Snotty Old People and Catching Up With My Reading,

The day started the usual way, my mom drove me to school and we argued about were she should drop me off. I say that my mom should drop at the school but nooo, she has to drop me off, like 8 blocks away.
"WE have had this talk before, Eli," she would say and I would feel like... like... well like... uhhh... BADNESS JUST BADNESS! AHHHH! JUST DROP ME OFF AT SCHOOL, LADY!!! Anyway, I roughed the walk to the school, feeling ashamed of myself, thinking why can't I just keep my mouth shutand frowning all the way there.
When I finally got to the school Russian was waiting. We talked about how the Blazers might get eliminated from the playoff's if we lost tonight's game. He thought that we might win but I was so sure that the blazers were going to loose, so sure that I said that if we won I would throw myself off a cliff (not a chance) but he was still so sure. No one else really turned up that morning and we rushed into the school when the bell finally rang and got our binders even though I knew that we weren't going to do anything with it. Maybe its just me being lazy but I hate carrying a binder around... I think that we should just have Cubbies in every class to put our stuff in so we don't have to LUG around every single piece of (BLEEP) that we get in the year. I swear I will burn all the papers in a fire this summer and just pour gallon after gallon of gas into it to insure that it will never EVER show up in my life again.
When we got to S.S class the bad sub was waiting for us again. We had a mixed class so on the trip we would only have 2 groups of people instead of 3. They did this so that they wouldn't make people commit suicide on the bus. We got out the computers and started working on our E.P's.
Fast-forward and we are getting ready to go. Me and Kayla and Henry are in our own little group in the back of the line. Henry thought that it was a good idea to jump off a hill with an umbrella, but all that happened was Henry injuring his ankle.
We waited at the bus stop and played a funny game called Sweet and Sour were we wave at people and hopefully... they wave back. We did this a lot of times: Wave=10 points Honk=20 points Police wave=30 points Police honk=40 points Police honk/wave= O MY GOD HE REALLY DID THAT!
The bus ride was really fun; everyone was "accidently" poking people and they were all getting really pissed off at us. Lol
Fast-forward again me and Milo got to the play and took our seats. They were on a really high balcony (at a play) and we were sitting next to these really snotty old people who seemed nice but were really mean to each other.
"Will you pass the water?"
"No get it your self, Herb!"
Sheesh.... I liked the play. though it was really imaginative. There were only 5 people in the play and it WAS kind of weird.
After we got back from the play we all just hung out in Ms. Sullivan's class room and we went insane it was so cool.
Way after school I went to my mom's Salon and really read a lot of my book. It was really cool.

Dear Somebody...

