Ocean Odyssey,

Well, before I begin with this post i think a full hearted "welcome back!" is in order. My off time was very healthy for me. I got to focus on the one thing that matters more than writing... basketball. This was very good for me. I think i will do it every once and a while to reconnect with my inner (and outer) basketball player.

Back to camp. This was my 2nd to last camp before all the camps were gone. I didn't know what to expect going into the first day. What kind of crowd would there be? Would it be the beanie and saggin' jeans crowd or a bunch of mental people... or both. AHHH! Well, when I stepped into the "corral," on the first day when my mom dropped me off i knew that i was in for it. There was a group of girls in one corner talking about Icarly and trying to act funny, and than there was a group of guys in the farthest corner away from the girls, all huddled around someone playing a Nintendo DS. And than there was a red head in a corner clutching 2 stuffed animals and talking to himself. I looked around to see if there was anyone else, there was an asian boy in the corner reading and that was it.

I later found out his name was Jonah and he was japanese. Yes, I can read your mind. "Oh, Eliii you can talk japanese to someone thats so cool!" Nooo! I will not speak japanese until i get graded for it or kid napped by the japanese mafia, and none of those are going to happen anytime soon... i think. I found out that he barely spoke it.

The class itself was kind of boring, because we sat in a class room from 9 to 3 and talked about fish, but on and on we would get to go out side and I would pummel the asian kids ass at basketball.

The only interesting thing that happened that week, that wasn't the camp out was when we got to dissect a squid. It was so wrong that if i described it here i would have to put a suggestive content warning at the top of the page. I got to pull out brains out of his ass and i got to cut him in half and i got to be in the new fabreeze commercial cuz' i smelled so bad. That was Wednesday and that meant that tomorrow I got to do an over night in Newport. Thats right. FOUR HOUR ROAD TRIP TO WATCH FISH SLEEP ON THE GROUND AND SWIM! It wasn't to fun, mostly because I got to share a tent with the kid with stuffed animals and Jonah. The stuffed animal kid snored and talked in his sleep and Jonah kept rolling on top of me. They got up at, like 5-am and so that meant i got to sleep peacefully until 8.

After i got up we packed up and got on a bus for 4 more hours to drive home, but now I am chillin' at grandma's house. Ahh...

Dear Everybody...

Hello, everybody. I would like to start by saying that i will not be able to finish the pentology for my own reason's. I am very sorry. All I can tell you is that that camp was super fun. If you want to know more about it you can ask to in person.

2nd I will be taking a break from blogging until I am at my grandma's house in a couple of weeks. I just want to focus on my summer and my personal writing for a little bit, instaed of trying to juggle all these things. I suck at multitasking. So if you want to ask me something about my summer feel free to contact me about it.

See you in 2 weeks!

Part 2 of the Hitchhikers Anonymous Pentology,

Yesterday we were told, before we left, that we had to leave OMSI at 8 in the morning. Yes, that meant that I had to get up at 6. I nearly cried at the thought of getting up at 6 in the summer, to go wind surfing.

I got out of bed and put on my sweatshirt and swimsuit so i was ready to go swimming. I than went downstairs and fixed myself some blueberry pancakes and sat there, listening to sappy pop songs on my ipod. As I was getting to "Can't be Tamed," by Miley Cyrus when I heard the fain footsteps of my mom coming down the stairs. I quickly got off my Ipod and went into the kitchen to greet her with a hug. She enthusiastically hugged me back. I waited for a while, until Thomas took me to the OMSI building. On the way there we listened to ESPN Sports radio 10.80 The Fan.

The parking lot was empty, because it was so freaking early in the morning. We were the first ones there and so we waited for the check in to open and than Thomas checked me in. It was so freaking cold that I actually rolled down my sleeves. I know, right!

Once everyone got there, we went to the bathroom in the turbine hall. While everyone was taking care of there business, I was throwing paper planes down the elevator shaft. I never got caught. [fast forward] We got off the bus and started to eat our snacks. Before we went into the water we had to have our wet-suits fitted. This took like 8 hours because everyone didn't know how to put them on. I took like 2 seconds because mine was a perfect fit. And than they told us that we had to put on booties and a life jacket. Last year we didn't even wear a wet-suit, we roughed it, i only wore a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I almost drowned....

Once everybody had there wet suit on we went over to the river where we were taught how to wind surf. The thing that made me mad was there was 2 different kinds of 180's. There was an up wind 180 and a down wind 180. What's the difference, they both turn you around.

We, than, had lunch and then it was time to get into the water. I walked down to the shore and put a toe in the water. It was really warm. Slowly I took more step's until I was waist deep. it was freezing once you got to waist deep, and than it was the hard part. I had to put my genital area under the water. That hurt so much, man. I rode around on a board for a while until one of the life guards offered to help me actually wind surf. I said sure, and crawled onto the board. I hoisted up the mast and than
"plop!" I fell in backwards. My entire body was soaked now, and I was freezing.

I tried to do this so many more times, but every time I fell on my ass in the water. I never actually wind surfed. If I could name the field trip I would call it, Ass Wetting Boarding. I was soaked after that, and when we got out of the water, my feet got all sandy. YUK!

Tomorrow is gliding. Yep, falling out of the sky in a plane without a motor. Sigh.

Part 1 of the Hitchhikers Anonymous Pentology,

Here is 3 reason's why people should never wear khaki's ever as long as they live. 1.) They look horrible, the color is kind of the same as barf, and when your pants look like barf... just don't wear em'. 2.) They make your legs really hot and sweaty and uncomfortable, but maybe thats a good thing, because you could ruin your khaki's and not be able to wear them again. 3.) This is directed towards to khaki's with the cut-off shorts. You look horrible, the only person who wants to wear you is people at Eli's hit the road camp.

My camp started at 9, when Thomas dropped me off at the drop off tent, just outside of the OMSI building. I stood there, in my sweatshirt and jeans, and tried to look as cool as possible. I would frown and turn around some times and constantly flip my hair. The only thing that was missing was an Ipod, but they wouldn't let us take them with us. I kept mine with me anyway, so I could say that mine was with me. I also had my phone in a pocket in my back pack, also so I could say that I had it.

I ran into some girls that went to a camp last year, with me, but we didn't really talk until the Alpine Slides. Once everyone got to the drop off place, we went to the bathrooms to take a leak before we could no longer take a leak. We got on the bus and the girl counselor proceeded to tell us the schedule for the day. We were going to drive to Mt. Hood and go on the Alpine Slides for and hour and 30 minutes. Than we would go and eat lunch at the amusement park for 30 minutes, and finally we would play there for an hour before we would go back to ISMO, sorry, OMSI.

[fast forward past the part where I sit on the bus for 2 hours and be bored.] We were supposed to get on these really old, blue ski lifts to get to the top off the hill, before we sled back down again. That made me uncomfortable, because these things were ancient. The guy told me to walk on to the painted circle and wait for the ski lift to come and pick me up. I started out really slowly and than, little by little, we got faster. I tried to touch each pole as I went by it, than I heard someone from the seat behind me yell, "HI!" I said hello, back and than she asked me my name and yadayadayada. Than the people in the cart behind her started to talk to me, and it turned out they were the people from the camp, last year. I said hi and we had a loud conversation, considering we were 1 ski lift apart.

Once we got to the top, we got into 2 lines behind 2 slides. I got on the left one. The guy said I could go and so I started to push myself down and before you know it, i'm going fast as hell. It really hurt my arms because you had to push a lever to go fast and my arms were sore from clutching the sides of the ski lift while I was going up. I did that 3 more times before we drove to the amusement park to eat lunch.

I spent the rest of the afternoon playing on a bungie trampoline (hurt my balls) and sliding down a hill in an inner tube and getting sprayed by a sprinkler. On the bus ride back I talked with my friends from the camp last year. Tomorrow I need to get up and 6 to go to camp because we have to get leave early to go wind surfing. All the details, next.

I call this the hitchhikers blog because hit the road, kind of sounds like a hitchhiking camp.

The Last Days in Goldendale,

*Sniffle sniffle.* Well, ladies and gentlemen, the time has come for me, to leave my home away from home, in Goldendale to return to my home in Portland. It has been a good 2 weeks, all the NBATV, all the mini basketball in the hallway, all the basketball games (that i kicked ass at) and all the food. I will miss it. I won't return to this small town for another 3 weeks. Yes, I have camps for 3 weeks straight. That means that I will not be able to make fun of this town for 3 weeks! I will have to make up for it, somehow. I got it! I can make fun of Portland. Yes, thats what I'll do. *Pat on the back.*

But, i miss my baby brother so much, it will be good to see him again. I don't want to leave. I like it up here, aside from the really bad service, the obnoxious wind, the bad hoops, the bad typewriters, the sky thats way to light, the channel flipping whenever a Tampax commercial comes on. Other than that I will miss this town so much.

Why do I have to leave. WAAAH!

Top 5 Rip-offs of all Time,

When I was writing the blog about the typewriter that had white out for ink, it got me thinking, that maybe I should make a list of the top 5 rip-offs of all time. Just so, you know, you people know what to stay away from when you are in Canada or Office World etc. You should print this post out and keep it in a pocket so you can refer to it whenever you feel doubtful about something. Lets get this puppy started.

