY REALLY FAR.
ELI: I LIKE IT! ITS EASIER TO SHOOT WITH A SMALL BALL BECAUSE YOU CAN GRIP IT BETTER.
KENJI: GIGITY!
ELI: HA!
WILLIAM: ELI, SHOOT IT.
ELI: OKAY (DRAINS IT AND WILLIAM GIVES HIM THE BALL BACK TO SHOOT IT AGAIN. ELI MAKES IT AGAIN)
KENJI: OH! 2 IN A ROW! NICE. WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO SHOOT THE LONG BALL?
ELI: WELL I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO SHOOT IT BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT IN FRONT OF YOU GUYS. (ELI MAKES IT 3 MORE TIMES AND THEY ALL PLAY A GAME)
DONE... FOR NOW... YEAH... GIGGITY

The Little Boy at The Bus Stop,

This is my record of all the times that I was sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to get to the stop and sitting next to weird people. Really really weird people.

February 16th 4:00 pm: I reluctantly leave my little posy of people that hang out in front of the school and go to wait at the bus stop. Every time I wait at the bus stop it feels like I am waiting for something that isn't even going to come, I feel like I should be walking to my mom's work instead of riding the bus. I get there and find my "friend" Chase there with this other guy that I have seen playing basketball before. He plays on the court to the left of the one that we all play on. He doesn't really look like he is that good, but what do I know?
"Hey, your that kid!" Says Chase.
"Yes I believe I am that kid," I said back and I kept glancing at the kid who was next to her. He keeps staring at me like he expects me to do something.
"Wuzzup," says the guy who is standing next to her, and he gives me the little high-five and fist bump thing and I hesitantly do it back. He seemed like an ominous character. I could imagine him being on of those people who try's to skateboard and than falls on his ass really hard. Haha! I also thought that he might have done drugs before. He looked like one of those people who pretends to do drugs and than go's up to his mom and talks about all those people who did drugs. "Mommy, those people are very bad... *sniff*!" He was wearing a dark red beanie. I had never seen him not wearing it before. I personally thought that he had a really big bald spot on his head that his mom cut off in the middle of the night when she got home from the bar's.
They're was a pause and than he got really close to me and asked me "hey do you smoke?" He asked it in a way like he thought that I already did smoke.
And so in a really funny voice I said back "no I don't believe that I have ever smoked before," and he started looking at me funny.
"Are you playin' with me? I don't like it when people do that!"
"Aww thats to bad, I feel really sorry for you."
"Hey do you want me to beat you up!"
"No I want to know how tall you are, your so short! Its really funny." He was also really really white. He was as white as this kid Will who goes to my school.
And than he pushed me and I quickly got out of the way and said "look it's the bus," and he got so freakin' mad.
It was really funny!

Mother's Day Slavery *cough cough* I mean Preparation,

Well to start it off, there's mother's day an than there is fathers day... but what about us? What about all the kids in the world who work all day long and help there mom's and dad's all day long... no! We don't get any appreciation. You see, in Japan they celebrate children's day on May 18th. The kids don't have to go to school, they get presents and all this stuff. But not here in America. Us American's are so blinded.
So, anyway back to mother's day. Right when I woke up I was thinking "oh crap, I need to make something for my mom before its too late." The last few years I have forgotten to get or make any thing for my mom and she always says that it's okay, and than she goes into the bathroom and cries all day long. Yes mom... I saw that.
Thomas said that today we were going to clean around the house to make my mom happy when she got home from work. I thought it was stupid because if I were Staci I would have seen this coming from a mile away, I would have been all over it. So when my mom left we got started. I turned on the tube to motivate us to work hard and than all of a sudden I got tired and so I sat down and watched t.v. I felt bad because Thomas was doing all the cleaning and I was just sitting there, on my butt watching a basketball game. I am a horrible person.
All of a sudden, out of no where I got my energy back, but I didn't want to clean at all so I went over to the park and played some basketball. I played pretty well I guess.
When I came back as usual Thomas told me to be quiet by shushing me and so I was quiet.
We watched t.v for a good part of the day, and than grandma and Marisa came over to hang out with the baby. I was so hungry, so I begged Thomas, on my knees to got to BurgerKing and so we did. Yummy.
So I guess it wasn't really slavery.

BOREDOM IN THE FORM OF HAIR CUTS,

SCENE 1
(ELI WALKS IN TO THE HAIR SALON) ELI: I AM HERE, EVERYBODY! (FAKE ENTHUSIASM)
MICHELE: HEY, ELI! (FAKE ENTHUSIASM)
ELI: HELLO.
SHIRLEY: (LOOKS AT ELI OVER HER GLASSES) HEY ELI (RASPY VOICE)
ELI: (NODS AND KEEPS ON HEADING TOWARDS THE BACK ROOM)
STACI: (WALKS INTO BACK ROOM AND STARTS TO MIX HAIR COLOR) OH HEY BABE, HOW WAS YOUR WALK OVER HERE?
ELI: UM... IT WAS PRETTY COOL. I WORE MY CONVERSE TODAY AND MY FEET REALLY HURT RIGHT NOW. (SHOWS STACI HIS FOOT AND MAKES A SAD FACE)
STACI: AWW PORE BABY I'M SORRY.
ELI: ME TOO. THE COOL THING WAS THAT I LISTENED TO MY IPOD AND WHEN A DRAMATIC SONG CAME ON I WOULD WALK REALLY SLOWLY AND PRETEND I WAS IN A MOVIE.
STACI: (LAUGHS) OH L.O.L.
JODIE: (ENTERS THE BACK ROOM) HEY EVERYBODY, OH HEY ELI.
ELI: (NODS AND GOES BACK TO UNPACKING HIS BAG)
STACI: WHATS IN THE BLACK CASE?
JODIE: OH EVERYBODY CHECK THIS OUT.
ELI: WHAT IS IT?
JODIE: I WENT TO THE APPLE STORE AND GOT AN IPAD.
ELI: NO! NO!
JODIE: WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD?
ELI: WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD? WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD? NOW YOUR GONNA BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WALKS AROUND WITH THEIR IPAD TO GET ATTENTION.
JODIE: I DIDN'T GET IT FOR ATTENTION.
ELI: WELL THAN WHAT DID YOU GET IT FOR?
JODIE: BECAUSE IT LOOKED COOL.
ELI: SO YOU JUST WENT INTO THE APPLE STORE AND JUSTGOT AND IPAD. YOU DON'T GO IN THERE WITH OUT HAVING A CLEAR PICTURE IN YOUR MIND OF WHAT YOU WANT.
JODIE: I JUST GOT AND IPAD... OKAY! (WALKS OUT OF ROOM... QUITE FAST)
ELI: BUT ITS ALL TRUE.