Dear Somebody,
I know that you are very busy, somebody, but I feel that I should tell you about my life right now. Why am I writing you a letter, you ask? Because I am so damn bored that crapping my pants almost seems like it would be fun right now. So anyway, on Friday my grandma picked me up from school, but she was very late because she turned left instead of right and she got lost, so she was late.
Me and my friends decided that it would be fun to call Mr. Bacons classroom and listen to his voicemail. It was a computer saying "hello" and than Bacon's voice came in and said "Matthew Bacon-Brenes?" Almost like he didn't know what his name was, and than the computer would say "is not available," and than all the options would come one. All in all it was a pretty fun idea. We did it over and over and over, and nobody would answer because Bacon is in Japan and his office was empty... oh lol.
In Seigel's class he read a letter (actually an E-mail that Bacon sent) to us and it was really funny because he would always stutter whenever there was a really hard Japanese word. "I am getting lots of... omriragi, what?" And than we would all say what it really was and he would be all like what ever and just keep reading until it all happened again. It was like reading a book about the rain cycle.
Lately, Somebody, I have been seeing lots of things about the NFL draft because my friend Milo that sits next to me ALWAYS talks about it. Whenever we get a computer to do research on our E.P's he always go's to ESPN and looks it up and he always vents to me about how he thinks that the Viking's should have gotten Tim Tebo, whoever he is. I don't care, now when the NBA draft comes around... thats gonna be awesome because first of all no one's last name is going to be Tebo and second of all it's Basketball and it is actually and interesting sport.
Since Bacon is in Japan we have this new sub that is really a b****. First of all she either takes a shower AT the school or she puts a lot of gel in her hair because her hair is really really shiny and smelly. I think she even laughed once too. Oh wait no she didn't. She is one of those subs that doesn't know what the hell she is doing so she burns people for no reason. I would rather have BAcon teaching the class than her. And now that she has been here for a while she knows what we are supposed to do so there is no "oh yeah we have recess right now," kind of thing. Nope. Back when she was a new sub we did that to her all the time, and she fell for it. Some subs are smart and actually know what to do... not her. Sometimes we get lucky though, when the teacher forgets to write the things that we are supposed to do, so we can trick the teacher all we want. Ha ha haa.
On Sunday we went to church and we learned all about how we are not supposed to keep the 10 commandments, but we are supposed to think about them when ever we violate them. I was so bored that I started counting how many times Greg said I believe (8) and started reading my graphic novel bible. Sometimes I think church is fun because now I actually know something so I can go be all smart in front of Thomas. I also kept track of how many times we prayed. We prayed 5 times in the whole thing, and at one point we prayed twice in a row. I'm no expert on it but I think God gets it! I could imagine God being like my mom, when people pray to many times he gets pissed and tells the people to stop praying because he gets what they are saying. I will ask my mom to play my PS3 and she won't say anything and I will ask her again and she will get a mad look on her face and tell me that she knows what I want. But eventually, praying will come through for me... like when me and my mom decide to go to a midnight mass at the church and and I am so tired. The priest will say that it is time to pray and I will fall asleep, will I am praying. Is that a sin? In church I learned something that really made me get pissed. So Greg said that if you sin in this life that your future generation's will be punished. I felt like I was in school so I raised my hand and than I took it back down again, but what I wanted to say was that everybody sins, so wont every generation be influenced by badness?
"Well no, Eli, it doesn't work that way," Greg would say. "Since I am perfect and you are a rotten piece of S*** my generation will be awesome and yours will be a bunch of Garbage-men when they grow up." And after that we would sing a song and one of the lines will say "... who saved a wretch like me." All those songs really hurt my self esteem.
Somebody? When things like that happen do you go talk to your health teacher... well we are learning about self esteem right now so... yeah.
This week we are going on a field trip to go see the play the chosen. Two worlds collide beneath the shadow of an ancient tradition when a young Hasidic boy knocks a ball right into the eye of his Orthodox rival at a baseball game between their two yeshivas. The batter is Danny Saunders, the brilliant hereditary heir apparent to his father Reb Saunders, the leader of an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic sect. The pitcher is Reuven Malter, son of David, a modern Orthodox humanist professor whose writings are hated by Reb Saunders. Danny's line drive puts Reuven in the hospital, but guilt draws him to visit, and the most unlikely of friendships develop.
Over time, Danny's intellectual curiosity about the secular world draws him towards the Malter family, where he finds the warmth that his father (who refuses to speak to Danny except when studying the Talmud) has denied. Then World War II ends, bringing the possibility of a Jewish state. A heated disagreement between the fathers about the nascent state of Israel results in Reb Saunders forbidding Danny to speak to Reuven. The silence between them strains (and ultimately transforms) their relationships to their families, their faiths and each other. As they each walk the careful line between their own dreams for the future and the paths their fathers have chosen for them, both boys discover that sometimes the most critical choice you can make is the choice...of a friend.

Freaky, right? So what do you think.

Eli Hacker.

