Dear Dan Gilbert,

Many of you have probably heard about LeBron James decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers to go play in Miami with the Heat franchise. Well of course you've heard about it, they're practically putting it on cereal boxes. What you haven't heard is what Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert had to say about LeBron after he left. Please listen.

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

I hope that you are laughing right now, because if you aren't there is something wrong with you. I have decided to do right and to reply to this really bad letter here is what i will say.

Dear Dan Gilbert,

First off I want to give you a well deserved thank you for making it fun to watch Sportscenter for that last few days. I love it when the people read your letter and than make fun of you and than ask you if you are a big voodoo guy. LOL. But really I think that this is hilarious. Did you know that the Sportscenter people thought that someone hacked into your computer and wrote this to Cleveland. That means you've gone to far. If it was my choice, I would fire you and promote Usher to majority owner. At least his face isn't in the news 24/7.

Next I want to talk about how you said that LeBron had a "curse." Well you seem to know a lot about voodoo, if you knew he had a curse, why were you putting $25mil on the table to get him back. Come on, Dan. Now did you know that the NBA isn't very happy with this letter. They might fire you, or worse, maybe they will make you Majority owner of the Miami Heat. Let me tell you that would be funny. As my mother would say... LOL!

And if you think that your city is free of a curse you are wrong. *I CAN PERSONALLY GUARANTEE YOU THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL BE 15TH PLACE IN THE EAST AND WILL NEVER EVER SNIFF THE SWEET AROMA OF THE PLAYOFFS EVER AGAIN.* You can take that to the other bank. This is just a little piece of the curse over your really bad city. (Sorry I'm all out of insults.) Your team hasn't won a championship in any sport, in 42 years and your city has 4 professional teams. It's not LeBron that cursed your city, its just the way that God wanted it to be. Obviously God hates Cleveland and I can't blame him. Cleveland sucks.

My last order of business is that you can't blame LeBron, he left your city because he felt that he couldn't win a championship there. Not because he thought that it would be fun to break a few million peoples hearts. But I also have to blame LeBron, its just cruel to schedule a 1 hour special to tell your followers in Cleveland that you are leaving to go to Miami. And if you think he left because of the money, than you are stupid. He went to a team with practicly no cap space and is only going to get paid around 15mil. He didn't go to the Heat because he liked the city, he went there because he hated your city and becasue he has the best chance of winning there.

You have to give credit to the Heat, resigning D wade signing Chris Bosh and of course signing LeBron all on one team. The only downside is that they only have 4 guys on there roster, so if they can pull all this off, you are going to look like a big fool.

Eli Hacker
LeBron lover
Gilbert Hater

P.s... GO HEAT!

Wet-Ball!

Hello, reader's, I am finally back from my aweso- my basketball camp at George Fox university. I never thought I would say I was tired of basketball, but after that I might not touch one until my next basketball camp. Don't freak out, but I think, right now, I am leaning towards not liking basketball. I know! Here is my story.

Well there I was sitting on my couch bed, in my really small dorm. I looked around the room and took it all in. It was the first time I had really been alone all day, but it was worth it. My roomate was in the bathroom, taking a shower and all the other kids had finally stopped dribbling there f***ing ball down the hallway's. Before, I was laying down, trying to relax, but I couldn't, due to the bouncing of the balls.

My roomate came into the room and almost immediately turned off the light and got in his purple sleeping bag. I decided that I liked him. All the other people that I have stayed with at a camp have been the kind of kids who wake up at 7 without an alarm, and decide that they are bored, so they wake you up. I hate those people.

I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't at all. I couldn't go to sleep, so I thought about my day. We left at 12:30 and when we were on the road we listened to mom and Thomas' valentines cd. It was beyond sappy. We got to the main building at about 1:30 and we got into a long line, to sign me up, or rather to check me in. We went to find my dorm, and than found out that we had to drive to the high school because there was a bell choir staying in there. We dropped my stuff off at the dorm and drove to a gym that was at a different high school.

Once we got there we quickly found out that we needed to have my ball, even though the list said that we didn't. (flip off, flip off.) We than, drove back to the dorm and got my ball.

We were all separated into groups and I was in the 3rd one. Our group went to a big gym, right across from the one that we were in. I took a moment to look at all the coaches and coaching staff. For privacy purposes I will not use there real names. There was a really, really white one named marion berry. Now, when I say white, I mean, white. He was wearing his socks really high and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and his shorts were pulled up to his belly button.

There was a really fit one who seemed to be pretty good, a short one, and another short one, who was the one yelling at us at that moment.

I am not going to tell you everything about camp, just the general stuff and the highlights. The cafeteria was in the back of the main building and it was a really big room. We would get in a line and get a trey and some silverware. We got to get our own drink and everything, it was like a buffet. I thought that the food was going to be good, boy was I wrong. The food was basically freeze dryed grease. It sucked balls.

When we were in the gym, when ever someone would make a 3 someone would always yell out wet-ball. It got really annoying after a while. Every 2 seconds you would hear someone yell, WET-BALL!

That is why I named this blog after it, because it was the word that I heard the most.

