Column 1: Boy drives to town populated by christians.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable happened. A boy, age 12, left his home in Portland to go all the way up to Goldendale. The boy was not kidnapped or raiped, he just left Portland. Good thing "Turkeyradio Times," is here to bring it to you first.
Thanks, Mark. It all happened, about 3 weeks ago, when this young boy's mom decided to send him to his grandma's house for 2 week's before, returning to home and going to his Larry Steele basketball camp. Eli, the 12 year old boy, made lot's of sarcastic remarks about his grandma's house between then, and now, but inside he really felt like he wanted to go to his grandma's house. Sources indicate, that he was happy when he got there, so happy, in fact that he started to dance around his room, nerf basketball in hand.
Before he left to go to Goldendale, he and his mother and grandmother, stopped by the local plant shop to get some plants for there garden's. Eli, as you can imagine was not thrilled about it, but he stuck along for the ride, knowing that there was a "Whopper," in it for him afterwards. Sources indicate that, not only did he eat a Whopper, but he also ate a side of fries and start chicken nuggets that are supposed to look like crowns and some sprite. Mark?
Well, Staci, this boy must have been hungry because that's a lot of food for a 12 year old to consume at one time, not that I blame him. All that he had had that day was hashbrowns and egg's 3 hours earlier. The poor kid must have been starving. Back to you, Staci.
Thank you, mark. I am being told that on the way down to Goldendale, Eli and his grandmother listened to a cheesy Mary Higgins Clark audiobook. Well, thats all we have for now. See you next time on The Turkeyradio Times.
Column 2: Advice column.
Today's word of advice is this. Being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it.
Thank you,
Showing posts with label sigh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sigh. Show all posts
7.06.2010
7.03.2010
Writing in the library,
Today my father came over, as he usually does on saturdays. It started out with us just doing our usual things, arguing over who's phone is better, telling each other how mean we are, and hugging each other repeatedly. When I was playing video games, around 3, he said he was going to go. I said "NOOO!" And asked him where he was going. He told me he was going to go over to library and do some writing. I looked at Thomas and asked him when Tony was going to be over.
"6:00," he told me and than said as long as I was back by than, it would be okay to go to the library. I got some bus fare out of my quarter collection, and me and my dad left the house.
Not 2 mminutes into the walk we were already arguing about where the nearest library was. We both agreed that it was on Woodstalk, but he thought that Woodstalk was back in the Mt. Scott direction. I corrected him, and said that it was actually down on 82nd. He looked at me for a second and than said "your probably right," and we started walking.
It almost felt like driving with my mom or Thomas, because he was on his phone almost 50% of the time we were walking, and the other 50% he was telling me about how i didn't know how happy he was to have a phone. Every time he said that I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, followed by him calling me mean.
I am not mean. Well maybe sometimes I can be a little discouraging, but I wouldn't call it mean. I can understand why I would be mean to him though, because I had just spent the last 5 days with a bunch of dumbnuts that thought cake was made entirely out of frosting. Obviosly he has never had cake before.
When we got to 82nd we didn't know wether to go right or left, so we went into a plaid pantry and asked. I thought that we had to go right and the cashier confirmed that. Thats when I started yelling "WHAT NOW!" And "IN YOUR FACE!" To him.
Every single time we turned the corner i said that it was only going to be a few more blocks and in 3 blocks I would say that I was sure it was going to be after this building, and so on and so forth.
Eventually we got to the library, and we signed up for computers and waited, all that jazz. I think it is really fun to write someplace other than my house or grandma's. It is a change in apnosphere, and it kind of inspires me to write.
Note: The reason Tony is coming to pick me up is that me and him and Amy are going to go see the new Twilight movie, Eclipse, tonight and I am really excited. I will have a full breakdown of it either tomorrow or the next day. Sigh... i love writing in the library.
"6:00," he told me and than said as long as I was back by than, it would be okay to go to the library. I got some bus fare out of my quarter collection, and me and my dad left the house.
