Part 2 of the Hitchhikers Anonymous Pentology,

Yesterday we were told, before we left, that we had to leave OMSI at 8 in the morning. Yes, that meant that I had to get up at 6. I nearly cried at the thought of getting up at 6 in the summer, to go wind surfing.

I got out of bed and put on my sweatshirt and swimsuit so i was ready to go swimming. I than went downstairs and fixed myself some blueberry pancakes and sat there, listening to sappy pop songs on my ipod. As I was getting to "Can't be Tamed," by Miley Cyrus when I heard the fain footsteps of my mom coming down the stairs. I quickly got off my Ipod and went into the kitchen to greet her with a hug. She enthusiastically hugged me back. I waited for a while, until Thomas took me to the OMSI building. On the way there we listened to ESPN Sports radio 10.80 The Fan.

The parking lot was empty, because it was so freaking early in the morning. We were the first ones there and so we waited for the check in to open and than Thomas checked me in. It was so freaking cold that I actually rolled down my sleeves. I know, right!

Once everyone got there, we went to the bathroom in the turbine hall. While everyone was taking care of there business, I was throwing paper planes down the elevator shaft. I never got caught. [fast forward] We got off the bus and started to eat our snacks. Before we went into the water we had to have our wet-suits fitted. This took like 8 hours because everyone didn't know how to put them on. I took like 2 seconds because mine was a perfect fit. And than they told us that we had to put on booties and a life jacket. Last year we didn't even wear a wet-suit, we roughed it, i only wore a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I almost drowned....

Once everybody had there wet suit on we went over to the river where we were taught how to wind surf. The thing that made me mad was there was 2 different kinds of 180's. There was an up wind 180 and a down wind 180. What's the difference, they both turn you around.

We, than, had lunch and then it was time to get into the water. I walked down to the shore and put a toe in the water. It was really warm. Slowly I took more step's until I was waist deep. it was freezing once you got to waist deep, and than it was the hard part. I had to put my genital area under the water. That hurt so much, man. I rode around on a board for a while until one of the life guards offered to help me actually wind surf. I said sure, and crawled onto the board. I hoisted up the mast and than
"plop!" I fell in backwards. My entire body was soaked now, and I was freezing.

I tried to do this so many more times, but every time I fell on my ass in the water. I never actually wind surfed. If I could name the field trip I would call it, Ass Wetting Boarding. I was soaked after that, and when we got out of the water, my feet got all sandy. YUK!

Tomorrow is gliding. Yep, falling out of the sky in a plane without a motor. Sigh.

Top 5 Rip-offs of all Time,

When I was writing the blog about the typewriter that had white out for ink, it got me thinking, that maybe I should make a list of the top 5 rip-offs of all time. Just so, you know, you people know what to stay away from when you are in Canada or Office World etc. You should print this post out and keep it in a pocket so you can refer to it whenever you feel doubtful about something. Lets get this puppy started.

5.) Toyota Cars. Has anyone been watching the news. Those cars are death row... on wheels. The only way you can survive in one if the brakes get sticky on you is to quickly watch the Worst Case Scenario With Bear Grylls episode where you can't use the brakes, and even that sucks. They had a recall of Toyota's but I don't know if they gave the people there money back. Knowing Toyota... well I don't want to be mean. But if any of you out there are in the market for buying a new car, I would like to encourage you NOT to go to the Toyota store. I know they have the cool mini van but you still should go and take your chances with a safer car. Perhaps Subaru or maybe an Audi or maybe a Mustang... mom.

4.) Therapy. Know I know that some of you might not agree with me, I just think it's a bad idea. This is just my opinion. I think that it is kind of stupid to pay $1000+ to go vent to somebody who is only going to write things down in his/her notebook and say "uh huh." I know it feels good to tell somebody how you really feel, but thats what mom's are for, and if the reason your in therapy is because of your mom, than go over to a friends house and tell them or tell your other relatives. I know that therapist's tell you what is going on and why, but think about it, if you dug deep inside yourself, you could find the reason to, or maybe one of you friends or relatives could. Bottom line I think that therapy is a waste of money and a bad idea. Again this is only my opinion. Feel free to disagree.

3.) The Hawaii Chair. This is an exercise machine that is supposed to... i don't even no what it's supposed to do, all the people said in the commercial was "it really works." The Hawaii Chair is a chair that goes in circles around and around will you are sitting on it. I don't know about other people but that would really suck when I was talking. "Yeah, jOOOOOOEEEEE! I will GEEEEEEEEET! those papers TOOOOO you right AWWWWAAAAYYYYYY!" LOL. All in all it really sucks so stay away from it.

2.) White Ink. As seen in my other post that i wrote a while back, my typewriter came with a set of white ink. Yes you heard me right, ink that is white. White out. How am I supposed to see that? Oh yeah I put in black pape- wait it won't fit in the typewriter, so i guess the only way that I will read it is to see if i could see the indentations on the paper. The good part is that if I make a mistake with my white ink, I can erase it with my white, white out.

1.) Canadian Bacon. Yes you heard me Canadian Bacon, or as I like to call it... ham.
Thats all it is. Its just packaged ham. If you cook it, its not bacon, its cooked ham. It just doesn't work out. So from now one, if someone you know makes a really bad rip-off, all you have to say is "you pulled a Canadian Bacon,"

Italic's...