To A Happy Earth Day,

Happy Earth Day to you, Happy earth Day to you, Happy Earth Day dear Eeeeaaarth... Happy Earth Day tooooo Yooouu. What? I felt that it was appropriate to wish the Earth a Happy Earth Day. The reason I remembered today was Earth day was that all the teachers in the school, besides Mr Seigel, wore these green faded "Happy earth Day" T-shirts with a picture of an owl saying "hoot," on it. And Mr. Groom made a big huge deal about and talked about littering and stuff like that. You're a science teacher, man. I wish that we could rid the world of littering, but more importantly I wish that we could rid the world of people over talking about littering and people writing books about how you can save paper... and those pencils that are made from old newspapers, that are the cheapest piece of crap I have seen in the whole universe.
Now, on to what actually happened on Earth Day. Me and my mom left the house, but not very fast because when we were about to get in the car I realized that I had forgotten my glasses, so I went back inside and grabbed my glasses and said goodbye to my little one. Earlier Thomas had posted some funny things on Facebook about how Chuck Norris was so afraid of... "the mage?" Yeah... ok I guess thats what he said. We got in the car and my mom quikly turned on the Kboo radio station and we listened to that most of the way there. I was making fun of it pretty much the whole time.
"And uhhhhhhhh why is it like uhhhhhhh that?"
"Well, the health care for women uhhhhhhh is not as good as with uhhhhhhhh guys, I don't uhhhhhh care what they say about it uhhhhh its not."
It was pretty funny, but my mom got sick of me saying uhhhhhhh and trying to imatate them so she turned off the radio.
When we got to the place where my mom drops me off I tried the best that I could to distract her to get her to actually drive me to the school, but it didn't work. She gave a big me fat kiss and afterwards I checked to see if any of my friends were in the proximity of ground 0, but luckily no one was there. Sigh. I walked up to the school very slowly for no reason at all. I like walking. It makes me feel like I am my dad, walkin' all the time and smellin' like Axe. Ahhh Phoenix.
I got to the school and me and my friends did our usual morning thing until the bell rang. 1st period was so boring that I could have fallen asleep for 10 years... my mom would be all like "you have 10 years of homework overdue," "I missed you too mom." We worked on our E.P the whole time and the sub was acting like a b****! My theory with subs is that they purposely try to get you in trouble so that they can tell the teacher that and the teacher will like them. They are so smug.
In Math class we played a math game and we were supposed to tell what % we had of winning the game. They're was a 51.5% chance for player B to win and a 48.%% chance of player A to win the game. In the end of the class i got up on Ms. Sullivan's stool and imitated her saying hi I'm Ms. Sullivan, and I did it with her game show host voice.
At lunch recess we were all playing basketball and stuff, and so i went up for a shot and I landed funny (made the shot) and Kenji hem hem "accidently" landed on me too. I twisted my ankle really bad. But the cool thing was that after that I didn't shoot I just passed it and I came out of the game with like 8 assists. I limped over to health class and learned about the male reproductive system. So much fun.
I limped over to science and we did this thing were we have to make the Velocity match what it is on the paper. I totally screwed up because the line was going up, not down. Later I learned that to make the line go down one must walk TOWARDS the motion detector. Ahh that makes sense.
In Language Arts we talked about the play we are going to go see next week called The Chosen.

THE END

The Mornings A.K.A FLIPPING AWESOMENESS!

Every morning before school starts I usually hang out in front of the school. When I get there I just chill alone for awhile and than Milo comes with his really big blue jacket that used to belong to his sister, and than Kenji will come in his green and white bug. Afterwards my friend Russian (Nicholas) will come and crack some funny joke about how he screwed up on his video game and killed himself and we will all pretend to laugh. Hahahaha, and than Henry will come with his blinding blue skinny jeans and I will hide behind Russian and scream ahh I'm blind Ahhh! After Henry William will come with HIS blue skinny jeans and I will hide behind Russian again and even louder I will scream AHHH I am BLIIIIIND!
We will all hang out there for a while and talk about each others blogs. Mine by far is the most popular ad than Russian made one called My L!fe As A Tweenage Russian. don't mind that he stole my name but he stole the ! for an I... not cool Russian.
After we talk about this we will move on to talk about how stupid Henry and Williams pants look on them followed by an AHHH I'M BLIND from me.
Now what will happen is Jullian and Owen will get off of the school bus and come to were we are standing.
Jullian will come up to us and say "rero," and we will say "what?" And he will say "hello!" and than we will all get it and say ohh. Owen will come up and show us all the books he is reading and talk a lot about Agatha Cristy, because that is who he is doing his E.P on. Afterward one of us will say something funny and Owen will laugh revealing his Grand Canyon Dimples. hahaha,and than one of us will notice it and make fun of him for it and he will get all anoyed with us and leave. But sometimes he just says stop it and walks on the other side of the tree... and than he will come back and get back into the conversation.
By this point school is about to start so we all get ready to go inside, but than Robert comes riding over to us on his bike and asks us if we can see if he spilled coffee on himself. Than he will wipe out his donuts and start eating them infront of us really slowly. And than the bell rings and we all go inside.

This is my morning...