The next cool thing that I did was on Tuesday night, we did this thing called intensity night. It is where we do all this work out stuff like push ups, mushroom hops, super-man's, mini holes, what have you. I got the best work out that I think I have ever had... ever! It was so intense. I sweat through my entire under shirt and I was so tired that after a while it was a rest to do push-ups.

The next thing I want to say is that I learned a lot at this camp, but I didn't really like it that much.

The last thing I want to say before this is over is that I thought it was only going to be a little catholic. Wooi mama. I was wrong. there are bible quotation's everywhere you looked and on the last night a speaker came and he made us ask god to save our mortal soul. Yes, we were forced to pray.

In discussion groups we were asked to say how god has effected our life and I said that i didn't have a story and I wasn't really religious, and the coach said that if I wanted to live my life like that, "so be it." I feel so bad!

Wet-ball!

Me and My Daddy,

I just want to start by saying that I will not be blogging until Thursday, when I arrive back from my, supposed to be awesome, basketball camp. I will share my journals and the feeling of having a real shower after 5 days of sweating. Do they have showers at colleges? I hope so because I can barely stand myself after 1 game of basketball. In the words of grandma, "Sssss!"

Today was the day where my daddy was supposed to come over, and he did and it was awesome. He got to our front door at about 10 and that surprised me because, on days that he hasn't partied, he usually gets up at around 1. He told me that his bag had gotten stolen, and that made me mad because he was writing a story that I wanted to read.

We were going to watch the world cup game, but I decided that I wanted to go play basketball, and my father followed suit. I taught him some of the basics, of how to hold the balls and how to dribble them and how to hold them, while your dribbling them. I have to say that he got pretty good, at least the way he shot got better. He looked like some people that i know who are pretty good.

When we came back in, the world cup game was on and so we watched that for a while. My dad fell asleep, and eventually got to taking a nap. He was asleep for such a long time, that I went out to play and than came in, watched television, and after that he was still sleeping.

Once he woke up, me and my father went out and started to haul dirt and we realized one huge problem, we had to much dirt, and when I say to much dirt I mean that we are going to have 2 cubic feet of dirt in our driveway for the rest of our lives. We did so good, we filled in the bed and now we are okay to plant onions. Yeah!

After that we started to wash Thomas' car, because my dad needed some money. It was so fun to spray that nice blue car with water. So cool.

After that we went down to plaid pantry and me and my father had a really nice chat. All in all it was a nice, last day before basketball camp.

Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House,

This is going to be a comparison of houses, a break down of the overall coolness of each house, a contrast of the 2 different houses. This is... Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House.

1.) At grandma's house I feel more disconnected from people, but more connected with the television. At my mom's house i feel like I am in tune with my inner basketball player and socializer, but not my inner television watcher, I feel like i am more connected with people, at my mama's house.

2.) At grandma's house, when we are watching television on the couch and all of a sudden a Yaz commercial comes on, she will change the channel and make a "Ssss," sound with her lips, the same sound she makes when she sees me playing Nerf basketball. At my mama's house, if a Yaz commercial comes on, than we will talk about how, if she was grandma, she would change the channel.

3.) At my mom's house I feel more free to express my inner diva and also my inner gay person (i am not gay, but everyone has an inner gay person,) i also can say "god!" Without getting the whole "lords name in vain," speech.

4.) At grandma's house I feel like my jokes are more of the simple ones that I told in 1st grade, but at Mama's house my jokes are ones that resemble Stephen Colbert. But not really because no one can be as funny as him. Just ask Thomas. Actually I think Thomas prefers Jon Stewart. Anyway, here is an example of me and Grandma's house: I could play nerf basketball all night and than, fall asleep in a little corner in the hallway. Mama's house: Telling my mom that my friend Robert thought that Tom Petty was in The Beatles. Now this joke wouldn't work with grandma because she doesn't know who Tom Petty is. She thought Neil Young was a basketball player when I told her about my expert project.

5.) Basketball; at my mama's house I can go over to the park, and play basketball whenever I please. But at grandma's house we have to drive all the way into town and play there, and I can only go once a day.

Day #3,

Today pretty much turned out just as I had planned at the beginning of the day. The only thing that really sucked was the draft. It was a whole lot more boring than I had planned. I thought that there was going to be this big draft conspiracy where the number one team traded there picked for the number 2 pick and everyone goes crazy. Turns out not, just an old guy standing there, behind a podium, with the back ground noise of vuvuzela's. And for all of those who don't watch World Cup Soccer (Fifa is a bitch) a vuvuzela is an African noise maker that makes the most annoying sound you will ever hear. It makes you double take whn you turn on a baseball game and hear a vuvuzela. You think "I thought it was the world cup, not the world series." Hahaha thats a knee slapper and bu-dum-sh.

The day started the usual way, I got woken up by the tele-marketers and helped myself to a nice bowl of Apple-Jacks. I deserve to eat food like that after living with my mom for 12 years. Though the other day we did go to KFC and thomas bought me a KFC double down chicken sandwich, but that was ruined when he told me that they grossed HIM out! That totaly sucked, because if a food grosses thomas out you know that it must be made of mustard. Eww.

Anyway, after that I sat on my brown swivel chair and watched countless NBA draft preview shows on countless different channels. I hated listening to the same thing over and over and over again so I tuned it off and played Nerf ball with my new red and purple ball that will probably be lost once i take it to my house. I did this for a few hours until I had a nice lunch of Hebrew national Hot-dogs. they get better every time I eat them. it almost makes me want to make a commercial out of it.