Does anyone want to know why, I am using the italic's setting while I am writing. Well to tell you the truth they came out with the new blogs of note and guess what? mine wasn't there, but there was a new blog on there called Girl and Guitar and they were always using italics and it really annoyed me but I am going to try to do it and see what happens. Obviously the blog is still the same it is just that there is italics everywhere.

Anyway, besides that I want to tell everyone about the all important 3rd part of the Expert Project... the Movie or "documentary" if you will, even though none of anyones documentary weren't even close to the island of Around the Idea of a Documentary. So the whole thing went like this. Mr. Musashino would go on stage and introduce the next person and than the crowd would clap and the person would go on stage, give pre-written speech that Mr. Bacon wrote and than they would play his/her movie and it would all be done and good. There were 3 main days where we were going to show the documentary but it seems like we are going to bleed into a 4th day because we didn't finish the list for today. I, stupidly, decided to sign up to do it on the first day, today.

I felt really stressed and nervous. I hadn't even memorized the whole thing and I was the 11th person to do it today. Right as the whole thing started I started to practice the speech over and over and after the 5th or 6th person i was so ready it wasn't even funny. If I could have done it right after that feeling I would have kicked ass on stage and afterwards everyone would come up to me and say "oh Eli that was the best pre-written speech that you didn't write but you performed it, ever," and I would say "little boy... you can be as good as me to, all it takes it practice," and than I would sign his forehead and do it again.

For the next few video's I totally lost my mojo. I was starting to get paranoid and I could stop telling julian how nervous I was and he kept telling me to shut up. At this point I was scared as hell but I reassured myself and told myself that we were still on the 9th one and it would be okay. And than I looked at the sign and discovered something that would change my day forever. I WAS NEXT!!!! I looked at Julian and said I am next and cursed a lot and he said "yes!" because apparently he really wanted to see mine.

The movie before mine was really fast and quicker than I knew it the teacher was on stage introducing me. As soon as he got off the stage and walked to the comuter, i got off the bench and started to waddle over to the stage. A carefully stepped up the step because I knew that when I get nervous I am really clumsy. Once I got up there I waved and I heard some people in the crowd yelling my name and saying "yeah" and that kind of made me feel better, but on the scale that Air Resistance effects a tennis ball in my hand.

As soon as I heard my voice in the mic i knew that my life was over, my humanity was gone and my courage and stick to attitude were gone faster than a roman candle on the 4th of July. I knew that I had to finish it. But i couldn't i was embarrassing myself in front of everyone that I have known since the beginning of my school career. The worst thing wasn't that I was embarrassing myself, the worst part of it was that I knew that I was embarrassing myself. I know that no one knows japanese but i pretty much forgot the whole middle so in English it sounded like "hi...bye" and than I got off stage and everyone applauded and i was thinking that maybe I didn't mess up, but when I got in my seat Julian hastily reminded me that I sucked so much on stage.

The good part was that when my video came on everybody loved it. The big thing was that I was interviewing myself. The story is that i found out that my filming partner Milo was a suckish excuse of an actor so I knew that I had to improvise. # days before we started filming I came up with the idea that i could interview myself, i could wear a costume for being the host and than I could to a costume change for when I was Neil Young. For the host my costume was Sweatshirt and Jeans and for Neil Young my costume was an Oregon Ducks shirt and a cowboy hat that my mom dug out of her closet.

The cool thing is that on Friday we are doing a thing called the Taborsan Academy Awards and it is where they have category's and they give you a mini oscar if you win and I totally think that I am going to win one. I saw Musahino Sensei when he was grading me and he was watching the movie and smiling and the only other one that he had smiled to had been Owen and Sam's video and there's was by far the best video out of all of the video's ever.

When Musashino Sensei got on stage to introduce the next person he said that it was weird and he thought he saw the same face on 2 different people. I am still praying to God that he was joking.

Metaphors and Simile's Gone Totally and Completely Wrong,

Today in my language arts period we were practicing metaphors and simile's to get really for a big project that we are going to be doing towards the end of the years. Yesterday we focused on metaphors and so today we get to work on simile's. If anyone that wasn't a teacher or a student was in that class he or she would surely think that the whole lot of us were insane. We said the stupidest things you could ever imagine. These are some of mine, that I wrote. Oh, and Lisa is one of my friends and so is Henry. Just incase you don't know.

Lisa was a cat purring on her owners lap, near a nice warm fireplace when she was told that she had finally passed Ms. Sullivan's class.

Lisa was more hyper than a high clown who has mental problems when she ate the donut Mr Seigel Gave her for her birthday.

My mom was an exploding volcano when she found out that she accidentally dyed her hair an ugly dark green color.

Lisa was a dark storm cloud when she spilled green and red food coloring into her quaker's Cream'O'Wheat.

My father was an exploding Mt St. Helens when he saw that his cat had drunk his Fiesta Margarita and spilled the remaining ice on the vomit colored floor.

Now this one doesn't make any sense just F.Y.I.

Henry was a stupid 12 year old adolescent with a Sacramento Kings hat on when he wanted to play charades with Milo and Eli.

Well thats it, join us next time on... to tell a simile.