5.) Toyota Cars. Has anyone been watching the news. Those cars are death row... on wheels. The only way you can survive in one if the brakes get sticky on you is to quickly watch the Worst Case Scenario With Bear Grylls episode where you can't use the brakes, and even that sucks. They had a recall of Toyota's but I don't know if they gave the people there money back. Knowing Toyota... well I don't want to be mean. But if any of you out there are in the market for buying a new car, I would like to encourage you NOT to go to the Toyota store. I know they have the cool mini van but you still should go and take your chances with a safer car. Perhaps Subaru or maybe an Audi or maybe a Mustang... mom.

4.) Therapy. Know I know that some of you might not agree with me, I just think it's a bad idea. This is just my opinion. I think that it is kind of stupid to pay $1000+ to go vent to somebody who is only going to write things down in his/her notebook and say "uh huh." I know it feels good to tell somebody how you really feel, but thats what mom's are for, and if the reason your in therapy is because of your mom, than go over to a friends house and tell them or tell your other relatives. I know that therapist's tell you what is going on and why, but think about it, if you dug deep inside yourself, you could find the reason to, or maybe one of you friends or relatives could. Bottom line I think that therapy is a waste of money and a bad idea. Again this is only my opinion. Feel free to disagree.

3.) The Hawaii Chair. This is an exercise machine that is supposed to... i don't even no what it's supposed to do, all the people said in the commercial was "it really works." The Hawaii Chair is a chair that goes in circles around and around will you are sitting on it. I don't know about other people but that would really suck when I was talking. "Yeah, jOOOOOOEEEEE! I will GEEEEEEEEET! those papers TOOOOO you right AWWWWAAAAYYYYYY!" LOL. All in all it really sucks so stay away from it.

2.) White Ink. As seen in my other post that i wrote a while back, my typewriter came with a set of white ink. Yes you heard me right, ink that is white. White out. How am I supposed to see that? Oh yeah I put in black pape- wait it won't fit in the typewriter, so i guess the only way that I will read it is to see if i could see the indentations on the paper. The good part is that if I make a mistake with my white ink, I can erase it with my white, white out.

1.) Canadian Bacon. Yes you heard me Canadian Bacon, or as I like to call it... ham.
Thats all it is. Its just packaged ham. If you cook it, its not bacon, its cooked ham. It just doesn't work out. So from now one, if someone you know makes a really bad rip-off, all you have to say is "you pulled a Canadian Bacon,"

Disney Channel Shows and Movies... 7/14/10

I was sitting there, on my water bed, flipping between channels to find a show that would keep me occupied until the new "Mythbusters," episode came on. I set it down, at my side, satisfied with the summer league basketball game I had found. I watched the very interesting (sarcasm) summer league game for about 20 minutes when I felt an ache in my back. I shifted positions and found myself sitting on the remote control. I sat on the recall button and the channel went immediately to a show on Disney Channel called Wizards of Waverly PLace. "Jessica!" I whispered to myself, she had been watching something on Disney, while I was playing basketball. Not cool.

I had watched this show before, way back in the day when I only watched Nickelodeon and Disney. It was on at 2 right after Hanna Montana. I have to make a confession. Back about 2 years ago, I happened across a Hanna Montana show, and I liked it i guess and I watched it and before you could say "I got the best of both worlds," I was watching it every day. Eventually, grandma caught me and she never let me forget it. When ever we passed the Hanna Montana merchandise at Fred Meyer, she would say "you wanna get some, Eli?" *Shiver Shiver.* Wow, i feel a lot better now that I have gotten that out there.

Back to the point, I watched this show for a while and I was cracking up after about 30 seconds of watching it. It was hilarious... to make fun of, and so here we get to the point of this post. I am going to lay down the rules of a Disney Channel show, and maybe even past the show, to the commercials. This post is not different from another that I wrote, Eclipse. I am going to make suggestions and lay down the rules of every Disney show. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Wizards of Waverly Place, is a show about 3 young wizards who are learning the wizard trade. Every Wednesday, they have class, getting taught by there non-wizard father. Every week they learn a spell and what they shouldn't use it for, and than the middle child, Alex, makes a mistake and almost exposes the wizarding world to the... humans. Sorry i really wanted to say muggles.

1.) There is always a clueless character in it that makes it humorous so that people not only learn a lesson from the show, so they can laugh... and learn a lesson from the show. They say really stupid things that are only funny to 3 year olds, like "I use a toothbrush to get the mustard off," or Question "So do you like Little Women?" "Well, you know I'm not that picky." Example: Max, from Wizards of Waverly Place, is the youngest of the 3 siblings and everyone thinks that he is really stupid and he is. He was the one that said the thing about the mustard. Example: Zack, from The Suit Life on Deck, is the oldest of 2 brothers and Cody, the other one is really smart but Zack is really stupid, he is always copying answers off of Cody's tests, and he is also really unsanitary, like he ate a sandwich that he found in his underwear drawer and he hides food under his fingernails so that "I can have a great snack in when i'm hungry at school."

2.) The characters need to get something new that makes the problem later in the episode. It can be an object or a person or a spell or a machine or something like that. The characters will either get jealous of each other or they might get hurt or they might hurt someone and that will eventually make them apologize and they will become best friends again, and the object or person or machine or spell will be back to normal. Example: in Wizards of Waverly place the siblings learned a spell that could duplicate them selves. Alex wants to go shopping with her friends but she has a Wizard lesson that day and her father refuses to let her go to the mall or what ever. She makes a clone of herself and puts her in position so that it looks like she is listening and than she bolts so she can get to the store on time. Meanwhile at home, her father tells her clone that she can go to the store but her clone doesn't respond, since its just a dummy. So they go to the store and Alex gets busted.

3.) There needs to be a serious part at the end where everything gets straightened out and people apologize to each other and everything is fine. Example: In Wizards of Waverly Place Alex gets grounded for sneaking out and so she goes up to her father and says that she is sorry and that it was stupid and she says sorry again and than she hugs him, and which point I am on the floor crying because its so funny.

This has been "Breaking down the show," with Eli Hacker, see you next time.

Oh "Brother,"

We= Me and my grandmother.
Do you know what that is, right above this sentence? Of course you don't otherwise you would be blogging about it too. It is a piece of crap, is what it is. It is a useless piece of plastic that draws people in a than spits them out later. This might be worthy to add to the rip off list. Heck, we would put this at number 1 on the all time rip off list. I am going to sue Office World and Brother Typewriters, for giving me a defective typewriter. You hear that, Brother, you've been warned.

Yesterday, we ordered some ribbon to put in it so we could actually see the text. We were so happy when it arived nearly 24 hours later, on the front door step of grandma's house. We danced around and sang and of course praised the lord. We. then, got it out of the box that it was being contained in and went over to the you-know-what, and tried to see if we could take the other one out. First we took the ribbon the printed white, out of it and than we tried to take the cartridge out. We popped it out only to find that it was actually part of the machine and that we were supposed to put the other ribbon on top of it, not where it was. After realizing this, we sat there, wishing we hadn't done that.

We dedicated the next 30 minutes to trying to hook the thing back on the... other thing. We tried different things, including the old push'n'pull and using a knife, a fork, a toothpick, another knife, and last another knife. No luck, until I heard a snap from the you-know-what and grandma said "I got it." There's nothing like using your hands.

I got the black ink ribbon and snapped it into place, just above the other thing that I don't know the name of. It was all in place. We had the letters the ribbon, the snapper thing that makes the letters and, most importantly, the paper. I looked at my grandmother, and she looked back at me. We shared to quick prayer and than I sat down and typed one letter. F. And than I typed another letter. U. I pressed the space bar enough times so we could see the spot on the paper where I wrote those to letters. Nothing.

At that moment I turned into a bull and started charging at that typewriter, like a red sheet, all the while swearing my ass off... in my head, but all that came out of my mouth was "gosh." I fiddled with it for about 30 more minutes, but grandma had already given up. She went into the kitchen and started to make some Peanut Butter cookies. (Do you like nuts?) After 30 minutes passed by I indignantly walked into my room, sat on my sore ass and tuned the tv to channel 402 to watch some NBATV.

The Reunion (First attempted to be written by typewriter.)

Yes, at first I wanted to type this on my new typewriter, but than I came across the fact that it was just a piece of shit and would not cooperate with me if I bribed it. Yes, I got a new typewriter, not that I ever had one. Grandma got it for me a couple weeks ago and apparently "forgot," to tell me about it, because I seemed just "fine," with typing on the computer. Well, I have news for you, sister, I want to type on a typewriter. Typewriter; the longest word you can type on the very first row of your keyboard. It was a typewriter that was supposed to be able to erase your mistakes, but than I found out that instead of ink, there was whiteout. It almost inspired me to see if I could make a better rip off, though that is highly unlikely. So we went online and ordered some ink, to put in it so I can see what i am typing. I will start to write blogs on it, and maybe even some stories that you won't be able to read. Maybe me and my father could do a father, son novelist think like Anne and Christopher Rice. SPINE SHIVERING! SPINE SHIVERING!