A Nice Little Stroll Through the City Of Roses,

Lately I have been thinking about the question "if a tree in the middle of a Forrest falls down and nobody is there, does it make a sound?" My answers have varied a lot lately. In March I thought that it didn't because hearing is something that only humans and animals can do, so if nobody was there it wouldn't make a sound. But now I think that it does because It doesn't matter if nobody is there, if a tree falls it is going to make a hell of a lot of sound. What does everybody think.
Anyway back to recording my life... on Friday i had a nice little day at school. Mr. Bacon was talking to us about our E.P's and how important it was and how it is like 99% of our 4th quarter grade. It turns out that he is going to be going to Japan while we work on our E.P's. I feel really bad now because all the 8th graders get to take 3 weeks off of school to go to Japan. Last year we did it 6 days after school was over. Anyway, we all said goodbye, pretending that we were gong to miss him, when secretly when we got out of the class we started dancing.
In Social Study's we had a sub because our S.S teacher was away at a meeting with Mr. Seigel. We took the Kanji test and everyone took advantage of this and started chewing there gum like crazy. All i heard through that class, besides our sub b****ing away was the sound of gum being chewed really loudly. And the weird thing was that the sub didn't even notice it. At one point we were all trying to chew as loud as we possibly could and she still turned around and looked at the class with a happy look on her face... ah, it feels so good to be taken advantage of.
Math was really, really boring but we did learn how to calculate the volume of a sphere. And lately for our warm up we have had to write instead of just answering the question she asks you. it is scared in my brain V=4/3times3.1415927timesRtimesRtimesR. Uhh. I personally think that our Math teacher should be a host on a talk show, because she always talks in that kind of voice whenever she is telling you directions on a test.
In Science we were doing this thing called walk the line graph and it is like were there is a graph on the computer and we have to walk it, using a motion detector. It was pretty sucky because in my group was Will, the most self centered son of a gun ever.

AFTER SCHOOL:
I got out of school and I was putting my hands in my pockets, looking for my bus money. Not there, not there, not there... not there. Were was my money? I texted my mom and told her about my money problem and she said "okay." I asked what I should do? She didn't know what I was talking about and so I told her on the phone and than she understood what was happening. She told me to start walking on stark. But I didn't know stark all that well so i decided to walk down to her shop on Burnside and so I took of my sweatshirt, put on my Ipod and started walking. I felt like someone in a movie with all the dramatic music and the head twitching and the slow walking. I felt pretty good because I was actually alone and there was no one with me. I also felt like my dad, all walking and walking... and walking.

MY THOUGHTS LATELY:
OMG the blazers are going to the playoffs.
Baseball isn't all that fun.
The pitcher for the Giants looks like a glitched video game.
I am getting better at basketball.
I love my daddy.
WEEEH!

Eli's List Of Things That He Loves,

1.) I love the watermelon flavored Tootsie Pops because they don't taste like watermelon at all they taste more like tart sugar with a little bit of chocolate in the middle.

2.) I love the sound of my mom washing my hair at her salon, it sounds like someone is sprinkling a little bucket of water in to a big lake and there is a momentary silence when it happens so it calms you down.

3.) I love going out to play basketball and than coming back and ringing the doorbell on our door and pretending I am from the Jehovah's Witnesses because it makes me and my mom laugh... LOL.

4.) I love driving to school with Thomas because it is so quiet and we get to listen to a sports radio station.

5.) I love cleaning my room with my dad because he makes me laugh and teaches me things that I otherwise wouldn't have known a damn thing about, like making a shank.

6.) I love the feeling that you get when you see your bus coming and you are getting ready to get on it, because you no longer have to sit on the forsaken bench of the stop, no longer do you have to watch for the bus, for know... the bus is here. YEAH!

7.) I love the look on the face of my brother when he is surprised after a big sound.

8.) I love paper packages addressed to me.

Vladmere the Elephant,

This is a story that me and my friend Henry wrote (more me than him) in Advisory at school. We were bored so we decided to pick up on a story that we had started writing a couple weeks earlier but we couldn't finish it because our Math teacher said it wasn't considered "school work."
Watch this get published Ms. Sullivan!