Not 2 mminutes into the walk we were already arguing about where the nearest library was. We both agreed that it was on Woodstalk, but he thought that Woodstalk was back in the Mt. Scott direction. I corrected him, and said that it was actually down on 82nd. He looked at me for a second and than said "your probably right," and we started walking.
It almost felt like driving with my mom or Thomas, because he was on his phone almost 50% of the time we were walking, and the other 50% he was telling me about how i didn't know how happy he was to have a phone. Every time he said that I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, followed by him calling me mean.
I am not mean. Well maybe sometimes I can be a little discouraging, but I wouldn't call it mean. I can understand why I would be mean to him though, because I had just spent the last 5 days with a bunch of dumbnuts that thought cake was made entirely out of frosting. Obviosly he has never had cake before.
When we got to 82nd we didn't know wether to go right or left, so we went into a plaid pantry and asked. I thought that we had to go right and the cashier confirmed that. Thats when I started yelling "WHAT NOW!" And "IN YOUR FACE!" To him.
Every single time we turned the corner i said that it was only going to be a few more blocks and in 3 blocks I would say that I was sure it was going to be after this building, and so on and so forth.
Eventually we got to the library, and we signed up for computers and waited, all that jazz. I think it is really fun to write someplace other than my house or grandma's. It is a change in apnosphere, and it kind of inspires me to write.
Note: The reason Tony is coming to pick me up is that me and him and Amy are going to go see the new Twilight movie, Eclipse, tonight and I am really excited. I will have a full breakdown of it either tomorrow or the next day. Sigh... i love writing in the library.
6.20.2010
3 Hours 4 Minutes and 22 Seconds,
I want to start with yesterday, June 19th. it was one of the most agonizing, painful and utterly itchy days of my life. yes... itchy. It all started when I woke up, I felt a very itchy, itch on both of my thighs and so I scratched it and though nothing of it until my back started to burn from itchiness too and that was when i asked my mom to scratch it for me. When I pulled my shirt of the first thing she and thomas noticed was that there was a bunch of little white dots o my back; most likely bug bites. She told me that was too bad and than she said that we should was my bed sheets because maybe there was some sort of bug species that had colonized right under my plaid bed sheets. I didn't think that was what it was. I thought it was some sort of were-bug that lived in my bed spring and only came out at night to bite me and suck my blood. So that would make it a Vamp-were-bug....
My itching didn't really act up until we went out to dinner at a mexican place called Fonda Rosa. I think it was the chairs because they were all rubbing up against my back. Me and mom went to the salon before we went home, to get her stuff and while we were there i lifted my shirt and my entire torso and bits of my back were red and some of the skin was raised. It was some pretty sick stuff. We went home and she put some lotion on me and my stomach area got better and my back too but I started to get itchy around my thighs again and so what I did was wet a wash cloth and put that in between my legs and it felt a whole lot better.
The cool thing is, that now i know how my brother Jasper feels when he scratches. its like athletes foot on your head shoulders knees and toes... and back and torso.
Back to the blog. When I was itching I was told that we were going to interview a new nanny for the J-man at brunch tomorrow. I woke up, feeling better and took a shower and got ready to go to meet her. We arrived at the restaurant at about
10:30 and we got some drinks and went to sit on a very soft, short couch next to a pool table. On the table in front of the couch was a chess set and me and Thomas started out, drinking coffee and playing chess. it was pretty fun, but he beat the crap out of me and afterwards he gave me the whole "you are getting better,' speech even though I totally sucked.
We were told by a waiter that we were going to have to wait about 45 to 50 minutes. Me and Thomas played chess and watched World Cup Soccer for about 30 minutes and that was when maybe-nanny-to-be came and sat down next to us. On first impression I thought that she was a really nice person and she was. me and Thomas continued playing chess and talking to each other for a while. The new nanny and my mom were talking about the baby and each other when the waiter came out and said that it was going to be about 8 to 10 more minutes until we were seated.
He was a liar, we were not even close to seated 30 minutes later. We were still sitting and talking about the baby and playing chess and watching World cup Soccer.
To make a long story short we were in there for 3 hours 4 minutes and 22 seconds.