Anyway, to the point, this last weekend was the family reunion for 3 different families in one back-yard. Yes you heard me right, they were going to merge 3 completely different family reunions. It's like a... 3 for 1 deal. Anyway, so we were there with 2 other family's that we didn't know. But the food made up for it. When I went to get food I saw some stuffing on the table, I got some and realized something horrible, under the stuffing there was a huge layer of crappy mashed potato's. Another rip off. But other than that, and the 8 salads on the table (Record: 9 at a wedding at the G-dale church) the food was wonderful. I ate my worries away. One of those worries was if I would ever recover from all the food i was eating. it all goes straight to my thighs. When I wake up tomorrow I am going to find camera's from "the biggest loser," surrounding my bed.

This weekend also made me feel like such a city boy. I found out that my grandpa grew up the Eddyville area. And all the tree's and stuff. All the people talking about how much they loathe Portland. There probably mixing us up with Cleveland.

The weird thing about the Reunion was that there was a history of it. it was always on the 2nd Sunday of each july and there was a treasury. Yep, thats right. There was a treasury... for a family reunion. That brought giggles to my face. Tee-hee.

Another funny thing is that when I went to sleep on Saturday night, at GG and Gramps' house, the bed was lined with plastic. okay sure I used to have a bed-wetting problem, but those days are behind me, and you don't need to make me feel bad. Gosh. Kidding I am kidding please don't take that seriously. All in all it was a big LOL. Oh my God, best rhyme ever.

Dear Dan Gilbert,

Many of you have probably heard about LeBron James decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers to go play in Miami with the Heat franchise. Well of course you've heard about it, they're practically putting it on cereal boxes. What you haven't heard is what Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert had to say about LeBron after he left. Please listen.

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

I hope that you are laughing right now, because if you aren't there is something wrong with you. I have decided to do right and to reply to this really bad letter here is what i will say.

Dear Dan Gilbert,

First off I want to give you a well deserved thank you for making it fun to watch Sportscenter for that last few days. I love it when the people read your letter and than make fun of you and than ask you if you are a big voodoo guy. LOL. But really I think that this is hilarious. Did you know that the Sportscenter people thought that someone hacked into your computer and wrote this to Cleveland. That means you've gone to far. If it was my choice, I would fire you and promote Usher to majority owner. At least his face isn't in the news 24/7.

Next I want to talk about how you said that LeBron had a "curse." Well you seem to know a lot about voodoo, if you knew he had a curse, why were you putting $25mil on the table to get him back. Come on, Dan. Now did you know that the NBA isn't very happy with this letter. They might fire you, or worse, maybe they will make you Majority owner of the Miami Heat. Let me tell you that would be funny. As my mother would say... LOL!

And if you think that your city is free of a curse you are wrong. *I CAN PERSONALLY GUARANTEE YOU THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL BE 15TH PLACE IN THE EAST AND WILL NEVER EVER SNIFF THE SWEET AROMA OF THE PLAYOFFS EVER AGAIN.* You can take that to the other bank. This is just a little piece of the curse over your really bad city. (Sorry I'm all out of insults.) Your team hasn't won a championship in any sport, in 42 years and your city has 4 professional teams. It's not LeBron that cursed your city, its just the way that God wanted it to be. Obviously God hates Cleveland and I can't blame him. Cleveland sucks.

My last order of business is that you can't blame LeBron, he left your city because he felt that he couldn't win a championship there. Not because he thought that it would be fun to break a few million peoples hearts. But I also have to blame LeBron, its just cruel to schedule a 1 hour special to tell your followers in Cleveland that you are leaving to go to Miami. And if you think he left because of the money, than you are stupid. He went to a team with practicly no cap space and is only going to get paid around 15mil. He didn't go to the Heat because he liked the city, he went there because he hated your city and becasue he has the best chance of winning there.

You have to give credit to the Heat, resigning D wade signing Chris Bosh and of course signing LeBron all on one team. The only downside is that they only have 4 guys on there roster, so if they can pull all this off, you are going to look like a big fool.

Eli Hacker
LeBron lover
Gilbert Hater

P.s... GO HEAT!

A History of Goldendale,

Ladies and gentlemen, you always hear me ripping on how crappy Goldendale is and how small it is, but that is just because it is really fun to make fun of, but, I don't think that it would be, even a little bit fair, if I made fun of this small town without knowing any history about it. Today, when i woke up I had to goals in my head for what i wanted to to today. 1.) Watch where leBron decided to go (Miami Heat) and 2.) study up on the rotten, small, awesome town that I have called my home for the last 3 days. Well bucckle your seat belts and hold on to your Miami Heat caps, were going back to school.

[History teacher, Professor Hacker, stands in front of the bored classroom, and gets ready to lecture about his grandparents home town, Goldendale.] "I stand before you today, to give you knowledge of the outside world, and educate you, so you can look smart, in front of your grandparents at your family reunion. Lets get started.

In 1872 the town, of course we are talking about Goldendale, was given its name by the early homesteader John Golden. The Golden House is still viewable at Columbus and Collins St. in downtown Goldendale. In 1878 Goldendale became the county seat. Other early towns in the county were White Salmon, Lyle, Bingen, Glenwood, Dallesport and Bickleton, all still in existence, and all still have kept there really shitty names. Goldendale was officially incorporated on November 14, 1879.

Goldendale has remained the employment, business, commercial and banking center for the valley and, as the county seat, is the location for Klickitat County's courts and government offices. In recent years this small community has suffered from severe economic decline. After a local aluminum plant that once employed many residents closed, the small community struggled economically. The loss of tax base has taken its toll on the funds available for maintaining the city's infrastructure. In recent years there has been an interest in installing wind turbines that would generate power. While it has provided some jobs, this industry has not been the economic solution for which many residents hoped, and it is true that all 8 people that preside in this town all work there

In 2009, Goldendale was the site of the capture of an escaped insane killer, Philip Paul. That was the most exciting thing that happened there since the funeral where all the crazy people from Tennessee came and protested.

As of the census of 2000, there were 3,760 people, in the town, 1,515 households, and 963 families residing in the city. The population density was 1,592.6 people per square mile (615.1/km²). There were 1,690 housing units at an average density of 715.8/sq mi (276.5/km²). This next stat is really funny and it also shows you how much Goldendale hates black people. opp's was that my outside voice. The racial makeup of the city was 87.42% White, 0.21% African American, 4.63% Native American, 0.72% Asian, 0.27% Pacific Islander, 4.07% from other races, and 2.69% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 5.85% of the population.

There were 1,515 households out of which 34.4% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 46.4% were married couples living together, 12.7% had a female householder with no husband present, and 36.4% were non-families. 31.3% of all households were made up of individuals and 14.1% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.41 and the average family size was 3.02.

This next stat shows you how old this town is. I bet you all of the 65+ people go to Community Grace Brethren Church. In the city the population was spread out with 28.4% under the age of 18, 7.7% from 18 to 24, 26.1% from 25 to 44, 22.6% from 45 to 64, and 15.2% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 36 years. For every 100 females there were 90.6 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 89.4 males.

The median income for a household in the city was $26,030, and the median income for a family was $33,866. Males had a median income of $36,977 versus $22,289 for females. The per capita income for the city was $13,111. About 21.9% of families and 25.4% of the population were below the poverty line, including 30.5% of those under age 18 and 26.3% of those age 65 or over.

Goldendale is located within the arid area in eastern Washington known as a rain shadow, caused by the Cascade Mountains 40 miles to the west. Yearly rainfall averages 8 to 12 inches. This produces a landscape of open bunch-grass prairies dotted with sagebrush and rabbit brush containing the occasional juniper tree, while the more sheltered areas consist of ponderosa pine and oak savannahs. Overcast days are rare, occurring mostly in late fall and throughout winter. Summer temperatures can range well over 100 degrees, while winter, when most of the precipitation occurs, can see temperatures below zero, particularly in January. Summer thunderstorms occur intermittently, particularly in July and August, but due to high cloud bases, rain seldom reaches the ground in any appreciable amount. Lightning-caused range and forest fires are a common occurrence during this time of year, however. Spring flowers and green meadows and prairies make Goldendale a particularly beautiful site. Spring and summer can be very blustery since the Chinook winds off the Pacific Ocean are funneled through the Columbia Gorge. Fall tends to be almost windless, and the autuminal oak leaves add a lovely touch of golden rust red to Observatory Hill on the north side of town.

[Professor Hacker looks around the room, as if to look into the students minds, and than slowly walks off the stage.] This would be an appropriate time to clap. Don't worry, your roomate won't think your crazy for all that long, maybe for the rest of the day at most.

The Turkeyradio Times: July 6th 2010: "Local adolescent drives to grandma's house in far away 'christian' town,"

Column 1: Boy drives to town populated by christians.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable happened. A boy, age 12, left his home in Portland to go all the way up to Goldendale. The boy was not kidnapped or raiped, he just left Portland. Good thing "Turkeyradio Times," is here to bring it to you first.

Thanks, Mark. It all happened, about 3 weeks ago, when this young boy's mom decided to send him to his grandma's house for 2 week's before, returning to home and going to his Larry Steele basketball camp. Eli, the 12 year old boy, made lot's of sarcastic remarks about his grandma's house between then, and now, but inside he really felt like he wanted to go to his grandma's house. Sources indicate, that he was happy when he got there, so happy, in fact that he started to dance around his room, nerf basketball in hand.