Part 1: The Big Shower,
Once upon a time way back in the 1930's there lived an Elephant named Vladmere. At first glance you would think he was a nice, happy Elephant, but at first smell you might think differently.
Vladmere was a very stinky Elephant to say it in a short way.
"You are so stinky," says his best friend Jimmy.
"I know I stink," said Vladmere in a very dejected voice, "what should I do?"
"You should go take a shower," said his girlfriend Fallen. So Vladmere went and took a shower. He turned on the water and used his Axe shower gel... but he still stunk.
"I trusted you Axe Shower Gel," he screamed at his shower gel....
After this he went to his other friend Todd.
"What should I do, Todd?" Vladmere asked.
"You need to go to the BIG SHOWER," Todd replied.
"What's that?" Vladmere asked.
"It makes everybody clean,"Todd said.
All of a sudden a bunch of Russian Helicopters dropped out of the clouds, picked Vladmere up using a new grapple technology, and flew away.
"AHHHHHH!" Vladmere screamed, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
"You know what's happening to you," one of the Russians said, "you were trying to go to our secret hanger, code name... the BIG SHOWER."
"NOOOOO!"
"And so now we are going to take you to a camp," the russian said.
"A... a... a... camp?"
"Not just any camp a... a... concentration camp." At this point Vladmere was piss-his-pants scared.
Once they landed they un-hooked Vladmere and dragged him into the concentration camp... zoo.
"Were are we?" Vladmere asked as he was being dragged.
"In Siberia," one Russian said. They pushed Vladmere into his stall and left him there. Vladmere noticed that there was a computer in his stall, so he thought it was a good time to check his Facebook.
He posted a status update saying:
Vladmere Todd: is trapped in a concentration camp zoo lol. But all the Russians were checking there Facebook too and they thought Vladmer Todd was sending a distress call.

Back in Vladmere's stall.
Vladmere decided that he wanted to friend Stalin on Facebook so that maybe Stalin would like him and let him go to the BIG SHOWER. So he did and he regretted it.

My Memoirs,

CHAPTER 1: LIFE IN THE WOMB,
I knew from day 1 that I was a Blazer fan. From that first moment that I was conceived, oh so long ago, I knew why I was put on this Earth... to root for THE HOME TEAM! I could feel my mother changing the channels, and I kicked and I kicked, I wanted her to give me the remote, so I could change the channel and listen to all the fans root.
Even though our team was still far away from the championship that they are going to win this season, they were still the blazers, NAY, they were MY Blazers, they weren't anyone else's but a small child that wasn't even born yet.
I spent the rest of the 9 months of my life in agony, missing all of the regular season and playoff's. The only moment when I felt good was one moment in october when my daddy said:
"Man those blazers seem like they are doing good!" YES! Finally, it happened i was officially a fan of the blazers.
About 2 months later I could feel that it was time to leave the warm womb of my mother. So I did, but I cried and cried and cried... because we were missing a Blazer game.
"WAH! WAH!," I would scream, but all my mom did was put me in this soft blanket and rock me. I hope that this Hospital has a t.v in the room otherwise I would scream and cry and cry and scream.
Little did I know that I wouldn't see a Blazer game for 11 more years. Eventually I forgot it and I went through fazes of Soccer (AHHH) and baseball (Mhaah...ahh)
But 11 years later I got what I wanted a Blazer game, and it was even in the Playoffs. We lost the round and I didn't get to watch Basketball for 30 more weeks... sniffle... and on that opening day I was so happy.
I am a Blazer fan.

CHAPTER 2: MY LIFE ASIDE FROM BASKETBALL,
Um... I go to school and... um... oh ya... I love my mom and dad... um... yeah.

Woopti-do Log A.K.A The Most Boring Time of my 12 Years Of Life!