My itching didn't really act up until we went out to dinner at a mexican place called Fonda Rosa. I think it was the chairs because they were all rubbing up against my back. Me and mom went to the salon before we went home, to get her stuff and while we were there i lifted my shirt and my entire torso and bits of my back were red and some of the skin was raised. It was some pretty sick stuff. We went home and she put some lotion on me and my stomach area got better and my back too but I started to get itchy around my thighs again and so what I did was wet a wash cloth and put that in between my legs and it felt a whole lot better.
The cool thing is, that now i know how my brother Jasper feels when he scratches. its like athletes foot on your head shoulders knees and toes... and back and torso.
Back to the blog. When I was itching I was told that we were going to interview a new nanny for the J-man at brunch tomorrow. I woke up, feeling better and took a shower and got ready to go to meet her. We arrived at the restaurant at about
10:30 and we got some drinks and went to sit on a very soft, short couch next to a pool table. On the table in front of the couch was a chess set and me and Thomas started out, drinking coffee and playing chess. it was pretty fun, but he beat the crap out of me and afterwards he gave me the whole "you are getting better,' speech even though I totally sucked.
We were told by a waiter that we were going to have to wait about 45 to 50 minutes. Me and Thomas played chess and watched World Cup Soccer for about 30 minutes and that was when maybe-nanny-to-be came and sat down next to us. On first impression I thought that she was a really nice person and she was. me and Thomas continued playing chess and talking to each other for a while. The new nanny and my mom were talking about the baby and each other when the waiter came out and said that it was going to be about 8 to 10 more minutes until we were seated.
He was a liar, we were not even close to seated 30 minutes later. We were still sitting and talking about the baby and playing chess and watching World cup Soccer.
To make a long story short we were in there for 3 hours 4 minutes and 22 seconds.
6.05.2010
Portrait Innovation's,
My Great Grandma (GG), for the last few months has been obsessed with dying and when she is going to die and all this crap. So because of this she wants to go and get professional pictures because she was going to "die." Every-time me and Grandma go up to Washington I will start a conversation about school and within 2 minutes it will have shifted, and turned into a conversation about drugs and in the NEXT 2 minutes the conversation will have shifted again and this time she will be venting to me about how much she thinks that GG is not going to die and that she is still recovering and that she isn't thinking clearly. Now GG is in her 80's and I don't think that the idea of dying, if I were her, wouldn't be a stupid i idea at all. I think that grandma is just trying to assure herself that GG isn't going to die anytime soon and that this is all crazytalk. Well I have news for you grandma, its not crazytalk at all its actually a rational, sensible idea...sheesh.
Anyway, the morning of these pictures I woke up and threw on one of the dress t-shirts that I only wore in Japan when there were no camera's around me, and some jeans and went downstairs and read my un-published Twilight book that someone hacked off of Stephanie Meyer's computer a while back and read that. I read until about 7:30 when my aunt, Tricia came down stairs from her shower and greeted me briefly and went to put on the all important make-up. Again I was alone downstairs reading my book. It seemed empty without the sound of my mother pumping and the clicks of the mouse on her computer and the sliding sound of her finger on the mouse-pad, on Facebook....
The clock ticked and there was still silence from the mama's room. She said earlier last night that we had to leave by 9:15 so we could get some B-ville for breakfast and still make it to the picture shop on time. If this was a regular day she would have been up nice and early to feed the baby and she would pump at put her make up on by 8:30 and this was weird because I knew that it was important to put lots of make-up for a big event like this and if I were her I would have got up earlier to spend the good part of the morning putting make-up on. But what do I know.
Finally I heard the banging necklaces that are the sign for an opening door in our house because every single one of our doors has some necklaces draped around them. finally I thought. It was 8:35 and i knew that my mom was going to be pissed when she got down so I should just shut up and read my book. But, it wasn't my mom at all, it was the Tom-Tom man (Thomas) and he was wearing his super plush white bathrobe that I envy every single time I see it and even when I don't see it. We greeted and than went back to out business. I suddenly realized that I needed a longer tie for my shirt, because the one my friend gave me a while back was really small and I had out grown it so it was more like a red, shinny bib that only covered a little bit of my chest.
