3 Hours 4 Minutes and 22 Seconds,

I want to start with yesterday, June 19th. it was one of the most agonizing, painful and utterly itchy days of my life. yes... itchy. It all started when I woke up, I felt a very itchy, itch on both of my thighs and so I scratched it and though nothing of it until my back started to burn from itchiness too and that was when i asked my mom to scratch it for me. When I pulled my shirt of the first thing she and thomas noticed was that there was a bunch of little white dots o my back; most likely bug bites. She told me that was too bad and than she said that we should was my bed sheets because maybe there was some sort of bug species that had colonized right under my plaid bed sheets. I didn't think that was what it was. I thought it was some sort of were-bug that lived in my bed spring and only came out at night to bite me and suck my blood. So that would make it a Vamp-were-bug....

My itching didn't really act up until we went out to dinner at a mexican place called Fonda Rosa. I think it was the chairs because they were all rubbing up against my back. Me and mom went to the salon before we went home, to get her stuff and while we were there i lifted my shirt and my entire torso and bits of my back were red and some of the skin was raised. It was some pretty sick stuff. We went home and she put some lotion on me and my stomach area got better and my back too but I started to get itchy around my thighs again and so what I did was wet a wash cloth and put that in between my legs and it felt a whole lot better.

The cool thing is, that now i know how my brother Jasper feels when he scratches. its like athletes foot on your head shoulders knees and toes... and back and torso.

Back to the blog. When I was itching I was told that we were going to interview a new nanny for the J-man at brunch tomorrow. I woke up, feeling better and took a shower and got ready to go to meet her. We arrived at the restaurant at about
10:30 and we got some drinks and went to sit on a very soft, short couch next to a pool table. On the table in front of the couch was a chess set and me and Thomas started out, drinking coffee and playing chess. it was pretty fun, but he beat the crap out of me and afterwards he gave me the whole "you are getting better,' speech even though I totally sucked.

We were told by a waiter that we were going to have to wait about 45 to 50 minutes. Me and Thomas played chess and watched World Cup Soccer for about 30 minutes and that was when maybe-nanny-to-be came and sat down next to us. On first impression I thought that she was a really nice person and she was. me and Thomas continued playing chess and talking to each other for a while. The new nanny and my mom were talking about the baby and each other when the waiter came out and said that it was going to be about 8 to 10 more minutes until we were seated.

He was a liar, we were not even close to seated 30 minutes later. We were still sitting and talking about the baby and playing chess and watching World cup Soccer.

To make a long story short we were in there for 3 hours 4 minutes and 22 seconds.

Finally...

What? To tell the truth school is out and it IS summer vacation and if I want to show a freakin' High School Musical video on my blog I will and there isn't anything you can do about it. So if you are reading this blog while listening to the awesome song, than you will replace Milo and be my new best friend, so read on.

Before we start the actual blog about the last day of school I want to clear up some miscellaneous points that i forgot to wrap up last blog. When we went to the Japanese store with a long name we bought a cool triangle hat that is supposed to be for farmers, not 12 year-old boys, but I bought it anyway. Correction: my mom bought it for us.

isn't it totally sexy on me. Don't lie. Anyway...yeah. Back to the last day of school. It started when me and Thomas drove to school to the annoying sound of Collin Cowherd's voice. Collin is a local sports radio talk show host who has a reall y annoying voice and really bad timing when it comes to commercial's. He will be in the middle of a sentence and out of now where 'Oxy-clean..." and you get the idea. I was very relieved when i got to get out of the car, though i did enjoy the ride with Thomas, just not the radio.

We all hung out on our side of the hill, just like it was a regular day of school, and it kinda felt like it was to tell the truth. it didn't smell like summer and it certainly didn't look like summer, it looked like another rainy morning in Portland. The school bell rang and we all entered the school like it was just another day of school, no one was screaming and saying that it was the last time we were going to do this... nothing.

We all put our crap in our locker and went to the gym for the Taborsan Academy awards. To make a long story short, I didn't win one, but some other good news did arise. Musashino Sensei mixed up me and Milo's grades so instead of getting a B- I got an A+. I know an A+ I was so excited, that I hugged him. That might have been a bit much though. And the cool thing is that it counts for 75% of our grade so now I am bound to get at least a B in japanese. I am so excited. I want to take a minute to thank Mr. Seigel who taught me to spell the word Excited. Thanks.

