Poor Jo

Me and my mom watch this show sometimes, called Supernanny. We like watching tis show because it helps me feel good about myself and my family. It makes me feel responsible, compared to the kids on the show.
Me and my mom were watching this one about two parents, a stay-at-home mom and a work-at-home dad. They have two kids, one of them is 11 and in 5th grade and the other one is 9 and is in 3rd grade. Le be start up by saying that they are both @#$%ing stupid.
"Can I do my homework at 9 instead of 8:55, please?" Says the kid.
"No," says the mom.
"But i want to put it off, mom," says the kid again.
"Oh okay, fine," says the mom... way to stick up for the kids future. No no its okay he can grow up to be an uneducated garbage man who gets his meals from other peoples trash.
I always feel sorry for Jo, the "Supernany."
Poor Jo.

Breaking Wind

It was 7th period... science class. We were discussing particles and kinetic energy. He asked us to give him an example. Little did I know it I was about to have a big example.
2 hours earlier
I sat down next to my friend Nick at lunch, seeing that my mom had packed me chocolate. Oh chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.I was these chocolate covered raisins that we had bought at Winco (R) 1 day previous. I loved them so much I gobbled them down so fast it was almost like... well never mind.
Anyway I threw away the bag, had recess and before i knew it I was in health class learning about (snort) families.
All of a sudden there was this feeling inside of me. I felt like I had to fart. So i did, and no one seemed to notice. I farted again and nobody noticed. After a while I decided to just go to the bathroom and get all my fartage out there. Unfortunately, I didn't.
We moved on to science, when health was over. We were getting ready to do a lab on testing air particles. When out of no were I heard a volcano erupt. Than I realized what had happened. My teacher Mr. Groom stared in horror at me. It was the biggest fart ever. I widened my eyes and looked at my friend Kai.
Now they call him Fartboy.

Rancid smells good.

Anyone that knows me, knows that my favorite band has and always will be, The Ramones. Bit last week on the bus I discovered a band that I absolutely loved. Rancid.

My mom's old boyfriend, Ron had put a bunch of random songs on my I pod when i first got it. at first i didn't really care about the songs that had been there i had just listened to the new stuff that my mom had put on there, like Lady Gaga and Kris Allen.

I was on the bus, on my way to my mom's hair salon after school. I was listening to my Ipod, kind of exploring what Ron had but on there. There was The Milkmen, Dig and... Rancid? I new that Rancid had been on my Ipod, but I had never taken the time to actually listen to any of the songs. I said what the heck to myself. I pressed the middle button and was suddenly was captivated by the sounds that the band made.

I was in love with this band. I listened to Ruby Soho at least 3 times before i stopped. It was amazing music.

Now i think that Rancid is my favorite band. I know weird, right.

My dad learns how to play basketball

I woke up, feeling very nauseous. I got myself up and propped myself up on my pillow.

My mom would kill me if i woke up to early, she would say "you need to sleep more!" And i would always say "Mom i am a big boy now i don't need to sleep for 11 hours anymore," and she would give me a funny look.

I heaved myself off of my bed. My heels felt like i had been standing for 3 hours, which is weird because i had just slept for 11 hours. I quickly walked into the bathroom and went to the pee. I slowly opened the door in case my mom had already woken up. I walked downstairs and laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. Yes i got out of bed to fall asleep downstairs.

The next thing i now my mom is waking me up.

"What time did you wake up Eli?" She asked me.

"Aww i love you to, mom," i said sarcastically. She laughed. She told me that she was going to go pretty soon and i said okay that's cool. After she left I started playing my basketball video-game when i heard my phone vibrate. I checked to see who it was. It was my dad. He was the best person i have ever known and we hadn't talked in a while.

The text said:

Hey Eli I am in Portland right now and i have to be to Gresham by 4 but i have a pretty lax schedule between now and then. Would yo mind if i dropped in to your home and hang out there for a while.

I replied by saying ya sure.

2 HOURS LATER

Me and my dad had decided to play a game of basketball. He wasn't that good at first but with my great teaching skills and his great hand eye coordination he started making most of his shots. He even made a DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP three pointer.

I was on fire through the whole thing. I didn't miss a single jumpshot.

After we were done we went inside and watched Star Trek...