Before he left to go to Goldendale, he and his mother and grandmother, stopped by the local plant shop to get some plants for there garden's. Eli, as you can imagine was not thrilled about it, but he stuck along for the ride, knowing that there was a "Whopper," in it for him afterwards. Sources indicate that, not only did he eat a Whopper, but he also ate a side of fries and start chicken nuggets that are supposed to look like crowns and some sprite. Mark?

Well, Staci, this boy must have been hungry because that's a lot of food for a 12 year old to consume at one time, not that I blame him. All that he had had that day was hashbrowns and egg's 3 hours earlier. The poor kid must have been starving. Back to you, Staci.

Thank you, mark. I am being told that on the way down to Goldendale, Eli and his grandmother listened to a cheesy Mary Higgins Clark audiobook. Well, thats all we have for now. See you next time on The Turkeyradio Times.

Column 2: Advice column.
Today's word of advice is this. Being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it.

Thank you,

Ho' Depot's and Adison Rose,

Last night was epic. Not a good kind of epic, just epic. First off, there was a big giant "BOOM," every 2 seconds and sometime the boom even shook the house. Second, I left my shades up so that I would be able to see the fireworks as I drifted off to sleep (with the faint vibration of the house every 4 seconds) but that didn't work out either, because when I closed my eyes I would hear fireworks and i would open them immediately and they would stop. At about 11:30 it really started to piss me off, so i decided to just start going to sleep. Let me tell you, people, I slept because when I woke up, it was 10 and Thomas was telling me he was going to work and my mom was going to visit the new might-be nanny.

I thought it would be smart to seize the opportunity and so I did. I stumbled out of bed and started to play my PS3 video game, 2K10. I started a new Myplayer (you make your own character and try to get him to the NBA) and I swore that this one was going to make it to the NBA and not get sent to the D-league (trash can or reject can.) I named him the stupidest name in the world. I named him Adison Rose. Yeah, that's right Adison Rose. I later found out that, that name was totally a girl name so I went to settings and changed his sexuality to homosexual. It worked better from there because if he ever got a go ahead bucket he would strut up the court slowly and file his nails, all the while flipping his hair.

This one really was different, because he was kicking ass from the moment he stepped on the court. I thought i was going to lead him all the way to the NBA and I am so close. He got invited to the Miami Heat's training camp (he was thrilled about that, they got sexy male models) but the first 2 games he played, he sucked Mario Chamers' balls. I think in the 2nd game he got like 9 assists 17 rebounds and 2 points that came from the free throw line.

When he got invited to the training camp, I made him get a bunch of tattoo's everywhere, and I added a really cool beard. Wish me luck, I really think I need it (lets review, trying to lead a homosexual player with really bad shooting and a bad uniform pattern to the NBA) stop it! (No you stop it!) Don't listen to him he- (No, he's crazy.) *Stop it, both of you!*

PART 2,

Mom decided that she wanted to get ready for our garden by making a trip to the home depot. I thought it would be really fun, what with all the lawn mowers and chain-saw's that don't work. Mmmmm toasty. I also wanted to go there to get some onion's because I really want to plant some for the garden. But my mom didn't want to get plants, she just wanted to get shovels and other crap like that. At one point I was on the ground yelling "Onion's, mom, I want the damn onion's!"

But I have to admit, it was fun to sit on the lawn mowers and pretend like I was driving. I would pretend drive like Ron, with one hand on the bottom of the steering wheel.

We also got some wood lining because she wants to make the path to our back yard full of bark dust and lined with those. I think that it will never get done but if it does it is going to be freakin' awesome.

Attention/caution: This post is a lot funner to read if you read it and listen to Goldfrapp's "dreaming," at the same time. Also this blog contains so much sarcasm, that the author can't be sarcastic for a few more weeks so don't believe everything you read. Again, good life lesson.

Eclipse,

It sucked! It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life, no joke. But, I have, even though it really sucked, it sucked in a good way that made it not suck. That means it was really fun to make fun of, afterwards. It was also fun to make fun of it during. Lady's and gentleman, this is Eclipse.

It started out with this guy, standing in the rain, walking home, and he gets bitten by a vampire. He turns into a vampire and than it fast-forwards 1 year. In the first movie, it was Bella who was desperate, she was the one who wanted to have sex with Edward, but now it has changed and Edward is the one who is desperate. The positions have changed. Here is a breakdown of all the characters.

BELLA: Is the most annoying, in my opinion, because if you were having a conversation with her she would never look you in the eye, she looks at your chest.. If she was a guy she would have red mark on her face from all the girls slapping her. LOL LOL. Also when she is talking, she stutters a lot, and when ever she stutters she licks her lips, shakes her head, and blinks a whole lot. She also swallows a lot. The only time in the movie when she didn't stutter in a sentence, was at the end, when she was telling Edward that he wasn't the only reason she wanted to be a vampire. She is also cares a lot about what other people think about her. She didn't want to marry Edward because she was scared she would be another one of those crazy people who got married right out of high school. Look, Bella, if your listening, just marry him, you love him and you are going to be with him for the rest of your life.. Okay? Good. Bella, also you need to take a trip to American Apparel, to get yourself some skinny jeans. You can't be 18 and walk around wearing straights. You also need to learn how put ketchup on hash-browns. You don't shake it and squeeze it at the same time. CHOOSE ONE!

EDWARD: There is not much you need to fix, but for you I would wan to ask if you own any shaving cream? If you do you might want to put the whole thing on your chest because every time you wear a v-neck, your hair is poking out of it like its drowning in your shirt. Okay and you need to fire your make-up artist because they are screwing up on your whole vampire look. You look like your being painted white with Beir paint and primer, but they put 1 layer in a few spots and 2 in the others. There are little cracks in your "make-up," on your hands. Just pass that on. It might be because the make-up artist hates you because all the other vamp's look fine. I don't blame her. You suck. In the books it says that vampires can lie so good, but I will refer you back to the first movie. Bella: "Where have you been for the last to weeks?" Edward: I was uh... *cough cough* stutter stutter um... camping." Come on that doesn't sound real. Why were you the only Cullen who went camping. Try this. Bella "Where have you been for the last to weeks?" Edward: Oh my mom broke her hand when she was dune skating in florida, and so I had to fly all the way over there to make sure that she was all right. You see me and my mother have a connections that my siblings don't have with her. I feel like me and her can almost read each others minds." Or "I'm a member of the Jr. Marines and we got called, out of the blue, to Idaho for to weeks. There was an opening in the gun range there and so we got to go there early. We also got it for cheaper because there was a discount 2 weeks ago." It's better if you tell details, because than it makes your story more believable.

JACOB: I want to ask him if he owns a shirt, because i never once in that movie, didn't see his 13 and a half pack. Thats all I have to say about you, dude.

I was telling all these things to amy and tony on the way out and this guy totally agreed with me. He said he was listening to our conversation and that I was totally right. One thing I want to say is that I think this is actually supposed to be a gay movie, a movie about Edward and Jacob's relationship. She hid it with girl/guy romance so that her fellow Mormon's wouldn't get pissed at her and shun her. I just want to put it out there. The next big thing on the cover of people magazine. "Stephanie Meyer gets shot by a fellow mormon, while worshiping Jesus at LDS." Just you watch.

Writing in the library,

Today my father came over, as he usually does on saturdays. It started out with us just doing our usual things, arguing over who's phone is better, telling each other how mean we are, and hugging each other repeatedly. When I was playing video games, around 3, he said he was going to go. I said "NOOO!" And asked him where he was going. He told me he was going to go over to library and do some writing. I looked at Thomas and asked him when Tony was going to be over.

"6:00," he told me and than said as long as I was back by than, it would be okay to go to the library. I got some bus fare out of my quarter collection, and me and my dad left the house.

Not 2 mminutes into the walk we were already arguing about where the nearest library was. We both agreed that it was on Woodstalk, but he thought that Woodstalk was back in the Mt. Scott direction. I corrected him, and said that it was actually down on 82nd. He looked at me for a second and than said "your probably right," and we started walking.

It almost felt like driving with my mom or Thomas, because he was on his phone almost 50% of the time we were walking, and the other 50% he was telling me about how i didn't know how happy he was to have a phone. Every time he said that I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, followed by him calling me mean.

I am not mean. Well maybe sometimes I can be a little discouraging, but I wouldn't call it mean. I can understand why I would be mean to him though, because I had just spent the last 5 days with a bunch of dumbnuts that thought cake was made entirely out of frosting. Obviosly he has never had cake before.

When we got to 82nd we didn't know wether to go right or left, so we went into a plaid pantry and asked. I thought that we had to go right and the cashier confirmed that. Thats when I started yelling "WHAT NOW!" And "IN YOUR FACE!" To him.

Every single time we turned the corner i said that it was only going to be a few more blocks and in 3 blocks I would say that I was sure it was going to be after this building, and so on and so forth.

Eventually we got to the library, and we signed up for computers and waited, all that jazz. I think it is really fun to write someplace other than my house or grandma's. It is a change in apnosphere, and it kind of inspires me to write.