We went to Math next but it wasn't really math. Ms. Sullivan told us to pile into Groom's room to watch a Twilight Zone movie. It was really hectic because, again, there was 80-100 people in one room. The hall was also really hectic because we were all supposed to bring chairs with us and we were all doing chair races and stuff. I don't know how but once it was over my right thigh really started to hurt.

The twilight thing was pretty cool but i don't want to spend the entire blog talking about it but it was called The eye of the beholder.

After that we had Lunch. it wasn't really lunch because it was 11 but it was still a meal and I was hungry so it didn't really make a difference to me. It wasn't really that interesting, but one cool thing was that me, kenji and Russian were all wearing cool bright converse. Or as nick would say Converze. Actually I say that too but what the hell.

To be continued......................

IT CAME IT CAME IT CAAAAAME!!

Yesterday i got picked up by my mom after school and when I got into the small Volkswagon I had this growing suspicion that my phone had come and she was going to do something special to give it to me. We had our daily talk about how our day was and how Jasper was and while this is happening she takes out her blackberry and pushes some buttons and holds it in her left hand while she is driving.

I'm thinkin' what the hell are you doing? And than all of a sudden I hear this weird and funky ringtone that I had never heard before. The first thing I thought was that my mom had changed her ringtone and that someone was calling her but than she picks up this black phone from in the side of her seat and says "looks like your phone is ringing."

I of course go into a big fit and start saying "i love you," and "thank you," over and over and over again. She is smiling while I am saying this and than she tells me that we are going to go to the bank and she is going to make a deposit. And i'm thinking, yes! more time with my phone.

I absolutely love it so much.

Awaiting My New Phone,

Hello, everybody. Well I guess I should start at the very beginning, for this story. Back, oh, about 6 months ago I got all inspired to save up enough money to buy myself a nice, decent phone, as apposed to the one that I have now... I never made it. At one point I had saved up $150, but that was when I started to buy a lot of Basketball autographs online. In between all of the autographs and sudden loss of money to my dad, I lost faith in getting a phone for myself.

But the story goes on... 6 months later, me and my grandma are driving up to her house and we are talking about Blackberry phones, and she asks me "hey Eli aren't you going to get a new phone this month," and from that moment on I was obsessed with getting a new phone to replace my excuse of a phone....

Me and my mom are on the couch and she looks at her computer and tells me that my new every 2 (when I get a new phone) is on the next day. I start to flip out because I am finally able to replace my phone. We look at phones online and I fall in love with an LG phone called the Cosmos. I am so exited to order it the next day. All I can think about at school is that phone. The qwerty keyboard... *drool.*

So people get down on your knees and pray. Ask God for forgiveness, since you are looking at something that you are not worthy to even set your eyes upon. Behold... the LG Cosmos!





And this phone will come in handy because I am thinking about getting a Twitter account and you can tweet from this without using the internet! COOL!

"While in Goldendale,"

Goldendale is a small little town just barely in Washington state. The population of this freakishly small town is 3500 people! That is why I feel good whenever I come down here. I feel like I am adding to the population, making it a bigger and better town. I am confused by this little town, though, because when I am up here visiting grandma everything seems so... weird and set up. But when I meet natives from here that have been here for a while its like living in New York. They trash talk a lot and compared to my experiences here with grandma, its just a little bit confusing.

One funy thing that is going to be happening today, is that there is going to be a big funeral for somebody that died in the war. And as it turns out 2 bus fulls of army men will be attending. A lot of army men+family+singers+pastor greg+small church=total and complete awesomeness. But wait I'm not over yet. There is a group of guys coming down from Tennessee to PROTEST the war while the funeral is happening!!!!Just imagine coming to a funeral in a small town in a very small church with 100 people AND protesters in the background! I can't wait to see what happens.

Vladmere the Elephant,

This is a story that me and my friend Henry wrote (more me than him) in Advisory at school. We were bored so we decided to pick up on a story that we had started writing a couple weeks earlier but we couldn't finish it because our Math teacher said it wasn't considered "school work."
Watch this get published Ms. Sullivan!