Every Wednesday and Thursday I ride the bus down to 28th and Burnside to hangout at my mom's shop. Now, sometimes I actually have something to do, like read a book or do my homework. But this week would be the worst. This week made me believe in Karma because when I get out of school to go to the bus stop, the bus was already there and I had to yell to someone to hold it for me.
"Hey!? WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING IT UP FOR ME?"
"Nnnn!"
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"NNNNN!"
And than the broken walk sign would turn on and I would run across the street hearing the walk sign say:
"ksinon... ksinon... Ksinon."
When I got to the other side of the street the guy gave me bad looks for the whole ride. What the hell did I do?
"NNNN!!!"
"WELL SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULDN'T HOLD A BUS!"
Most of the bus rides I sit behind someone with a problem, like one guy was really gassy another was very talkative.
When I would arrive at Woopti-do every body would greet me and I would always nod and keep about my business.
"Hey Eli."
"Hi Jody."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi Shirly."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi mom," and there was more. I went into the backroom and sat down for a minute to relax and take it easy, than I would go to the bathroom. Afterwards I would tell my mom how my day was and she would tell me to stop distracting her. I love you to. I returned to my kingdom of bleach and rice cakes A.K.A the backroom and I opened my backpack to see if i had any homework. Oh no. Whats this? No homework, well I must have a boo- oh no... oh no, [bends down on knees and looks up at sky,] OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I took my seat on Khat's chair and rested my head on my hand. I sat there for about, oh 30 minutes (no kidding) and I saw my mom checking out one of her clients and all of a sudden the phone started ringing.
"Eli can you get it, its Thomas," I quickly ran over to the phone. There was a chance to get a laugh.
In a gay voice I said, "Woopti-do this is Eli."
"Hey Eli can you give the phone to your mom?" I handed the phone to my mom and basicly what happened was Thomas was going to come by and take to the anniversary party our friends were having. My mom said he was going to be there around half an hour from now. So I took my seat on the desk and waited. Staring at the door, hoping that a bulky bald figure with a cigarette would walk in front of the door looking in. Hoping that a blue Honda would drive, smoothly, by the store. But no... never.
At one point I got up, looking for the news paper to see if I could find the sports section. It wasn't there.
Around 1 hour and 15 minutes later I saw Thomas walk by, my heart jumped and I went outside and hugged him so much.
We left after that and we went to Burgerville and I got a hamburger and fries and we both curled up with our respective sports section. We than went to see the performance, it was pretty cool, the building was dark and there was candles hanging from the ceiling.
When it was done we all hung out in the backroom joking and one thing that happened really depressed me.
..."And we can take a video of it," and everybody cracked up.
And than I said, "ya and than we could be all like hey kid this is how you were born," and everybody stopped laughing and just looked around. :(

THE END, finally

My Commercial Dream...

Watch me make millions off this new product!!!

ELI: HI ELI HACKER HERE WITH THE NEW CRAP'N'WHPE. REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES WHEN YOU HAVE A BIG DUMP AND YOU JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING OUT AFTERWARDS, WELL NO MORE WITH THE NEW CRAP'N'WHIPE YOU CAN SAFELY GET EVERYTHING OUT AFTER A DUMP.
BILLY: HOW DOES IT WORK?
ELI: WELL WITH THE NEW TITANIUM HANDS BUILT INTO YOUR TOILET IT SAFLEY REACHES INTO YOUR BUM AND TAKES OUT ALL THE REMAINING STUFF.
BILLY: WOW!!
ELI: I KNOW, WOW!
BILLY: CALL RIGHT NOW AND GET 1 CRAP'N'WHIPE FOR JUST 2 PAYMENTS OF 20 DOLLARS.
ELI: BUT WAIT IF YOU ORDER WITHIN THE NEXT 4 MINUTES YOU CAN GET 2 CRAP'N'WHIPE'S FOR ONLY 2 PAYMENTS OF 10 DOLLARS.
BILLY: BUT WERE STILL NOT DONE ORDER RIGHT NOW AND WE WILL INCLUDE 1 TITANIUM PORTOPOTTY FOR FREE, THATS RIGHT FOR FREE!!!
ELI: CALL NOW!!!

Now i realize that to some people this might be disturbing... sorry. Here is my Fred Meyer commercial!!

I SEE THE PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE
I SEE MOST OF THEM ARE FOR ME
MAYBE A NEW VIDEO GAME
OR MAYBE SOMETHING QUITE MORE LAME
I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE
ONE OF THEM IS JUST A BAD CRAFTED TOY CAR
EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS
I WOULDN'T CARE IF THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME THAT MUCH
BECAUSE THERE FAMILY
AND I DONT CARE WHATS UNDER THE TREE
WE EAT A NICE MEAL
WE GOT A FRED MEYER
JUST LIKE A STEAL
THERE'S TURKEY AND CAKE AND CRE'ME BRULAY
I STUFF MY FACE BUT I AM SURE TO SAY THANKS FOR THIS LOVELY MEAL WE GOT AT FRED MEYER JUST LIKE A STEAL
SO GO TO FRED MEYER FOR YOUR FAMILY SHOPPING
FROM KITCHEN TO CLEANING AND EVEN MOPPING
SO GO TO FRED MEYER ANY OLD TIME
IT WILL ONLY COST YOU A LITTLE MORE THAN A DIME.



prices vary.