Note: The reason Tony is coming to pick me up is that me and him and Amy are going to go see the new Twilight movie, Eclipse, tonight and I am really excited. I will have a full breakdown of it either tomorrow or the next day. Sigh... i love writing in the library.

Wet-Ball!

Hello, reader's, I am finally back from my aweso- my basketball camp at George Fox university. I never thought I would say I was tired of basketball, but after that I might not touch one until my next basketball camp. Don't freak out, but I think, right now, I am leaning towards not liking basketball. I know! Here is my story.

Well there I was sitting on my couch bed, in my really small dorm. I looked around the room and took it all in. It was the first time I had really been alone all day, but it was worth it. My roomate was in the bathroom, taking a shower and all the other kids had finally stopped dribbling there f***ing ball down the hallway's. Before, I was laying down, trying to relax, but I couldn't, due to the bouncing of the balls.

My roomate came into the room and almost immediately turned off the light and got in his purple sleeping bag. I decided that I liked him. All the other people that I have stayed with at a camp have been the kind of kids who wake up at 7 without an alarm, and decide that they are bored, so they wake you up. I hate those people.

I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't at all. I couldn't go to sleep, so I thought about my day. We left at 12:30 and when we were on the road we listened to mom and Thomas' valentines cd. It was beyond sappy. We got to the main building at about 1:30 and we got into a long line, to sign me up, or rather to check me in. We went to find my dorm, and than found out that we had to drive to the high school because there was a bell choir staying in there. We dropped my stuff off at the dorm and drove to a gym that was at a different high school.

Once we got there we quickly found out that we needed to have my ball, even though the list said that we didn't. (flip off, flip off.) We than, drove back to the dorm and got my ball.

We were all separated into groups and I was in the 3rd one. Our group went to a big gym, right across from the one that we were in. I took a moment to look at all the coaches and coaching staff. For privacy purposes I will not use there real names. There was a really, really white one named marion berry. Now, when I say white, I mean, white. He was wearing his socks really high and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and his shorts were pulled up to his belly button.

There was a really fit one who seemed to be pretty good, a short one, and another short one, who was the one yelling at us at that moment.

I am not going to tell you everything about camp, just the general stuff and the highlights. The cafeteria was in the back of the main building and it was a really big room. We would get in a line and get a trey and some silverware. We got to get our own drink and everything, it was like a buffet. I thought that the food was going to be good, boy was I wrong. The food was basically freeze dryed grease. It sucked balls.

When we were in the gym, when ever someone would make a 3 someone would always yell out wet-ball. It got really annoying after a while. Every 2 seconds you would hear someone yell, WET-BALL!

That is why I named this blog after it, because it was the word that I heard the most.

The next cool thing that I did was on Tuesday night, we did this thing called intensity night. It is where we do all this work out stuff like push ups, mushroom hops, super-man's, mini holes, what have you. I got the best work out that I think I have ever had... ever! It was so intense. I sweat through my entire under shirt and I was so tired that after a while it was a rest to do push-ups.

The next thing I want to say is that I learned a lot at this camp, but I didn't really like it that much.

The last thing I want to say before this is over is that I thought it was only going to be a little catholic. Wooi mama. I was wrong. there are bible quotation's everywhere you looked and on the last night a speaker came and he made us ask god to save our mortal soul. Yes, we were forced to pray.

In discussion groups we were asked to say how god has effected our life and I said that i didn't have a story and I wasn't really religious, and the coach said that if I wanted to live my life like that, "so be it." I feel so bad!

Wet-ball!

Me and My Daddy,

I just want to start by saying that I will not be blogging until Thursday, when I arrive back from my, supposed to be awesome, basketball camp. I will share my journals and the feeling of having a real shower after 5 days of sweating. Do they have showers at colleges? I hope so because I can barely stand myself after 1 game of basketball. In the words of grandma, "Sssss!"

Today was the day where my daddy was supposed to come over, and he did and it was awesome. He got to our front door at about 10 and that surprised me because, on days that he hasn't partied, he usually gets up at around 1. He told me that his bag had gotten stolen, and that made me mad because he was writing a story that I wanted to read.

We were going to watch the world cup game, but I decided that I wanted to go play basketball, and my father followed suit. I taught him some of the basics, of how to hold the balls and how to dribble them and how to hold them, while your dribbling them. I have to say that he got pretty good, at least the way he shot got better. He looked like some people that i know who are pretty good.

When we came back in, the world cup game was on and so we watched that for a while. My dad fell asleep, and eventually got to taking a nap. He was asleep for such a long time, that I went out to play and than came in, watched television, and after that he was still sleeping.

Once he woke up, me and my father went out and started to haul dirt and we realized one huge problem, we had to much dirt, and when I say to much dirt I mean that we are going to have 2 cubic feet of dirt in our driveway for the rest of our lives. We did so good, we filled in the bed and now we are okay to plant onions. Yeah!

After that we started to wash Thomas' car, because my dad needed some money. It was so fun to spray that nice blue car with water. So cool.

After that we went down to plaid pantry and me and my father had a really nice chat. All in all it was a nice, last day before basketball camp.

Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House,

This is going to be a comparison of houses, a break down of the overall coolness of each house, a contrast of the 2 different houses. This is... Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House.

1.) At grandma's house I feel more disconnected from people, but more connected with the television. At my mom's house i feel like I am in tune with my inner basketball player and socializer, but not my inner television watcher, I feel like i am more connected with people, at my mama's house.

2.) At grandma's house, when we are watching television on the couch and all of a sudden a Yaz commercial comes on, she will change the channel and make a "Ssss," sound with her lips, the same sound she makes when she sees me playing Nerf basketball. At my mama's house, if a Yaz commercial comes on, than we will talk about how, if she was grandma, she would change the channel.

3.) At my mom's house I feel more free to express my inner diva and also my inner gay person (i am not gay, but everyone has an inner gay person,) i also can say "god!" Without getting the whole "lords name in vain," speech.

4.) At grandma's house I feel like my jokes are more of the simple ones that I told in 1st grade, but at Mama's house my jokes are ones that resemble Stephen Colbert. But not really because no one can be as funny as him. Just ask Thomas. Actually I think Thomas prefers Jon Stewart. Anyway, here is an example of me and Grandma's house: I could play nerf basketball all night and than, fall asleep in a little corner in the hallway. Mama's house: Telling my mom that my friend Robert thought that Tom Petty was in The Beatles. Now this joke wouldn't work with grandma because she doesn't know who Tom Petty is. She thought Neil Young was a basketball player when I told her about my expert project.

5.) Basketball; at my mama's house I can go over to the park, and play basketball whenever I please. But at grandma's house we have to drive all the way into town and play there, and I can only go once a day.

Day #3,

Today pretty much turned out just as I had planned at the beginning of the day. The only thing that really sucked was the draft. It was a whole lot more boring than I had planned. I thought that there was going to be this big draft conspiracy where the number one team traded there picked for the number 2 pick and everyone goes crazy. Turns out not, just an old guy standing there, behind a podium, with the back ground noise of vuvuzela's. And for all of those who don't watch World Cup Soccer (Fifa is a bitch) a vuvuzela is an African noise maker that makes the most annoying sound you will ever hear. It makes you double take whn you turn on a baseball game and hear a vuvuzela. You think "I thought it was the world cup, not the world series." Hahaha thats a knee slapper and bu-dum-sh.

The day started the usual way, I got woken up by the tele-marketers and helped myself to a nice bowl of Apple-Jacks. I deserve to eat food like that after living with my mom for 12 years. Though the other day we did go to KFC and thomas bought me a KFC double down chicken sandwich, but that was ruined when he told me that they grossed HIM out! That totaly sucked, because if a food grosses thomas out you know that it must be made of mustard. Eww.

Anyway, after that I sat on my brown swivel chair and watched countless NBA draft preview shows on countless different channels. I hated listening to the same thing over and over and over again so I tuned it off and played Nerf ball with my new red and purple ball that will probably be lost once i take it to my house. I did this for a few hours until I had a nice lunch of Hebrew national Hot-dogs. they get better every time I eat them. it almost makes me want to make a commercial out of it.

"When I say Hebrew you say National, Hebrew National go blend of meats, usually chicken, beef, pork, or turkey and then meat fat, oatmeal, bread crumbs, various seasonings, and other ingredients. They are then mushed together and put into hot dog molds. Store bought hot dogs are put into cellulose casings, but homemade are usually made of intestines that people try to caaal meat! That might not make sense.

After that encounter I went to the basketball court again to make my self esteem drop again because of the shitty rim that they put there. Grandma made me bring a water bottle this time so instead of drinking out of it i poured it on my head every few minutes to keep cool. No one was there gain today. i thought that they must have been at the pool, but when I checked with grandma I found out that the only pool in Goldendale in history was the one in our back yard. On the way home, while listening to our audiobook I saw the guy who I played basketball with yesterday. He gave me the head nod and me, trying to be as black as my white skin would allow, nodded back.

When we got home I laid on the bed, watching several draft preview shows. it really sucked, even up until the draft too. The draft was so boring in fact, it might still be going on. Oh yeah its still going on and it started at 4:30! Portland got this guy called Elliot Williams. That totally sucked.

just another old day in Goldedale...