"When I say Hebrew you say National, Hebrew National go blend of meats, usually chicken, beef, pork, or turkey and then meat fat, oatmeal, bread crumbs, various seasonings, and other ingredients. They are then mushed together and put into hot dog molds. Store bought hot dogs are put into cellulose casings, but homemade are usually made of intestines that people try to caaal meat! That might not make sense.

After that encounter I went to the basketball court again to make my self esteem drop again because of the shitty rim that they put there. Grandma made me bring a water bottle this time so instead of drinking out of it i poured it on my head every few minutes to keep cool. No one was there gain today. i thought that they must have been at the pool, but when I checked with grandma I found out that the only pool in Goldendale in history was the one in our back yard. On the way home, while listening to our audiobook I saw the guy who I played basketball with yesterday. He gave me the head nod and me, trying to be as black as my white skin would allow, nodded back.

When we got home I laid on the bed, watching several draft preview shows. it really sucked, even up until the draft too. The draft was so boring in fact, it might still be going on. Oh yeah its still going on and it started at 4:30! Portland got this guy called Elliot Williams. That totally sucked.

just another old day in Goldedale...

*Caution* this post contains lots and lots of sarcasm so don't believe everything you read... good life lesson.

Looking forward to the day ahead of me...

First off I want to start by apologizing about that video on my last blog, I had no idea that Fifa was such a bitch. Listen Fifs, if it's okay to play that video on Youtube it should be more than f***ing okay to play it on my blog! From this moment forward I am boycotting Fifa. Yeah thats right, Fifa you heard me, now NBATV is my new best friend... ha!

Anyway, before all that I wanted to talk about today. Today is the day of the 59th NBA draft and I am so excited. Portland has the 22nd pick 9not good at all) and I am hoping that they get that 6'11 Whiteside guy. I checked last night and it turns out that he is the 22nd most talented player in the draft, today. But we will see.

Also today i want to work on the story I am writing about a boy (based on me) who wants to run away. But don't worry I don't want to run away. Here is a sample.

It seemed highly improbable that a kid like me would ever come across the thought of running away, especially when his life was doing better. Maybe it was the sense of impending doom, in that my report card would be arriving in my Portland home soon. Maybe it was the sense that my life had struck the point where it was routine.

You hear some adults talking about how much they would give to have a routine life. My father, for example, he just got back from a business trip and envied me because I had a solid routine in my life. Frankly I think this is stupid. Why would someone want to do the same thing at the same time every day?

What I have learned in my life after all this was that it wasn’t really about what you do, it’s about what you don’t do or what doesn’t happen to you or something like that. As a kid I couldn’t quit grasp the thought of something happening because I didn’t do something. I seemed to think it all happened because of what did happen. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

I grew up in Portland Oregon and I lived there for most of the time. Every other weekend I would go up to my grandma’s house in a small lonely town called Goldendale. When I went up to her house it was very different from being at my mother’s house down in Portland. I got to do whatever I want whenever I please and, most importantly I had free 24-hour access to the fridge.

At that time I was up there for 4 days to visit before I went away to a Basketball camp at the very Catholic, George Fox University. The only thing going on in my life, that wasn’t pleasant, was that I was expecting a final report card before summer and I did not know the contents of it and in gave me an unsettling feeling at night.

I would lay in my bed thinking “it could have come today,’ and I mixed thoughts about that.
For one thing it could come and be horrible and my mother could hate me for the entire summer. On the other hand it could come and I could be welcomed back to Portland by happy parents and signs that said, “You are smart.”

It all hit me at about 9:00 when grandma and me were sitting on the couch, watching television. We were watching a really sketchy show about a girl who can see ghosts. I don’t know where it came from but I got the sudden urge to be free and to get away from my life. Again, it was probably the sense of doom that my report card might have just arrived at my house. Maybe not. Either way I was all of a sudden determined to get out of this house, to get out of all houses, to get out of the city or town, to get away from my life.

When the idea hit me I startled back for a minute and asked grandma if she would excuse me. Kind of sudden, I know but I felt like I had been thinking about it for years and I had just realized the missing piece to it. I did the rational thing and tried to calm myself down by watching some of the basketball game that was on.

My conscience knew it was a really stupid Idea but my smarter sub-conscience told my conscience that it was a good idea. I pondered why I would be having these thoughts. I knew how it would all pan out. I would devastate my entire family and one of them might commit suicide.

Yet, I still couldn’t get myself to think it wasn’t a good idea. Instantly in my mind came a picture I saw in a magazine of a boy who had committed numerous crimes, yet he hadn’t even reached the age of 15. Was I him? Could I be the next… him? No absolutely not. I was loyal to my family. If one of them asked me to jump off a bridge I might do it. (Depending on the height of the bridge and the temperature of the murky waters below.)

I would not do this. I would not kill the rest of my family’s lives just because I felt the urge to be alone, or free. I am but 1 star in the company of Heaven.