Part 1: The Big Shower,
Once upon a time way back in the 1930's there lived an Elephant named Vladmere. At first glance you would think he was a nice, happy Elephant, but at first smell you might think differently.
Vladmere was a very stinky Elephant to say it in a short way.
"You are so stinky," says his best friend Jimmy.
"I know I stink," said Vladmere in a very dejected voice, "what should I do?"
"You should go take a shower," said his girlfriend Fallen. So Vladmere went and took a shower. He turned on the water and used his Axe shower gel... but he still stunk.
"I trusted you Axe Shower Gel," he screamed at his shower gel....
After this he went to his other friend Todd.
"What should I do, Todd?" Vladmere asked.
"You need to go to the BIG SHOWER," Todd replied.
"What's that?" Vladmere asked.
"It makes everybody clean,"Todd said.
All of a sudden a bunch of Russian Helicopters dropped out of the clouds, picked Vladmere up using a new grapple technology, and flew away.
"AHHHHHH!" Vladmere screamed, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
"You know what's happening to you," one of the Russians said, "you were trying to go to our secret hanger, code name... the BIG SHOWER."
"NOOOOO!"
"And so now we are going to take you to a camp," the russian said.
"A... a... a... camp?"
"Not just any camp a... a... concentration camp." At this point Vladmere was piss-his-pants scared.
Once they landed they un-hooked Vladmere and dragged him into the concentration camp... zoo.
"Were are we?" Vladmere asked as he was being dragged.
"In Siberia," one Russian said. They pushed Vladmere into his stall and left him there. Vladmere noticed that there was a computer in his stall, so he thought it was a good time to check his Facebook.
He posted a status update saying:
Vladmere Todd: is trapped in a concentration camp zoo lol. But all the Russians were checking there Facebook too and they thought Vladmer Todd was sending a distress call.

Back in Vladmere's stall.
Vladmere decided that he wanted to friend Stalin on Facebook so that maybe Stalin would like him and let him go to the BIG SHOWER. So he did and he regretted it.

My Memoirs,

CHAPTER 1: LIFE IN THE WOMB,
I knew from day 1 that I was a Blazer fan. From that first moment that I was conceived, oh so long ago, I knew why I was put on this Earth... to root for THE HOME TEAM! I could feel my mother changing the channels, and I kicked and I kicked, I wanted her to give me the remote, so I could change the channel and listen to all the fans root.
Even though our team was still far away from the championship that they are going to win this season, they were still the blazers, NAY, they were MY Blazers, they weren't anyone else's but a small child that wasn't even born yet.
I spent the rest of the 9 months of my life in agony, missing all of the regular season and playoff's. The only moment when I felt good was one moment in october when my daddy said:
"Man those blazers seem like they are doing good!" YES! Finally, it happened i was officially a fan of the blazers.
About 2 months later I could feel that it was time to leave the warm womb of my mother. So I did, but I cried and cried and cried... because we were missing a Blazer game.
"WAH! WAH!," I would scream, but all my mom did was put me in this soft blanket and rock me. I hope that this Hospital has a t.v in the room otherwise I would scream and cry and cry and scream.
Little did I know that I wouldn't see a Blazer game for 11 more years. Eventually I forgot it and I went through fazes of Soccer (AHHH) and baseball (Mhaah...ahh)
But 11 years later I got what I wanted a Blazer game, and it was even in the Playoffs. We lost the round and I didn't get to watch Basketball for 30 more weeks... sniffle... and on that opening day I was so happy.
I am a Blazer fan.

CHAPTER 2: MY LIFE ASIDE FROM BASKETBALL,
Um... I go to school and... um... oh ya... I love my mom and dad... um... yeah.

Woopti-do Log A.K.A The Most Boring Time of my 12 Years Of Life!