SCENE 2
(IN THE FRONT ROOM, ALL THE HAIR CHAIRS ARE FULL AND ELI IS SITTING ON THE DESK, EVERYBODY IS DOING HAIR AND IS BUSY)
SHIRLEY: (WALKS OVER TO JODIE) DO YOU HAVE ANY 6NN?
JODIE: NO, WHY?
SHIRLEY: I'M ALL OUT I USED IT ALL ON TASHA, MAN SHE WANTED A BUTT-LOAD OF COLOR IN HER HAIR. WHATS IN THE BLACK CASE?
JODIE: OH I GOT AN IPAD, YESTERDAY. IT IS SO COOL.
SHIRLEY: I DON'T NEED AN IPAD, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR IT.
JODIE: MAN, YOU SHOULD GET IT, IT DOES EVERYTHING.
SHIRLEY: SO? OH THATS MY CLIENT GOTTA GO.
ELI: (THINKS THAT SHIRLEY IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO PRETENDS TO NOT WANT AN IPAD, BUT IN THE BACK OF HER MIND IS SO JEALOUS.) (ELI THINKS HAHAHA! WHILE SITTING AT THE DESK AND SMILING.)
END OF PLAY... FOR NOW.

My Sleepy Little Mother Takes a Well Deserved Nap (She made me make that the title, just F.W.I)

Over the last 2 days my mom, I have noticed, has been picking me up from school really late. I mean, not that I really care all that much considering the fun the me and Russian and Kayla have taking pictures of our self's with her camera-phone and sending them to each other, but it's been kind of cold and wet lately and I've been looking forward to driving home.
Today, after school I got out and went out-side to find Kayla waiting their for us. I always like going to our spot after school because I am never the first one there. I am never the one who has to briefly stand there alone by him-self, waiting for all your other friends to get there. I am never the guy who all the 8th graders feel sorry for because they think I have no friends. No, I am not that guy. And I was wondering today after I arrived at the spot, what if I was "that guy?"
"Hey, Eli," she says. I nod and go to stand in my regular spot, just under Mr. Bacon's room.
"You know that Mr Bacon is going to be back from Japan, tomorrow, Eli," the Russian said.
"Aww crap," I said, while applying center of pal forcefully to forehead. "But I don't think he will actually be AT school, maybe he will take the day off because he JUST got back and he is really tired."
"Probably not," Russian said "he would teach the day the world ended if he had to."
Just than Kayla's mom's car pulled over and honked at kayla. She said goodbye and got in it.
I noticed that her mom's window was open so I thought it would be funny to scream "wait I thought that guy you were with got in the car to," right as they turned the corner, but I don't think that they heard me.
Shortly after that my mom's car came around and motioned for me to get in. I tried to walk as slowly as I could to the car so when I got in it she would call me "Slowy McSlowerson" again. I like it when she says that. We went to the insurance place to get me some new insurance, because I no longer had any. While she was inside the store I turned on the radio to Z100 and Me and The McJazzerson had A dance party in the car. At one point he got really P.Oed so I gave him his bink and we just went right back on Rockin'&Rollin'.... Oh L.O.L.
When My mom got back out from inside the... place, I quickly turned off the radio and put the bink in 105.6 smooth jazz's mouth so I would seem more inconspicuous.
We drove home and she parked in the drive way and told me that she felt she deserved to have a nap. I said "whatever" thinking that once she was asleep I could yell and wake everybody up.
She fell asleep rather (yes... rather) fast and so I tried to stealt the keys from her hands but failed and she woke up and scolded me for it and than she quietly went back to sleep. And all this time I'm thinkin'how the hell can you fall asleep in a car... I can't even take a nap in the middle of the day.
Once she was really asleep I moved my position and tried to open my door as quietly as I could and I succeeded, she didn't wake up or even move a muscle. I closed the door and she still didn't move at all. I thought that it was really funny.
I crossed over to the other side of the car and started making faces at my sleeping mother. I had to hold all my laughter in so I wouldn't wake her up, but once it was to much, all my laughter came out in one loud brief SNNNNOOORT!And she still didn't wake up.
I walked around the car and looked at it, and than I ran across the street for no apparent reason and than came back. I did this many more times and once a UPS truck almost hit me... AAAAAHHHH.
I spent the next 10 minutes just playing around and seeing how far I could run away from the car without her noticing that I wasn't there. I made it to the baseball diamond, about 30 yards away, but I was to chicken to go further than that.

So now we are about 15 minutes into the nap and I really have to go pee. I don't think that it would be right to wake my mother from her nap to get the keys so I just go pee on a tree in the back yard of the house.
When I got back from urinating my mom had already woken up and thats when it hit me... TAKE ONE MORE NAP!!!!!