*Caution* this post contains lots and lots of sarcasm so don't believe everything you read... good life lesson.

Looking forward to the day ahead of me...

First off I want to start by apologizing about that video on my last blog, I had no idea that Fifa was such a bitch. Listen Fifs, if it's okay to play that video on Youtube it should be more than f***ing okay to play it on my blog! From this moment forward I am boycotting Fifa. Yeah thats right, Fifa you heard me, now NBATV is my new best friend... ha!

Anyway, before all that I wanted to talk about today. Today is the day of the 59th NBA draft and I am so excited. Portland has the 22nd pick 9not good at all) and I am hoping that they get that 6'11 Whiteside guy. I checked last night and it turns out that he is the 22nd most talented player in the draft, today. But we will see.

Also today i want to work on the story I am writing about a boy (based on me) who wants to run away. But don't worry I don't want to run away. Here is a sample.

It seemed highly improbable that a kid like me would ever come across the thought of running away, especially when his life was doing better. Maybe it was the sense of impending doom, in that my report card would be arriving in my Portland home soon. Maybe it was the sense that my life had struck the point where it was routine.

You hear some adults talking about how much they would give to have a routine life. My father, for example, he just got back from a business trip and envied me because I had a solid routine in my life. Frankly I think this is stupid. Why would someone want to do the same thing at the same time every day?

What I have learned in my life after all this was that it wasn’t really about what you do, it’s about what you don’t do or what doesn’t happen to you or something like that. As a kid I couldn’t quit grasp the thought of something happening because I didn’t do something. I seemed to think it all happened because of what did happen. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

I grew up in Portland Oregon and I lived there for most of the time. Every other weekend I would go up to my grandma’s house in a small lonely town called Goldendale. When I went up to her house it was very different from being at my mother’s house down in Portland. I got to do whatever I want whenever I please and, most importantly I had free 24-hour access to the fridge.

At that time I was up there for 4 days to visit before I went away to a Basketball camp at the very Catholic, George Fox University. The only thing going on in my life, that wasn’t pleasant, was that I was expecting a final report card before summer and I did not know the contents of it and in gave me an unsettling feeling at night.

I would lay in my bed thinking “it could have come today,’ and I mixed thoughts about that.
For one thing it could come and be horrible and my mother could hate me for the entire summer. On the other hand it could come and I could be welcomed back to Portland by happy parents and signs that said, “You are smart.”

It all hit me at about 9:00 when grandma and me were sitting on the couch, watching television. We were watching a really sketchy show about a girl who can see ghosts. I don’t know where it came from but I got the sudden urge to be free and to get away from my life. Again, it was probably the sense of doom that my report card might have just arrived at my house. Maybe not. Either way I was all of a sudden determined to get out of this house, to get out of all houses, to get out of the city or town, to get away from my life.

When the idea hit me I startled back for a minute and asked grandma if she would excuse me. Kind of sudden, I know but I felt like I had been thinking about it for years and I had just realized the missing piece to it. I did the rational thing and tried to calm myself down by watching some of the basketball game that was on.

My conscience knew it was a really stupid Idea but my smarter sub-conscience told my conscience that it was a good idea. I pondered why I would be having these thoughts. I knew how it would all pan out. I would devastate my entire family and one of them might commit suicide.

Yet, I still couldn’t get myself to think it wasn’t a good idea. Instantly in my mind came a picture I saw in a magazine of a boy who had committed numerous crimes, yet he hadn’t even reached the age of 15. Was I him? Could I be the next… him? No absolutely not. I was loyal to my family. If one of them asked me to jump off a bridge I might do it. (Depending on the height of the bridge and the temperature of the murky waters below.)

I would not do this. I would not kill the rest of my family’s lives just because I felt the urge to be alone, or free. I am but 1 star in the company of Heaven.

Some of you are reading this and thinking, “what a crazy guy, this can’t happen so fast,” but you are wrong. Let me demonstrate. If you are sitting on a park bench in the middle of the day, eating a sandwich and you happen to see the most beautiful girl you have ever seen and she sees you, it is love at first sight. This is not uncommon from what I experienced just 30 minutes ago. It was love at first sight for me, and that horrible idea. But it is forbidden love. I cannot love an idea like that if it hurts my family and people that I care about. Forbidden love, forbidden love.

I lay there on my bed looking down on the newly washed green sheets that my grandma just placed there. My mind came down to one question. Should I go through with it?

My mind came up with a decision that totally surprised me. I told myself that I would sleep on it and what ever I felt like I wanted to do in the morning was my future.

After taking a cold shower I tucked myself into bed and turned off the lamp. I was so surprised at how fast I fell asleep. I fell asleep at my normal rate, which is not normal when I have something on my mind. I am the kind of person who has to think about what just happened, the kind of person who has to analyze every detail of it, but I don’t talk about it because I have learned that people find it annoying.

That is just a bit of it. i will post the whole thing on here when I am done and again don't worry I don't want to run away, I was just running out of topics and this is a pretty interesting one. Okay?

After that I am going to have a nice lunch of Hebrew National Hot-dogs followed by a nice basketball playing at the park. Hopefully they tore out the old rims and put in new ones. Maybe that guy will be there again, today/ Who knows.

After that i plan to sit on my ass for 4 hours and watch the 59th NBA draft, and eat cake... yum.

Day #2,

Before I start off about grandma's house i just want to show you this.

Isn't that just amazing. That guy is a soccer god! I was actually watching that in person and I hurt my neck, jumping up and down, when he made that goal. Now I will never forget what Landon Donovan did, to my neck.

Anyway, after all that me and grandma drove up to the Dalles, and all the while we were listening to our Mary Higgins clark audiobook. It's the first unabridged one we ever listened to and let me tell you, I can barely keep up with what is happening. I prefer the abridged ones, personally.

When we got to the Dalles we went to home depot to get some mulch for grandma's garden. It was ok but she made me cart the cart around and let me tell you it is not easy to cart a cart around with 60 pounds of mulch in there. Advice: if there are any 12 year old boys reading, when you go to home depot, make your parent drive the cart. Its much easier.

After that we went to Bi-mart and got some hangers to hold all those Victorian clothes and i lost grandma, while I was looking at camera's, but she found me eventually. I also went looking for office supply's because I have a thing for going into the office supply hal and just looking at the pencil's and binders... oh!

After that we went to Freddy's and that sucked. The other day at home my mom lost my ball and so I had to get a new one to play nerf basketball with. Thanks mom! Once that was over we went home and I went to the basketball court to play. When i got there I played with this guy who really sucked. To put that in perspective he shot with one hand and missed lay ups. Not that I can blame him, the rim's at that park are so sharp that some times the ball just bounces right off of it. it is so annoying. I told him that people at school call me the white mamba (Kobe bryant nickname: the black mamba,) and the white Rondo (rondo one of my favorite players is also black.) He totally believed me too.

The rest of my day was normal, watched television and wrote. Oh and grandma's making a cake... yum.

A 3 Hour Synopsis of Driving to Grandma's House,

Me and grandma left the house briefly after my brother's babysitter, Robin got there. We exited through the front door and almost immediately ran into Doom-dirt. In it we found a pair of radishes which made me lol until the point where I crapped my pants. Grandma asked if we put the radishes in there and I answered back saying that we would have to be crazy to put plants into dirt that, at some point, would turn into a garden. You don't put plants in dirt when the dirt isn't in a garden yet. Duuh!

She told me that we had to drive up to Oregon City to get some Victorian clothes that her friend was going to give to her. I sat there in the passenger seat reading and repeating directions until I almost memorized how to get there. I also renewed my hate of mapquest. They say that to get from 10th street to Jackson is 0.1 miles but guess what? it was more like 1 mile and just go to the website and try to get from Portland to Paris. See what I'm getting at.

After the horrible attempt to understand Mapquest we arrived at a yellow, cozy home that looked like an old English home that was built in the 20's. I was half right it was made it the 20's but it was supposed to look Victorian. Same thing! When we got inside it felt like we were in the lobby of a hotel, except considerably darker and smaller. In it there was a woman who seemed to be in her mid to late 50's and a closet full of Victorian clothing. When i say this lady had a lot of Victorian clothes it was an understatement.

Like grandma, it seemed, she was an antique collector. In the lobby of her house was an old antique cabinet. In it was a whole lot of books that were the same size color and length. I thought this lady would be crazy to keep the same book but when I took a closer look I saw that they were all readers digest. I had to stop myself from laughing. After that she went into her Victorian closet for I while and I stole an Altoid from an Altoid box on an antique table, no surprise.

When she arrived back from the journey that she had in her closet i noticed that she was wearing Sketcher's Shapeups! I had to keep myself from laughing again. Before we went she insisted that we went on a tour of her house. It looked like a Victorian Castle. oh my God. This woman didn't even have any clothes aside from her collection of Victorian clothes. Her house is Victorian. You know she seems like the kind of woman who would paint wallpaper oh wait she did that too she painted wallpaper gold and the wallpaper was on her ceiling! WALLpaper, people not ceiling paper!

Victorian wasn't the only theme in her house. I noticed that the toilet and the sinks were separated so that means she must have a New Zealand background as well. She even told us towards the end the the tour that her husband was born in New Zealand.