Thomas went back upstairs and I didn't hear from him for a while but a few minutes later my mama 1 came downstairs and asked me why I didn't want to wear my red tie. I told her that it was to small AND i had out grown it so it wouldn't look really good when we got the pictures.
I am going to skip all the conversations that we had while my mom was doing her hair but in a nutshell my mom gave Thomas' designer ties and let me tell you, it was hot, and Thomas came downstairs and we got in the car with my aunt Tricia and hit the road to Burgerville.
When we got to the infamous Burgerville drive through I stuttered a few times and Thomas got all pissed at me and flashed me his watch and told me to just order the damn food and later he said he thought it was funny that I didn't order right away. Yeah, Thomas it really looked like you were laughing. The orderer person asked about every single detail of our order except mine and my burger ended up with Mayo on it. Grrr. When we were on our way to the photo shop we had this whole crisis about were it was and guess were it ended up being...Gresham Station. It was this little 900 Square Ft shop that had 2 photo booths things in it and on of them was being used by a family that had the cutest crying baby ever.
When we started every single picture i was in i was on the left side of every body and i was kneeling. And the photographer was a 2@#$% too and it kind of sucked. Sigh.
And it looks nothing like this.
Anyway, the morning of these pictures I woke up and threw on one of the dress t-shirts that I only wore in Japan when there were no camera's around me, and some jeans and went downstairs and read my un-published Twilight book that someone hacked off of Stephanie Meyer's computer a while back and read that. I read until about 7:30 when my aunt, Tricia came down stairs from her shower and greeted me briefly and went to put on the all important make-up. Again I was alone downstairs reading my book. It seemed empty without the sound of my mother pumping and the clicks of the mouse on her computer and the sliding sound of her finger on the mouse-pad, on Facebook....
The clock ticked and there was still silence from the mama's room. She said earlier last night that we had to leave by 9:15 so we could get some B-ville for breakfast and still make it to the picture shop on time. If this was a regular day she would have been up nice and early to feed the baby and she would pump at put her make up on by 8:30 and this was weird because I knew that it was important to put lots of make-up for a big event like this and if I were her I would have got up earlier to spend the good part of the morning putting make-up on. But what do I know.
Finally I heard the banging necklaces that are the sign for an opening door in our house because every single one of our doors has some necklaces draped around them. finally I thought. It was 8:35 and i knew that my mom was going to be pissed when she got down so I should just shut up and read my book. But, it wasn't my mom at all, it was the Tom-Tom man (Thomas) and he was wearing his super plush white bathrobe that I envy every single time I see it and even when I don't see it. We greeted and than went back to out business. I suddenly realized that I needed a longer tie for my shirt, because the one my friend gave me a while back was really small and I had out grown it so it was more like a red, shinny bib that only covered a little bit of my chest.
Thomas went back upstairs and I didn't hear from him for a while but a few minutes later my mama 1 came downstairs and asked me why I didn't want to wear my red tie. I told her that it was to small AND i had out grown it so it wouldn't look really good when we got the pictures.
I am going to skip all the conversations that we had while my mom was doing her hair but in a nutshell my mom gave Thomas' designer ties and let me tell you, it was hot, and Thomas came downstairs and we got in the car with my aunt Tricia and hit the road to Burgerville.
When we got to the infamous Burgerville drive through I stuttered a few times and Thomas got all pissed at me and flashed me his watch and told me to just order the damn food and later he said he thought it was funny that I didn't order right away. Yeah, Thomas it really looked like you were laughing. The orderer person asked about every single detail of our order except mine and my burger ended up with Mayo on it. Grrr. When we were on our way to the photo shop we had this whole crisis about were it was and guess were it ended up being...Gresham Station. It was this little 900 Square Ft shop that had 2 photo booths things in it and on of them was being used by a family that had the cutest crying baby ever.
When we started every single picture i was in i was on the left side of every body and i was kneeling. And the photographer was a 2@#$% too and it kind of sucked. Sigh.
And it looks nothing like this.
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