Some of you are reading this and thinking, “what a crazy guy, this can’t happen so fast,” but you are wrong. Let me demonstrate. If you are sitting on a park bench in the middle of the day, eating a sandwich and you happen to see the most beautiful girl you have ever seen and she sees you, it is love at first sight. This is not uncommon from what I experienced just 30 minutes ago. It was love at first sight for me, and that horrible idea. But it is forbidden love. I cannot love an idea like that if it hurts my family and people that I care about. Forbidden love, forbidden love.

I lay there on my bed looking down on the newly washed green sheets that my grandma just placed there. My mind came down to one question. Should I go through with it?

My mind came up with a decision that totally surprised me. I told myself that I would sleep on it and what ever I felt like I wanted to do in the morning was my future.

After taking a cold shower I tucked myself into bed and turned off the lamp. I was so surprised at how fast I fell asleep. I fell asleep at my normal rate, which is not normal when I have something on my mind. I am the kind of person who has to think about what just happened, the kind of person who has to analyze every detail of it, but I don’t talk about it because I have learned that people find it annoying.

That is just a bit of it. i will post the whole thing on here when I am done and again don't worry I don't want to run away, I was just running out of topics and this is a pretty interesting one. Okay?

After that I am going to have a nice lunch of Hebrew National Hot-dogs followed by a nice basketball playing at the park. Hopefully they tore out the old rims and put in new ones. Maybe that guy will be there again, today/ Who knows.

After that i plan to sit on my ass for 4 hours and watch the 59th NBA draft, and eat cake... yum.

Who am I?

I feel like a completely different person, now that school is over. For one thing I can pretty much just sit on the couch and veg all day. For another I can sleep in and wake up when ever the hell I feel like it. just for the hell of it, I still set my alarm for 7 even though i don't wake up, then. I like the feeling of waking up, thinking it is a school day, realizing its not, and than going back to sleep.

Maybe its just the summer air but I have been having some pretty wacky dreams lately. For example, last night I had a dream that PPs had funded a trip for the entire JMP to go around the moon. Not on, just around. The teacher that would be taking us was, of course, Mr. Groom. Before we got on the rocket he made each of us sign a little waver that said if we die our relatives cannot sue PPS. I signed it. I remember 2 things that were weird from the dream. 1.) I sat next to Anna Claire (one of my worst relations of all time) and we had an argument about how she shouldn't keep her papers in a CD case because it would waste glass. I think that maybe i just wanted to argue with her. 2.) Milo (see "Supporting Cast") had a white computer from the language lab and on the screen was a weird version of the Comcast cable menu.

When I woke up I was unusually oscitant. I think it had something to do with the really weird dreams.

Thomas has been really into watching World Cup soccer in spanish and let me tell you, the people just talk a little fast for me and after a while the voices can get really annoying. oh mi gosh que era uno de los mejores movimientos del futbal de toda la hora. guau! eso era asombroso! and so on. That is the voice that is echoing in our home while I write, read, play basketball etc.

It isn't a bad thing but after a while it can get just a tad bit annoying.

Another thing that I have been doing with my summer break is reading to write. yesterday i went to the library and got 3 boks on writing, editing and fiction. One of them is called Writing Fiction for dummies.

And I have to say it has definitely helped me and so I definitely recommend it to anyone who seeks fiction writing enlightenment.

Thats all the time we have for now.

What is With all the short kids that can kick your ass?

Today as I walked t the park I was eager to get all my energy out before all the rain came in and "rained on my parade." I could see the dark storm clouds in the distance, closing i on me, watching my every move, thinking "hahahaa we are going to get you Eli." It started to sprinkle lightly and i knew that my time was going to be strictly limited due to the cloud. I started to run to escape the rain and as i did, ever so slowly, it started to stop sprinkling and the clouds parted, revealing the bright yellow sun.

As I closed in to the park I could hear the sound of a basketball being dribbled and I thought to myself yes i get to beat somebody and as i turned the corner, that led to the hoops i saw this really short really white kid playing against this girl and beating her. I thought that this guy was going to be beat so bad that he was never going to come back her again. I did my normal "i want to play a game with you" routine. I walked over to his hoop and started to shoot. We make eye contact and he seemed pretty good, he made some shots and made a really cool through the legs lay up, but than things changed.

I went up for a jump shot and I air balled it. He looked at me and said "nice shot," and than he got my ball for me. I said "thanks but i bet you can do better," and he gave me a funny look. He asked me if i wanted to play a game with him and i accepted. He walked over to his friend who was sitting on his bike watching us and said that e should watch him beat the crap out of him. I thought that this kid could never beat me.

I did my normal pre game routine, i told him he could start and i threw the ball in his face to let him know that i meant business. He started by trying to distract me by asking a bunch of questions like what school i went to and how old i was and than i fell for his fake and he went in and made a lay up. I cursed silently because i had never won a game where the other person had scored first and he seemed pretty good, so there was a good chance that that record might still be there when i wake up tomorrow.

