Top 5 Rip-offs of all Time,

When I was writing the blog about the typewriter that had white out for ink, it got me thinking, that maybe I should make a list of the top 5 rip-offs of all time. Just so, you know, you people know what to stay away from when you are in Canada or Office World etc. You should print this post out and keep it in a pocket so you can refer to it whenever you feel doubtful about something. Lets get this puppy started.

5.) Toyota Cars. Has anyone been watching the news. Those cars are death row... on wheels. The only way you can survive in one if the brakes get sticky on you is to quickly watch the Worst Case Scenario With Bear Grylls episode where you can't use the brakes, and even that sucks. They had a recall of Toyota's but I don't know if they gave the people there money back. Knowing Toyota... well I don't want to be mean. But if any of you out there are in the market for buying a new car, I would like to encourage you NOT to go to the Toyota store. I know they have the cool mini van but you still should go and take your chances with a safer car. Perhaps Subaru or maybe an Audi or maybe a Mustang... mom.

4.) Therapy. Know I know that some of you might not agree with me, I just think it's a bad idea. This is just my opinion. I think that it is kind of stupid to pay $1000+ to go vent to somebody who is only going to write things down in his/her notebook and say "uh huh." I know it feels good to tell somebody how you really feel, but thats what mom's are for, and if the reason your in therapy is because of your mom, than go over to a friends house and tell them or tell your other relatives. I know that therapist's tell you what is going on and why, but think about it, if you dug deep inside yourself, you could find the reason to, or maybe one of you friends or relatives could. Bottom line I think that therapy is a waste of money and a bad idea. Again this is only my opinion. Feel free to disagree.

3.) The Hawaii Chair. This is an exercise machine that is supposed to... i don't even no what it's supposed to do, all the people said in the commercial was "it really works." The Hawaii Chair is a chair that goes in circles around and around will you are sitting on it. I don't know about other people but that would really suck when I was talking. "Yeah, jOOOOOOEEEEE! I will GEEEEEEEEET! those papers TOOOOO you right AWWWWAAAAYYYYYY!" LOL. All in all it really sucks so stay away from it.

2.) White Ink. As seen in my other post that i wrote a while back, my typewriter came with a set of white ink. Yes you heard me right, ink that is white. White out. How am I supposed to see that? Oh yeah I put in black pape- wait it won't fit in the typewriter, so i guess the only way that I will read it is to see if i could see the indentations on the paper. The good part is that if I make a mistake with my white ink, I can erase it with my white, white out.

1.) Canadian Bacon. Yes you heard me Canadian Bacon, or as I like to call it... ham.
Thats all it is. Its just packaged ham. If you cook it, its not bacon, its cooked ham. It just doesn't work out. So from now one, if someone you know makes a really bad rip-off, all you have to say is "you pulled a Canadian Bacon,"

Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House,

This is going to be a comparison of houses, a break down of the overall coolness of each house, a contrast of the 2 different houses. This is... Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House.

1.) At grandma's house I feel more disconnected from people, but more connected with the television. At my mom's house i feel like I am in tune with my inner basketball player and socializer, but not my inner television watcher, I feel like i am more connected with people, at my mama's house.

2.) At grandma's house, when we are watching television on the couch and all of a sudden a Yaz commercial comes on, she will change the channel and make a "Ssss," sound with her lips, the same sound she makes when she sees me playing Nerf basketball. At my mama's house, if a Yaz commercial comes on, than we will talk about how, if she was grandma, she would change the channel.

3.) At my mom's house I feel more free to express my inner diva and also my inner gay person (i am not gay, but everyone has an inner gay person,) i also can say "god!" Without getting the whole "lords name in vain," speech.

4.) At grandma's house I feel like my jokes are more of the simple ones that I told in 1st grade, but at Mama's house my jokes are ones that resemble Stephen Colbert. But not really because no one can be as funny as him. Just ask Thomas. Actually I think Thomas prefers Jon Stewart. Anyway, here is an example of me and Grandma's house: I could play nerf basketball all night and than, fall asleep in a little corner in the hallway. Mama's house: Telling my mom that my friend Robert thought that Tom Petty was in The Beatles. Now this joke wouldn't work with grandma because she doesn't know who Tom Petty is. She thought Neil Young was a basketball player when I told her about my expert project.

5.) Basketball; at my mama's house I can go over to the park, and play basketball whenever I please. But at grandma's house we have to drive all the way into town and play there, and I can only go once a day.

Eli's List Of Things That He Loves,

1.) I love the watermelon flavored Tootsie Pops because they don't taste like watermelon at all they taste more like tart sugar with a little bit of chocolate in the middle.

2.) I love the sound of my mom washing my hair at her salon, it sounds like someone is sprinkling a little bucket of water in to a big lake and there is a momentary silence when it happens so it calms you down.

3.) I love going out to play basketball and than coming back and ringing the doorbell on our door and pretending I am from the Jehovah's Witnesses because it makes me and my mom laugh... LOL.

4.) I love driving to school with Thomas because it is so quiet and we get to listen to a sports radio station.

5.) I love cleaning my room with my dad because he makes me laugh and teaches me things that I otherwise wouldn't have known a damn thing about, like making a shank.

6.) I love the feeling that you get when you see your bus coming and you are getting ready to get on it, because you no longer have to sit on the forsaken bench of the stop, no longer do you have to watch for the bus, for know... the bus is here. YEAH!

7.) I love the look on the face of my brother when he is surprised after a big sound.

8.) I love paper packages addressed to me.