Traditional American Easter... and to Some People, not so Traditional

Me and my dad had been vegging out on the couch watching a cool show called Locked Up World Tour. It was a really cool show, I didn't think it was about prison, the way everyone acted. They were all happy in perky, just thinking' "ya I killed 5 people and I am spending the rest of my life in prison YEAH," or "the thing I miss most from the outside world is peanut butter flavored Captain Crunch." So ya.
When my cousin Spencer went to bed at around 8:50 or so we watched that show for about 5 more minutes, than me and my dad wanted to watch the 7th season of Star Trek.
Their was this one funny time last week were I was in class and Mr. Bacon was talking about our E.P's and he asked:
"Does anyone know who Tupac is," he asked.
I swiftly replied by saying, "ya, he is from Star Trek Voyager," and that was me being a major dufas.
Anyway we watched the last season until about midnight when I fell asleep to the sound of Tazzer's firing and starships going into space to seek out new life forms, and to boldly go where no man has gone before. Oh ya, this is the life.
In my sleep i could feel a presents walking, or should I say hopping around the room, walking to every corner of the house and hiding his little egg's every were and than setting something by the couch I was sleeping on. And afterwards I could feel him briefly stepping outside to smoke.
I woke up to what I thought was a dog barking but turned out to be my dad snoring, man if he used both the mouth piece AND the nose strip at the same time, he would still snore like hell.
Fast-forward about an hour and everyone is up and bouncing around. My cousin Spencer was playing basketball with an Easter bunny and a laundry basket... poor bunny. The bunny that I got in my Easter basket was purple and me and My dad named him Norman Shankington Esq.


At around 10 we watched the new Project Runway episode that we couldn't watch the night before because we were to busy watching TUVOC and the whole Star Trek crew. It was pretty cool.

The rest of the day I played with N.S Esq. and my magic trick kit that I could only use to do 1 magic trick.
But finally it came time to feast upon the glorious ham and sweet potato's with marshmallows and of course the beans. Very Yummy.
We watched a show called american Dance crew until my mom came over with little Jasper-boo and we bid our aunts and dads and cousins goodbye and headed on home.

He Finally Got to The Top of The Hill (Othor things you do from the top down are take a shower, clean the house and age gracefully.)

Last night was Thomas's birthday party. We had it at a very classy restaurant called Miss Delta. I sat way in the back, far away from the birthday boy, near all the gay people and co-workers. Man, I feel so loved.
Once the waiters actually cared enough to take Our order, I ordered some classic fried Chicken and 2, count em' 2, sides of Red Beans and Rice. Followed by numerous glasses of sprite and sips of Thomas's Mohita.
After all that food I felt so full that my teeth were floating in minty Red Beans and Rice, but I was surprised to find that I had the room in me to eat a deep fried apple pie. It tasted like chicken and pie, mixed together.
I had a lot of room on the booth to lie down and groan in pain.
"Help me," or "what did I ever do to you," followed by a burp is pretty much what the gay people were hearing all night long.
When my mom actually drove us home I was so happy. I crashed when I got home and had a weird dream that I got up and walked around after I tripped over the night stand, making everything fall over. And sure enough when I woke up everything was on the floor.
I was so exited to hang out with my dad at my Aunt Sandy's house. My dad said he wold be at our house, around 11:00. But knowing him he was probably going to be there super late. Thomas talked about getting to the top of the hill, because he was 40. When my dad got there we left straight away. He had Aunt Sandy's boyfriend drive us to Aunt Sandy's house.
My cousin Spencer was exited to see me. I could tell because he was all like:
"Let me show you my dwarf on W.O.W."
"Whats W.O.W?"
"Wold of Warcraft, duh," he said.

And now we are watching America's Next Top Model. Yeah
Damn it, he bunny-eared me.