He went into the corner and made a really hard contested 3 with my hand in his face and i gave him the ball and we checked. To keep things interesting I started to trash talk him. I asked him how tall he was and he said he was 4"7 and than i told him that was 5"5 and he said that the bigger they are the harder they fall.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked after that remark. He said no and than he went in and made a lay up. Wow. Every time i play somebody they always fall for my humor and it distracts them and it makes the game easier. but not this guy. If i wanted to win this game I was going to have to go all skill on him. He shot a 3 and aired it which mean that it was my ball, but he said that there was no outs. I said yeah there was, and he said that we could do outs. At this point i was really pissed. He was doing the whole "even though we are going to play by your rules i am still going to kick your ass" routine and I didn't like it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key. I finally got the ball and so i was going to make something of it. I had noticed that he hadn't done any behind the back moves and so i thought he didn't know that move so I was going to try it on him. I drove to the right and got really close to the rim and did a pump fake go him in the air, did a behind the back move and made a lay up. Even though it was the biggest double dribble of my life he didn't call it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key and we did the thing all over again. This time I drove left and did a behind the back move but he stole it and he did it fast like he knew it was coming. Man, he adapted fast. Now that I think about it he kind of did look like a guy that would have had no trouble blending in on the Borg Mother Ship.

Dear Somebody...

Dear Somebody,
I know that you are very busy, somebody, but I feel that I should tell you about my life right now. Why am I writing you a letter, you ask? Because I am so damn bored that crapping my pants almost seems like it would be fun right now. So anyway, on Friday my grandma picked me up from school, but she was very late because she turned left instead of right and she got lost, so she was late.
Me and my friends decided that it would be fun to call Mr. Bacons classroom and listen to his voicemail. It was a computer saying "hello" and than Bacon's voice came in and said "Matthew Bacon-Brenes?" Almost like he didn't know what his name was, and than the computer would say "is not available," and than all the options would come one. All in all it was a pretty fun idea. We did it over and over and over, and nobody would answer because Bacon is in Japan and his office was empty... oh lol.
In Seigel's class he read a letter (actually an E-mail that Bacon sent) to us and it was really funny because he would always stutter whenever there was a really hard Japanese word. "I am getting lots of... omriragi, what?" And than we would all say what it really was and he would be all like what ever and just keep reading until it all happened again. It was like reading a book about the rain cycle.
Lately, Somebody, I have been seeing lots of things about the NFL draft because my friend Milo that sits next to me ALWAYS talks about it. Whenever we get a computer to do research on our E.P's he always go's to ESPN and looks it up and he always vents to me about how he thinks that the Viking's should have gotten Tim Tebo, whoever he is. I don't care, now when the NBA draft comes around... thats gonna be awesome because first of all no one's last name is going to be Tebo and second of all it's Basketball and it is actually and interesting sport.
Since Bacon is in Japan we have this new sub that is really a b****. First of all she either takes a shower AT the school or she puts a lot of gel in her hair because her hair is really really shiny and smelly. I think she even laughed once too. Oh wait no she didn't. She is one of those subs that doesn't know what the hell she is doing so she burns people for no reason. I would rather have BAcon teaching the class than her. And now that she has been here for a while she knows what we are supposed to do so there is no "oh yeah we have recess right now," kind of thing. Nope. Back when she was a new sub we did that to her all the time, and she fell for it. Some subs are smart and actually know what to do... not her. Sometimes we get lucky though, when the teacher forgets to write the things that we are supposed to do, so we can trick the teacher all we want. Ha ha haa.
On Sunday we went to church and we learned all about how we are not supposed to keep the 10 commandments, but we are supposed to think about them when ever we violate them. I was so bored that I started counting how many times Greg said I believe (8) and started reading my graphic novel bible. Sometimes I think church is fun because now I actually know something so I can go be all smart in front of Thomas. I also kept track of how many times we prayed. We prayed 5 times in the whole thing, and at one point we prayed twice in a row. I'm no expert on it but I think God gets it! I could imagine God being like my mom, when people pray to many times he gets pissed and tells the people to stop praying because he gets what they are saying. I will ask my mom to play my PS3 and she won't say anything and I will ask her again and she will get a mad look on her face and tell me that she knows what I want. But eventually, praying will come through for me... like when me and my mom decide to go to a midnight mass at the church and and I am so tired. The priest will say that it is time to pray and I will fall asleep, will I am praying. Is that a sin? In church I learned something that really made me get pissed. So Greg said that if you sin in this life that your future generation's will be punished. I felt like I was in school so I raised my hand and than I took it back down again, but what I wanted to say was that everybody sins, so wont every generation be influenced by badness?
"Well no, Eli, it doesn't work that way," Greg would say. "Since I am perfect and you are a rotten piece of S*** my generation will be awesome and yours will be a bunch of Garbage-men when they grow up." And after that we would sing a song and one of the lines will say "... who saved a wretch like me." All those songs really hurt my self esteem.
Somebody? When things like that happen do you go talk to your health teacher... well we are learning about self esteem right now so... yeah.
This week we are going on a field trip to go see the play the chosen. Two worlds collide beneath the shadow of an ancient tradition when a young Hasidic boy knocks a ball right into the eye of his Orthodox rival at a baseball game between their two yeshivas. The batter is Danny Saunders, the brilliant hereditary heir apparent to his father Reb Saunders, the leader of an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic sect. The pitcher is Reuven Malter, son of David, a modern Orthodox humanist professor whose writings are hated by Reb Saunders. Danny's line drive puts Reuven in the hospital, but guilt draws him to visit, and the most unlikely of friendships develop.
Over time, Danny's intellectual curiosity about the secular world draws him towards the Malter family, where he finds the warmth that his father (who refuses to speak to Danny except when studying the Talmud) has denied. Then World War II ends, bringing the possibility of a Jewish state. A heated disagreement between the fathers about the nascent state of Israel results in Reb Saunders forbidding Danny to speak to Reuven. The silence between them strains (and ultimately transforms) their relationships to their families, their faiths and each other. As they each walk the careful line between their own dreams for the future and the paths their fathers have chosen for them, both boys discover that sometimes the most critical choice you can make is the choice...of a friend.