After we were done touring the interior of the house we went outside to the exterior and let me tell you it had Victorian written all over it. There were plants all over it and there were stone steps and everything. Now I know what a Victorian castle looks like. After a while we went back inside to pack up all the clothes. During that time we got to talking about how good god is. She told us that she went through some kind of illness and she kept saying that God saved her. That is plausible but maybe just maybe, i'm just saying, the doctor saved her.

I was so relieved when we finally left her house but right when we got in the car grandma whipped out the Mary Higgins Clark book and this time it was un-abridged. During the drive we stopped by Burgerking to get something and I was still hungry so while we were in the Dalles we did it again. They were doing this Eclipse contest, but I didn't win tickets to the movie for opening night. Sigh. The drive back was 3 hours.

Doom-dirt!

His name: Doom-dirt. His mission: killing little 12 year olds fun and hurting little 12 year olds fingers and blocking little 12 year olds moms from fully parking in the driveway. Here is the story of Doom-dirt.

He came when Eli and his mother were away getting hair products for Eli's mother's clients. He was driven there from just up the street at Mt. Scott Fuel Co. and when he was sitting there in there driveway sitting for Eli and his mother, he came across the thought "while i am here why don't I have some fun with Eli... ha ha ha!" And he kept his promise.

once Eli arrived at his house Doom-dirt's plan was in action. Eli's mother set down Jasper to bed and than went out and started to tell Eli to scoop the dirt and put it in the raised bed. Eli started to work and the first thing he noticed was that his fingers were getting stiff very fast. It was going to be a long day Eli thought.

They started in the back and that was really stupid because if they started in the front, than by the end they would have had room to park Eli's mom's car on the driveway. It was so stupid. He did this a lot. At the very end before they left to go to j's doctor's appointment they started to do jobs. Staci would put the dirt in the buckets and Eli would carry it to the raised bed.

Skipping: Eli went to J's doctor's appointment.

Once they got back Eli and his mother got back they kicked ass on getting dirt out of the driveway. Not much happened but all I can say is that by the end of it Eli's hands were dead.

3 Hours 4 Minutes and 22 Seconds,

I want to start with yesterday, June 19th. it was one of the most agonizing, painful and utterly itchy days of my life. yes... itchy. It all started when I woke up, I felt a very itchy, itch on both of my thighs and so I scratched it and though nothing of it until my back started to burn from itchiness too and that was when i asked my mom to scratch it for me. When I pulled my shirt of the first thing she and thomas noticed was that there was a bunch of little white dots o my back; most likely bug bites. She told me that was too bad and than she said that we should was my bed sheets because maybe there was some sort of bug species that had colonized right under my plaid bed sheets. I didn't think that was what it was. I thought it was some sort of were-bug that lived in my bed spring and only came out at night to bite me and suck my blood. So that would make it a Vamp-were-bug....

My itching didn't really act up until we went out to dinner at a mexican place called Fonda Rosa. I think it was the chairs because they were all rubbing up against my back. Me and mom went to the salon before we went home, to get her stuff and while we were there i lifted my shirt and my entire torso and bits of my back were red and some of the skin was raised. It was some pretty sick stuff. We went home and she put some lotion on me and my stomach area got better and my back too but I started to get itchy around my thighs again and so what I did was wet a wash cloth and put that in between my legs and it felt a whole lot better.

The cool thing is, that now i know how my brother Jasper feels when he scratches. its like athletes foot on your head shoulders knees and toes... and back and torso.

Back to the blog. When I was itching I was told that we were going to interview a new nanny for the J-man at brunch tomorrow. I woke up, feeling better and took a shower and got ready to go to meet her. We arrived at the restaurant at about
10:30 and we got some drinks and went to sit on a very soft, short couch next to a pool table. On the table in front of the couch was a chess set and me and Thomas started out, drinking coffee and playing chess. it was pretty fun, but he beat the crap out of me and afterwards he gave me the whole "you are getting better,' speech even though I totally sucked.

We were told by a waiter that we were going to have to wait about 45 to 50 minutes. Me and Thomas played chess and watched World Cup Soccer for about 30 minutes and that was when maybe-nanny-to-be came and sat down next to us. On first impression I thought that she was a really nice person and she was. me and Thomas continued playing chess and talking to each other for a while. The new nanny and my mom were talking about the baby and each other when the waiter came out and said that it was going to be about 8 to 10 more minutes until we were seated.

He was a liar, we were not even close to seated 30 minutes later. We were still sitting and talking about the baby and playing chess and watching World cup Soccer.

To make a long story short we were in there for 3 hours 4 minutes and 22 seconds.

What's Going on Around the Subjects of Sports and Blogging

Can anyone guess what I did today, just before I sat down to write this... of course you can I talk about it every other blog. I looked at the Blog of Note section on my blogger dashboard and guess what. Mine wasn't on there... again. I think you could have told me that, though because of the lack of web "traffic" to my blog page.

The other thing I want to talk about is all the stuff going on in the world of sports. Most of you that know me, know that when I say sports I mean basketball, but today I am going to talk about basketball and soccer. First order of business, basketball. Yesterday was the last game of the season for basketball. It was the finals and I was rooting for the celtics and, of course, they lost against the Lakers. it was one of the best finishes of all time. please watch.

The enxt order of sports is the very... weirdt game vs. Slavonia today. In the first half we were down 2 and than we came back to tie in the 2nd half and almost led if it wasn't for a really bad call by a new rookie ref. Please watch.

Who am I?

I feel like a completely different person, now that school is over. For one thing I can pretty much just sit on the couch and veg all day. For another I can sleep in and wake up when ever the hell I feel like it. just for the hell of it, I still set my alarm for 7 even though i don't wake up, then. I like the feeling of waking up, thinking it is a school day, realizing its not, and than going back to sleep.

Maybe its just the summer air but I have been having some pretty wacky dreams lately. For example, last night I had a dream that PPs had funded a trip for the entire JMP to go around the moon. Not on, just around. The teacher that would be taking us was, of course, Mr. Groom. Before we got on the rocket he made each of us sign a little waver that said if we die our relatives cannot sue PPS. I signed it. I remember 2 things that were weird from the dream. 1.) I sat next to Anna Claire (one of my worst relations of all time) and we had an argument about how she shouldn't keep her papers in a CD case because it would waste glass. I think that maybe i just wanted to argue with her. 2.) Milo (see "Supporting Cast") had a white computer from the language lab and on the screen was a weird version of the Comcast cable menu.

When I woke up I was unusually oscitant. I think it had something to do with the really weird dreams.

Thomas has been really into watching World Cup soccer in spanish and let me tell you, the people just talk a little fast for me and after a while the voices can get really annoying. oh mi gosh que era uno de los mejores movimientos del futbal de toda la hora. guau! eso era asombroso! and so on. That is the voice that is echoing in our home while I write, read, play basketball etc.

It isn't a bad thing but after a while it can get just a tad bit annoying.

Another thing that I have been doing with my summer break is reading to write. yesterday i went to the library and got 3 boks on writing, editing and fiction. One of them is called Writing Fiction for dummies.

And I have to say it has definitely helped me and so I definitely recommend it to anyone who seeks fiction writing enlightenment.

Thats all the time we have for now.

Finally... 2

Sorry about the hold up. My mom needed to go and she had to bring her computer with her so I couldn't finish it. And for those of you who didn't read the first blog "finally..." than i urge you to read it and than read this one so you know what is happening.

Anyway, after lunch we went to Ms. Sullivan's class to get the 411 on what we were going to do today. Me and Henry took a seat on the heater so our butts would be nice and hot. She told us that first we were going to go to the covered area, because it was raining bears and frogs, and do a traditional japanese watermelon smashing. It's basically where you pick a name out of a hat and than you blind fold that person, give them a stick and they have to try to smash the watermelon open. If you can do that without sending anyone to the hospital, than you win and we start all over again.

The first person to be picked was Katie, and she totally missed every time, but towards the end she kind of bruised the melon, just a little bit. Next up was Natalie and let me tell you she gave that watermelon a whuppin. She smacked and it smashed in half and than she kept smashing it until it was watermelon juice. The whole crowd went completely insane when she did that. The next few people didn't really do anything but the last person to try it was Musashino Sensei. He was a big Ichiro fan so we told him to make like Ichiro and beat the guts out of the ball, or in this case, watermelon. He smacked and he missed and than the next time he went for a smash he smashed the stick into the ground and it broke! It was so funny, we were all laughing our a**'s off and at that point they had to stop doing it because obviously we didn't have a stick no more.

the next thing we did was play dodgeball in the gym and that wasn't fun because I kept getting out and so it was almost like I never played and so I just talked to people the whole time, it sucked.

The next thing we did was we went to Mr. Bacon's room to watch another Twilight Zone movie and this one sucked a lot so I don't really want to talk about that either.

The next thing e did was to go to Mr. Seigel's room to play board games. The cool thing is that we didn't even play games. We made towers out of Jenga blocks and than tried to knock them over by throwing other Jenga blocks at them. Note: if you ever want to get a girl really mad at you make sure to throw Jenga blocks at a tower she is building over and over again. It works... i've done it so it will actually work. Whenw e were done with that there was a whole lot of Jenga blocks on the floor and I had to clean them all up even though i probably only threw 36.7% of them.