"Set fazers on hell yeah."

Pigman?!?!? What the hell?

In my Language Arts class we started reading a book called... The Pigman. It is a good book that i can relate to. The main charactor has CGS.

Anyway today was an interesting day. In my 1st peiriod class we had a sub from Martinique in the Dominican Rebublic. He sang us a song from his home country. It was pretty weird.

The next class we also had a sub but we just took advantage of him, of course. In math one of my friends brought one of those Marti graw cakes and i wanted to get the baby because I wanted to be King for the rest of the day. But unfortunately my friends got the baby. (He was naked.)
Coolness
And finally in Language we read that Pigman book.

“But I gave up all that kid stuff now that I’m a sophomore. The only thing I do now that is faintly
criminal is write on desks.”

No Kai, thats not what she said.

My friend Kai is a very laughable person. He thinks just about everything is funny. When i say something like "what did you say?" And he star cracking up and say "what did you sex?"
Oh my god, kai.
It was February 16th, we had a sub in science. The sub said something and Kai said "thats what she said" about 8 times in that one sentence the sub said.

Thats it, Kai.

West cant pull it off... i blame the uniform designer.

The 59th Allstar game came down to the wire. Carmello Anthony lead the West the whole way through, probably because coach George Carl wanted to show the world that Carmello was an Allstar.

Without the best of the West (Brandon Roy, Kobe Bryant and Chris Paul) the West could not win the Allstar game. Mello tried to see what he could do but the East were just to good.

This Allstar game will go down in history as the biggest sell out of all time. Cowboy Stadium could only hold about 80,000 people but ended up holding "108,000 of our closest friends," says Ernie Johnson.

Sometime in the 1st half Dwight Howard, a 7 foot center shot a 3 pointer. The world has officially gone insane.

The bad jerseys might have had something to do with this loss to.

The final score ended up being 141 to 139 East win. All in all... best Allstar game I have ever seen

NBA Allstar Game in Dallas.

The NBA all star game in Dallas is one of the top sporting events in the year.

I personally am routing for the west because my main man Brandon Roy was an Allstar for the 3rd straight time.

But sadly he wont be able to play because of a hurt hamstring.

Instead Chris Kamen, Of the Los Angeles Clippers will play for him... a center replacing a shooting guard... hmm.

But the east are a pretty good team to with A well deserved Allstar David Lee, Al Horeford, Rajon Rondo and of course my second main man Allen Iverson. But Allen wont be playing because of "personal resons."

Thats what they all say Allen. Today (February 13th) i watched the East peactice. Dwight Howard broke the world record of longest shot sitting down. He shot a shot 73 feet back, sitting on the floor!

Lebron James attempted to beat the world record of halfcourt shots in a minute (5). He only made 3 but he was shooting it like a jumpshot.

Anyway Allstar game tommorrow, go West.

CGS (Chronic Guilt Syndrome)

CGS (Chronic Guilt Syndrome) is a disease that few have.

CGS happens when you get guilty about something that you had nothing to do with. Like if you are watching a movie and something bad happens to the main character and you blame yourself. I have CGS, myself.

One time me and my mom were watching locked up abroad and this lady went to prison because some dude stuffed her bag with pot. Halfway through the show i just burst out crying because i felt so sorry and it made me feel so guilty.

Side effects include: Chronic sorry saying, random coughing, crying, random pregnancies, blood cots.

The Dance

To day at my school all anyone could talk about was the school dance.

"Are you going to the dance?"

"Who are you going with?"

But it sucked for me because i didn't have an answer to any of these questions. All i could say was:

"Oh I'm not going."

At the end of the day there was a line that ran around the school 2 times for people that wanted too go to the dance. I wasn't in that line, I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for my Mom to take me home.

The good news was that afterwards we went to get cloths for my brother and we went to this totally bomb Thai restaurant!

My Report Card

Well, on February 10th 2010 I got my report card back... What happened was me and my mom came into the house. I was all jazzed because my favorite song was on the radio. I noticed that on the stairs my brothers babysitter, Robin got the mail. On the bottom i saw a blue paper. Oh my biggest fear, the blue report card. We opened it and... well you get the point but now I have to do better, and I will because my Mom will be breathing down my neck for six more years!