Freaky, right? So what do you think.

Eli Hacker.

To A Happy Earth Day,

Happy Earth Day to you, Happy earth Day to you, Happy Earth Day dear Eeeeaaarth... Happy Earth Day tooooo Yooouu. What? I felt that it was appropriate to wish the Earth a Happy Earth Day. The reason I remembered today was Earth day was that all the teachers in the school, besides Mr Seigel, wore these green faded "Happy earth Day" T-shirts with a picture of an owl saying "hoot," on it. And Mr. Groom made a big huge deal about and talked about littering and stuff like that. You're a science teacher, man. I wish that we could rid the world of littering, but more importantly I wish that we could rid the world of people over talking about littering and people writing books about how you can save paper... and those pencils that are made from old newspapers, that are the cheapest piece of crap I have seen in the whole universe.
Now, on to what actually happened on Earth Day. Me and my mom left the house, but not very fast because when we were about to get in the car I realized that I had forgotten my glasses, so I went back inside and grabbed my glasses and said goodbye to my little one. Earlier Thomas had posted some funny things on Facebook about how Chuck Norris was so afraid of... "the mage?" Yeah... ok I guess thats what he said. We got in the car and my mom quikly turned on the Kboo radio station and we listened to that most of the way there. I was making fun of it pretty much the whole time.
"And uhhhhhhhh why is it like uhhhhhhh that?"
"Well, the health care for women uhhhhhhh is not as good as with uhhhhhhhh guys, I don't uhhhhhh care what they say about it uhhhhh its not."
It was pretty funny, but my mom got sick of me saying uhhhhhhh and trying to imatate them so she turned off the radio.
When we got to the place where my mom drops me off I tried the best that I could to distract her to get her to actually drive me to the school, but it didn't work. She gave a big me fat kiss and afterwards I checked to see if any of my friends were in the proximity of ground 0, but luckily no one was there. Sigh. I walked up to the school very slowly for no reason at all. I like walking. It makes me feel like I am my dad, walkin' all the time and smellin' like Axe. Ahhh Phoenix.
I got to the school and me and my friends did our usual morning thing until the bell rang. 1st period was so boring that I could have fallen asleep for 10 years... my mom would be all like "you have 10 years of homework overdue," "I missed you too mom." We worked on our E.P the whole time and the sub was acting like a b****! My theory with subs is that they purposely try to get you in trouble so that they can tell the teacher that and the teacher will like them. They are so smug.
In Math class we played a math game and we were supposed to tell what % we had of winning the game. They're was a 51.5% chance for player B to win and a 48.%% chance of player A to win the game. In the end of the class i got up on Ms. Sullivan's stool and imitated her saying hi I'm Ms. Sullivan, and I did it with her game show host voice.
At lunch recess we were all playing basketball and stuff, and so i went up for a shot and I landed funny (made the shot) and Kenji hem hem "accidently" landed on me too. I twisted my ankle really bad. But the cool thing was that after that I didn't shoot I just passed it and I came out of the game with like 8 assists. I limped over to health class and learned about the male reproductive system. So much fun.
I limped over to science and we did this thing were we have to make the Velocity match what it is on the paper. I totally screwed up because the line was going up, not down. Later I learned that to make the line go down one must walk TOWARDS the motion detector. Ahh that makes sense.
In Language Arts we talked about the play we are going to go see next week called The Chosen.

THE END

The last week, or so,

I have spent the last few days at my grandma's house, in Washington. It all started on Friday, the last day of school for a while because of Spring Break. I thought that Grandma was going to pick me up, so I scanned the block to see if I could find a light green Prius. I looked and I looked, but I just couldn't find it. Instead on the north side of the school I found Thomas's car. I climbed in and no surprise to me... he was texting.
"Just one second, I am replying to something on Facebook," he said. I didn't say anything, because I know if I did say something it would probably be something I would regret in the near future.
When he was done, he set down his phone and asked me how my day was.
"Oh, you know. The same. Well actually Mr. Groom was here today and Mr. Bacon told us about our E.P's," i said.
"What's and E.P," he asked me, while starting the car.
"Expert Project, we have to learn a lot of stuff about something and share it with the class," I mumbled. He nodded and started to focus on driving. There was an unusual amount of red lights on the way home. I thought maybe God wanted me and THomas to socialize. I didn't really want to talk, I had a long day at school and I wanted to keep it cool for the next week.
I guessed that he had picked me up because he had gone to the tubs to soak and left the baby with grandma. He does that a lot now. I want to go to the tubs. When we got home I found grandma with my cute little baby brother.
I picked him up and said "I love you, little one," and gave him to Thomas.
Me and the Grandmister left shortly after that. The ride to Goldendale was pretty short, considering that we listened to an audiobook all the way home.
When we got to my home away from home away from home (that is not a typo,) I layed on my bed and watched NBATV until it was 10 and I went to bed. In bed i thought about basketball.