The next thing we did was ate snacks in Sullivan's room and that was so fun because if there was anything better than eating i would stop eating and go to that. So all we did was eat.

Than we went to the gym for a final game of Tug'a'war. After that we got the whole have a nice summer speech and than the bell rang and we ran outside and kept yelling were free. When i got in the car Krys was there and she gave me the coolest late birthday present ever. It was an autographed Flogging Molly album and it was addressed to me. It said To Eli we we will see you next time and than it was signed. it was awesome to think that famous people care about me.

In the words of Forrest Gump life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get.

Finally...

What? To tell the truth school is out and it IS summer vacation and if I want to show a freakin' High School Musical video on my blog I will and there isn't anything you can do about it. So if you are reading this blog while listening to the awesome song, than you will replace Milo and be my new best friend, so read on.

Before we start the actual blog about the last day of school I want to clear up some miscellaneous points that i forgot to wrap up last blog. When we went to the Japanese store with a long name we bought a cool triangle hat that is supposed to be for farmers, not 12 year-old boys, but I bought it anyway. Correction: my mom bought it for us.

isn't it totally sexy on me. Don't lie. Anyway...yeah. Back to the last day of school. It started when me and Thomas drove to school to the annoying sound of Collin Cowherd's voice. Collin is a local sports radio talk show host who has a reall y annoying voice and really bad timing when it comes to commercial's. He will be in the middle of a sentence and out of now where 'Oxy-clean..." and you get the idea. I was very relieved when i got to get out of the car, though i did enjoy the ride with Thomas, just not the radio.

We all hung out on our side of the hill, just like it was a regular day of school, and it kinda felt like it was to tell the truth. it didn't smell like summer and it certainly didn't look like summer, it looked like another rainy morning in Portland. The school bell rang and we all entered the school like it was just another day of school, no one was screaming and saying that it was the last time we were going to do this... nothing.

We all put our crap in our locker and went to the gym for the Taborsan Academy awards. To make a long story short, I didn't win one, but some other good news did arise. Musashino Sensei mixed up me and Milo's grades so instead of getting a B- I got an A+. I know an A+ I was so excited, that I hugged him. That might have been a bit much though. And the cool thing is that it counts for 75% of our grade so now I am bound to get at least a B in japanese. I am so excited. I want to take a minute to thank Mr. Seigel who taught me to spell the word Excited. Thanks.

We went to Math next but it wasn't really math. Ms. Sullivan told us to pile into Groom's room to watch a Twilight Zone movie. It was really hectic because, again, there was 80-100 people in one room. The hall was also really hectic because we were all supposed to bring chairs with us and we were all doing chair races and stuff. I don't know how but once it was over my right thigh really started to hurt.

The twilight thing was pretty cool but i don't want to spend the entire blog talking about it but it was called The eye of the beholder.

After that we had Lunch. it wasn't really lunch because it was 11 but it was still a meal and I was hungry so it didn't really make a difference to me. It wasn't really that interesting, but one cool thing was that me, kenji and Russian were all wearing cool bright converse. Or as nick would say Converze. Actually I say that too but what the hell.

To be continued......................

Foiled Again,

Does anyone know what I did today? Of course you do I do it everyday, I checked the Blog of Note section on the blogger page and guess what? It wasn't there! Yeah.... I mean nooo!!! So I will keep hoping and I will keep watch and see what happens, or what doesn't happen more likely.

Anyway before all the bickering about Blogger, I was having a wonderful day. Me and mother just got back from a Japanese store that I can't spell the name of. Let me try, Owagimaya. It looks right but knowing me its probably spelled backwards. While we were at this un-spell-able store we got some of the famous Japanese Ramen. And I'm not talkin' about Top Ramen, I'm talking about really ramen made by real people, not by the machines that you see on "How its Made." it tasted so good too. Also while we were there I bought a $14.50 pencil. Who would do that you ask? Me. You see its not just any pencil, its a Shakie pencil.

And it wasn't even this one, it was an awesome red one and it had Japanese writing around it. It also had some french writing around it. Don't ask me.

Before the fun trip to the Japanese store who's name I can't spell, we had gone to the Student-parent conferences. It had been better than I had expected. Before I went in to the room where I had it, this 8th grader came out and said that she had blown hers. That didn't exactly give me a lot of assurance but you know.

I thought it would be cool if i went in with my PJ's so I wore those and no one even pointed them out. All in all it turned out pretty good.

The 2nd to Last Day of School,

Before I start to rant and rave about how stupid the school is for making the last day of school next week, in the middle of the week, Just want to take a minute to say that 8th graders are really loud and that I hate August... hi August, I hope your having fun with your best Skinny Jeans award and satisfied with making my back hurt so much by plunging your shoe into it... all will be explained in good time, Reader.

Anyway, back to the point, some people imagine the last day of school as people walking out of school, smiling with there arms up handing out there pen and a yearbook for people to sign. Reality check people. Even though today wasn't technically the last day of school it was the PPS equivalent of the last day of school and here is what happened. As soon as the bell rang everybody ran out of the classrooms and started to yell at the top of there lungs. Holy crap where did my ear go. Oh wait I ripped it off as soon as David came over to me and said, "man this is great," and it was funny because it was actually the first time I couldn't hear David, but Dvid+other noises=Eli ripping off his ear. At this point I would like to note that, that makes me 1 more step closer to being a genius... like Van Gogh. Lol.

Let me fill you in on how all of this happened. In Japanese and Social Study's we were finishing up watching peoples videos and so that was just like anything else. Once we got to math we went immediately to Mr. Grooms room for a light bulb drop. This was rad because the day before we made contraptions that were supposed to make our light bulb be delivered safely from a 4 meter lift to the ground...our thing was so cool and we were so sure that ours was going to work but that, to will all be explained in good time.

When we got to his room it was all weird because the desks were gone and replacing them was 4 rows of chairs. It was like a giant ocean of chairs. I tried to get the best seat that I could but I ended up having to sit in the 2nd row. Mr. Groom was going to drop them in order of the classes that he see's so first 3rd period and than 7th and 8th. We were told that the peoples bulbs that were going to be dropped had to sit in the first to rows, so I had to give up my totally awesome seat to go sit in the back, where I couldn't see and darn thing.

The whole audience "woahed," when ever they heard the shattering of the bulb, except of course the group who dropped it. For them it was an emotional upset and afterwards they all looked like they needed counseling. I always went up to them and told them that it wasn't a big deal, but they always told me to shut up.

The time finally came for us to drop ours. We were so sure that it was going to work because we had a genius plan that the scissors would absorb all the shock, but obviously the bulb had experienced more shock because 3 or 4 seconds after it was drop we heard a dramatic shatter and than the popping of balloons... to bad. The rest of that was basically history and so we had advisory and than lunch and than we went to the cafeteria for the community celebration.

I arrived to the sound of justin Biebers hit, Baby, playing on the stereo and that was also the cause as to why I tore off my ear. I got a glass of water and began to sign yearbooks. The thing I said on the yearbooks was "because i'll be famous -Eli," and than everybody would be all like "pff, yeah right," oh those people will see. We were all rocking out to a B.O.B song when we were bombarded by a bunch of non-jmp d-bags.

We all looked up at Mr. Bacon and he said "oh crap," on the mic and than said "i am so sorry, I thought that I signed my name on the sheet," and than the teacher leading the other group looked at him like he was crazy. He told us to all meet up in Mr. Grooms class and so we all walked back to Groom's room and sat down. He told us that we all needed to move the tables out and put shairs out because we were about to have 130 people in 1 room and that is never good.

I chose a chair way in the back with all my friends and we started this puppy off.

We started off by announcing the winners of the citizenship award and of course my name was not called so i didn't get a poorly hand drwn picture of a guy holding a trophy with my name on it. Toooo baaaaaad. After that they started doing this thing called the "wacky" awards. They started to give out awards to people. Just to show you how stupid these were here is a sample. Best Swimmer. Best Handwriting. Most Crazy. Best Skinny Jeans. And August went crazy when he won that. He started jumping up and down and he was so pumped that he decided to come sit behind me.

He asked me if it was okay if he put his foot on my chair and when he did he completely jabbed it into my back. It was like this through the rest of the wacky awards and some of the slideshow until I moved. Some of you are asking why i didn't just ask him to move his foot? Because I can't just ask that to an 8th grader, it will make me seem bad and not help me be considered "cool" amoung there pack who they like to call, "the fresh boyz,"
.
After all that we put the tables back and unloaded our locker and than I began the trip to grandma;s house. Dun Dun Dun.... It began with Kayla waving at my grandma and my grandma waved back, a little creeped out. I couldn't blame her. When I got in the car she asked me if Kayla was mental. I said yes. F.Y.I she really isn't and if Kayla is reading this... um... anyway.

After about 20 minutes of driving and talking she hadn't pulled out the Mary Higgins Clark Audiobook out yet and it was a little weird. She than told me that it was in a hard to reach bag under all her suit cases and she told me it would be really hard to get. Remind me to never trust grandma again because it was so easy to get, that I bet Jasper could have gotten it.

Well we are all out of time... bye.