Every Wednesday and Thursday I ride the bus down to 28th and Burnside to hangout at my mom's shop. Now, sometimes I actually have something to do, like read a book or do my homework. But this week would be the worst. This week made me believe in Karma because when I get out of school to go to the bus stop, the bus was already there and I had to yell to someone to hold it for me.
"Hey!? WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING IT UP FOR ME?"
"Nnnn!"
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"NNNNN!"
And than the broken walk sign would turn on and I would run across the street hearing the walk sign say:
"ksinon... ksinon... Ksinon."
When I got to the other side of the street the guy gave me bad looks for the whole ride. What the hell did I do?
"NNNN!!!"
"WELL SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULDN'T HOLD A BUS!"
Most of the bus rides I sit behind someone with a problem, like one guy was really gassy another was very talkative.
When I would arrive at Woopti-do every body would greet me and I would always nod and keep about my business.
"Hey Eli."
"Hi Jody."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi Shirly."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi mom," and there was more. I went into the backroom and sat down for a minute to relax and take it easy, than I would go to the bathroom. Afterwards I would tell my mom how my day was and she would tell me to stop distracting her. I love you to. I returned to my kingdom of bleach and rice cakes A.K.A the backroom and I opened my backpack to see if i had any homework. Oh no. Whats this? No homework, well I must have a boo- oh no... oh no, [bends down on knees and looks up at sky,] OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I took my seat on Khat's chair and rested my head on my hand. I sat there for about, oh 30 minutes (no kidding) and I saw my mom checking out one of her clients and all of a sudden the phone started ringing.
"Eli can you get it, its Thomas," I quickly ran over to the phone. There was a chance to get a laugh.
In a gay voice I said, "Woopti-do this is Eli."
"Hey Eli can you give the phone to your mom?" I handed the phone to my mom and basicly what happened was Thomas was going to come by and take to the anniversary party our friends were having. My mom said he was going to be there around half an hour from now. So I took my seat on the desk and waited. Staring at the door, hoping that a bulky bald figure with a cigarette would walk in front of the door looking in. Hoping that a blue Honda would drive, smoothly, by the store. But no... never.
At one point I got up, looking for the news paper to see if I could find the sports section. It wasn't there.
Around 1 hour and 15 minutes later I saw Thomas walk by, my heart jumped and I went outside and hugged him so much.
We left after that and we went to Burgerville and I got a hamburger and fries and we both curled up with our respective sports section. We than went to see the performance, it was pretty cool, the building was dark and there was candles hanging from the ceiling.
When it was done we all hung out in the backroom joking and one thing that happened really depressed me.
..."And we can take a video of it," and everybody cracked up.
And than I said, "ya and than we could be all like hey kid this is how you were born," and everybody stopped laughing and just looked around. :(

THE END, finally

Major Room clean-age,

I wonder how many times in my life I am going to have to clean my room. I realize that I don't clean my room as often as the average christian child, but when I do clean my room all the pain the comes when I clean my room weekly combines and makes one big horrible mess of pain. the only good thing about cleaning my room this time, was that my dad was there to talk to me and teach me how to make Shank's out of old twilight CDs that came with the book. Oh so much fun.
I woke up feeling like I was hungover. Which I pretty much was after the encounter I had on the road yesterday and also the encounter I had in the bathroom only 12 hours ago. 1 word... diarrhea. I hoisted myself out of my bed and hopelessly walked to the bathroom to clean my butt. Anyway, when I was done with that, I got dressed and went downstairs to find my mom pumping.
"Hey mom. Wazzup?!," I said, a little to enthusiastically for someone that had spent the last 3 out of 12 hours in the bathroom. I wonder how much time in my life I am going to spend in the bathroom. One never knows how much time they spend in the bathroom. Did you know that the average person spends 1946.667 hours in the bathroom in their life in the bathroom. I have already spent approximately 2987.37429062 hours in the bathroom. Or so it seems.
"Oh not much, son of mine," she replied with a positive tone of voice. Or surprisingly positive because last night we spent like 3 hours on the road because there was a traffic stuff. I was so bored I was reading the label on the back of the truck. I learned what a tare weight was. Now when I grow up to become a sleezy trucker I will know how close I can come to breaking the law with the weight of my load. Japanese will come in handy than because I can make the cop think I am an immigrant.
Anyway, I went to school so boring.
On the way home my mother told me that I had to clean my room when I got home no matter what. I took my glasses off and then I heard the door ring and it was my dad. We went to school and he sat on my bed reading selections from the first Library of Eli. He was reading my book, the book of Eli.
When I was cleaning under my desk I felt like a technician, trying to fix peoples cars but epically failing because 3 weeks later you find out that your client died because you accidentally put the grenade you were going to use that night to repair their car. And right now my dad is talking about how he wants to take my cousin, Spencer to the bus stop with a Carebear singing "The Fabric of Our Lives." Thats my daddy.