SATURDAY:

I woke up at around 8:30 because grandma had a thing were she wanted everyone to be up when she was. I got up and she fixed me a bowl of Apple Jacks and i sat down with my t.v tray and watched NBATV for a while.
Sadly there weren't any Blazer games on the night before so I couldn't really say that the show was "interesting." That was about all I did until noon when me and grandpa went over to the Basketball court to play some good ol' b-ball. I beat him 21 to 18. He wanted to quit after that.
So we went over to Subway and I had my regular thing. Turkey, mustard, L&T, salt, pickles and onions... yum.
When we got home I watched NBATV for the rest of the afternoon and than we had some dinner, though I don't remember what it was.
Then we all went to bed, thinking about basketball.

SUNDAY:

On Sunday I woke up, drowsily to grandma's voice, again. I stayed in bed for 30 more seconds, than slowly got up and walked into thee kitchen.
"Good morning," she said to me while preparing my cereal.
"Good morning to you," i said quietly, still fighting falling asleep while standing. We small talked for the rest of the 2 minutes and 48.6 seconds i was in the kitchen and then I went into my room and watched the games from the night before and all the highlights and that stuff.
I gobbled down my cereal and took a quick shower. Afterwards I watched more NBATV and got dressed.
We went to church at 10:30 so we could be there and talk with all the other people. Paster Greg's sermon was... interesting. We left the building very slowly, so we could socialize with everyone else.
"Oh Hannah you are growing up to be such a doll."
"Don't forget our piano lessons."
"Isn't God great."
"You are so handsome."
"Oh my land what a cute dress."
"How is your sister doing?"
"Um... he is actually my brother."
"Oh (chuckle chuckle) my mistake. How is he?
"Eli, why aren't you flying those h-e-l-i-c-o-p-t-e-r-s?"
"We can't fly them with all the chairs in here, Dwayne."
"Hahahahahahahahaha."
That is just a sample of what it is like walking out of Grace Brethren Church.
I had lunch when we got home and at 2:30 Grandma took me to play some basketball at the park. There was no one there so it was kind of boring shooting with no one but myself.
When all that stuff was over grandma took me home and I watched NBATV until about 6 when grandpa took me and grandma outside to help him put up sheetrock. Most of the time I was in the corner of the shed reading an old burnt up records book but occasionally I helped.

After this was all done I watched some more NBATV and then I went to bed.

MONDAY:

I woke up, but surprisingly not to grandma's call. I laid in bed for 5 more minutes so i could rest my feet and relax. I don't know why but after 11 hours of sleep I felt that I needed rest. Funny, right?
I got out of bed and went pee so I could go drink Hot Chocolate while the tank was empty. I said hello to grandma and got my yellow ball that my mom would not let me use at her house and started playing with it using the miniature hoop.

After this was over I ate my breakfast while watching NBATV, naturally. Grandma had to go teach Piano lessons at her church so I was alone in the house for a while. During this time I watched NBATV and played with the miniature hoop.
When she got home she fixed me some Hebrew National Hotdogs, even though they were the wrong kind. The day before we had a big argument about what kind of Hotdogs are pork and which are beef.
I ended this conversation by saying that it probably wasn't either one... it was another one. AHHHH! Oh, sorry about that.
The rest of the day was kind of normal. NBATV, blazer game, dinner all that jazz.

TUESDAY:

Tuesday was a really cool day. I woke up and grandma made me breakfast and yeah. Then me and her and my aunt Jessica left to go to The Dalles to go shopping and see the new Alice in Wonderland story.
The movie was great, though Johnny Depp was in it way more than he needed to be. We got a bottle warmer for my brother and that was about it.
When we got back home nothing much really happened. Except I had a great dinner of soup and crackers.

WEDNESDAY:

On Wednesday I couldn't focus because all I could think about was going to the park and playing Basketball. We left to go to the park at one, but we found a lot of kids there. So we went and did some errands first and then we came back but there were still a bunch of kids there.
So i decided to go and play with them, no matter what. At first it didn't work so well. It went something like this.
(Snicker.) "He is white."
"Hahahahahahahahah."
"Oh he can dribble it through his legs. He is like Michael Jordan," followed by an attempt to dribble through his legs followed by the ball ending up in the middle of the street. Now who's Michael Jordan, dumbbutt.
Than I found some people to play a game with and I came out with 10 points. By the end I was exhausted so when I got the ball I passed it to someone.

By the time this was all over I came home and went to bed, thinking about Basketball.

(I am going to skip Thursday because nothing happened.)

FRIDAY:

On friday we woke up at 7 so we could go see GG and Gramps.
On thee way down we listened to this Mary Higgins Clark audio book about, well nevermind.
Ok just to put this in perspective we drove 3 and a half hours to go to Burgerking. But I guess we say GG and Gramps.
When we got to Portland we picked up Jasper. He was so cute!!!

GG and gramps got to hold him.

And then we went home, and that was it.

THE END.

March 7th... I can't think of a better name,

Yesterday was fun. The day started off by me waking up and watching NBATV, of course. And then I took a shower and got dressed and me and grandma went to church... sigh. Paster Greg's sermon was about the devil and, honestly it sounded like he was talking about World of Warcraft.
"We are in a war and maybe the devil is going to send out one of his sergeants or privets to get you!!" Um... okay.
Anyway me and grandma made a deal that after church she and me would go out to the basketball court and she would do Bible study in the car and I would play basketball. And so I waited and waited, watching NBATV and Sports-center (only when it was on Basketball,) and I watched a Magic vs. Laker game which came down to the wire and L.A would have won if Kobe had seen Pau Gasol in the corner with and open jumper. Grandma also made cookies for me and grandpa. Yum.
After that it was about 2:30 so we went to the park and I played basketball by myself. Than these guys came over and kept picking up my ball and throwing it back to me.
They asked me if i wanted to play a game. I said sure. So we played 2 on 1 (I was the 1.) I started with the ball. I used my jimmy legs to fake him out and he would fall down than to the other guy I faked right went left behind the back shot up the shot and... swish. (That was for you mom.)
It was 8 to zip by 3:00 but then they mounted a comeback. I was getting tired of blocking there shots and stealing the ball, so I slacked on defense but I still won 16 to 10. I remember a great shot were I was coming out of and inbound and shot it up behind the backboard and it went in!
Now and Grandmas house I average 19.4 points a game... take that Derek Rose.

Brandon Jennings... The Hair Man

Brandon Jennings is now my favorite player in the NBA right now mostly because of his hair. He has the coolest hair in the history of the NBA. The cool thing about Brandon Jennings is that he changes his hair style a lot.

Brandon is so full of himself. When he was at the rookie challenge in Dallas he was all like "my fans," this and "my fans," that.
On July 16, 2008, Jennings signed with Lottomatica Roma of the Italian Lega A.] The contract he signed with Roma was for $1.65 million net income guaranteed and after earning the contract with Lottomatica, Under Armour gave Jennings a $2 million contract to showcase their products in the Euroleague. Jennings was the first player to play for a European team rather than play for a college basketball team since the NBA's age restriction rule was implemented.
In the Italian Lega A 2008-09 season, Jennings averaged in 27 games, 5.5 points, 1.6 rebounds, 2.2 assists, and 1.5 steals in 17.0 minutes per game. He shot 35.1 percent from the field and 20.7 percent from 3 point range in Lega A play. In 16 Euroleague games, Jennings averaged 7.6 points, 1.6 rebounds, 1.6 assists, and 1.2 steals in 19.6 minutes per game. In the Euroleague he shot 38.7 percent from the field and 26.8 percent from 3 point range
Jennings was selected tenth overall by the Milwaukee Bucks in the 2009 NBA Draft. He became the first player who skipped college to play professional basketball in Europe to be drafted by an NBA team. Jennings also made a notable appearance at the draft. He had initially decided not to attend the draft and preferred to be at a family function during the draft. After he was drafted by the Bucks, he left the family function and headed to the Madison Square Garden. He later came out on the stage after the 14th pick was announced to have his picture taken with the NBA commissioner David Stern, just like all drafted players who attend the draft.



During Jennings' NBA regular season debut on October 30, 2009 against the Philadelphia 76ers, Jennings recorded 17 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists, and hit 2 three-point shots, just shy of a triple-double and played 34 minutes. In the second game on October 31, 2009 against the Detroit Pistons, also the debut in Bradley Center, Jennings scored 16 points during the third quarter and a team-high 24 points for the game to lead the Milwaukee Bucks to their first victory of the 2009–10 regular season.
On November 14, 2009, after a scoreless first quarter, Jennings scored 29 points in the 3rd quarter against Golden State en route to a total of 55 points in the game to break the team record for most points by a rookie, previously set by Lew Alcindor in 1970. Jennings' performance was the most points scored by a rookie since Earl "The Pearl" Monroe scored 56 in 1968. He became the youngest player to ever score 55, collecting the second-highest total for a player under 21, behind only LeBron James' 56 points in March 2005, and the second-most points scored by a Milwaukee Buck (behind Michael Redd's 57 in 2006).
On February 2, 2010, he was selected to compete in the Taco Bell Skills Challenge.

This might only be interesting to me.



.

NBA Allstar Game in Dallas.

The NBA all star game in Dallas is one of the top sporting events in the year.

I personally am routing for the west because my main man Brandon Roy was an Allstar for the 3rd straight time.

But sadly he wont be able to play because of a hurt hamstring.

Instead Chris Kamen, Of the Los Angeles Clippers will play for him... a center replacing a shooting guard... hmm.

But the east are a pretty good team to with A well deserved Allstar David Lee, Al Horeford, Rajon Rondo and of course my second main man Allen Iverson. But Allen wont be playing because of "personal resons."

Thats what they all say Allen. Today (February 13th) i watched the East peactice. Dwight Howard broke the world record of longest shot sitting down. He shot a shot 73 feet back, sitting on the floor!

Lebron James attempted to beat the world record of halfcourt shots in a minute (5). He only made 3 but he was shooting it like a jumpshot.

Anyway Allstar game tommorrow, go West.