Dear Everybody...

Hello, everybody. I would like to start by saying that i will not be able to finish the pentology for my own reason's. I am very sorry. All I can tell you is that that camp was super fun. If you want to know more about it you can ask to in person.

2nd I will be taking a break from blogging until I am at my grandma's house in a couple of weeks. I just want to focus on my summer and my personal writing for a little bit, instaed of trying to juggle all these things. I suck at multitasking. So if you want to ask me something about my summer feel free to contact me about it.

See you in 2 weeks!

Disney Channel Shows and Movies... 7/14/10

I was sitting there, on my water bed, flipping between channels to find a show that would keep me occupied until the new "Mythbusters," episode came on. I set it down, at my side, satisfied with the summer league basketball game I had found. I watched the very interesting (sarcasm) summer league game for about 20 minutes when I felt an ache in my back. I shifted positions and found myself sitting on the remote control. I sat on the recall button and the channel went immediately to a show on Disney Channel called Wizards of Waverly PLace. "Jessica!" I whispered to myself, she had been watching something on Disney, while I was playing basketball. Not cool.

I had watched this show before, way back in the day when I only watched Nickelodeon and Disney. It was on at 2 right after Hanna Montana. I have to make a confession. Back about 2 years ago, I happened across a Hanna Montana show, and I liked it i guess and I watched it and before you could say "I got the best of both worlds," I was watching it every day. Eventually, grandma caught me and she never let me forget it. When ever we passed the Hanna Montana merchandise at Fred Meyer, she would say "you wanna get some, Eli?" *Shiver Shiver.* Wow, i feel a lot better now that I have gotten that out there.

Back to the point, I watched this show for a while and I was cracking up after about 30 seconds of watching it. It was hilarious... to make fun of, and so here we get to the point of this post. I am going to lay down the rules of a Disney Channel show, and maybe even past the show, to the commercials. This post is not different from another that I wrote, Eclipse. I am going to make suggestions and lay down the rules of every Disney show. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Wizards of Waverly Place, is a show about 3 young wizards who are learning the wizard trade. Every Wednesday, they have class, getting taught by there non-wizard father. Every week they learn a spell and what they shouldn't use it for, and than the middle child, Alex, makes a mistake and almost exposes the wizarding world to the... humans. Sorry i really wanted to say muggles.

1.) There is always a clueless character in it that makes it humorous so that people not only learn a lesson from the show, so they can laugh... and learn a lesson from the show. They say really stupid things that are only funny to 3 year olds, like "I use a toothbrush to get the mustard off," or Question "So do you like Little Women?" "Well, you know I'm not that picky." Example: Max, from Wizards of Waverly Place, is the youngest of the 3 siblings and everyone thinks that he is really stupid and he is. He was the one that said the thing about the mustard. Example: Zack, from The Suit Life on Deck, is the oldest of 2 brothers and Cody, the other one is really smart but Zack is really stupid, he is always copying answers off of Cody's tests, and he is also really unsanitary, like he ate a sandwich that he found in his underwear drawer and he hides food under his fingernails so that "I can have a great snack in when i'm hungry at school."

2.) The characters need to get something new that makes the problem later in the episode. It can be an object or a person or a spell or a machine or something like that. The characters will either get jealous of each other or they might get hurt or they might hurt someone and that will eventually make them apologize and they will become best friends again, and the object or person or machine or spell will be back to normal. Example: in Wizards of Waverly place the siblings learned a spell that could duplicate them selves. Alex wants to go shopping with her friends but she has a Wizard lesson that day and her father refuses to let her go to the mall or what ever. She makes a clone of herself and puts her in position so that it looks like she is listening and than she bolts so she can get to the store on time. Meanwhile at home, her father tells her clone that she can go to the store but her clone doesn't respond, since its just a dummy. So they go to the store and Alex gets busted.

3.) There needs to be a serious part at the end where everything gets straightened out and people apologize to each other and everything is fine. Example: In Wizards of Waverly Place Alex gets grounded for sneaking out and so she goes up to her father and says that she is sorry and that it was stupid and she says sorry again and than she hugs him, and which point I am on the floor crying because its so funny.

This has been "Breaking down the show," with Eli Hacker, see you next time.

Oh "Brother,"

We= Me and my grandmother.
Do you know what that is, right above this sentence? Of course you don't otherwise you would be blogging about it too. It is a piece of crap, is what it is. It is a useless piece of plastic that draws people in a than spits them out later. This might be worthy to add to the rip off list. Heck, we would put this at number 1 on the all time rip off list. I am going to sue Office World and Brother Typewriters, for giving me a defective typewriter. You hear that, Brother, you've been warned.

Yesterday, we ordered some ribbon to put in it so we could actually see the text. We were so happy when it arived nearly 24 hours later, on the front door step of grandma's house. We danced around and sang and of course praised the lord. We. then, got it out of the box that it was being contained in and went over to the you-know-what, and tried to see if we could take the other one out. First we took the ribbon the printed white, out of it and than we tried to take the cartridge out. We popped it out only to find that it was actually part of the machine and that we were supposed to put the other ribbon on top of it, not where it was. After realizing this, we sat there, wishing we hadn't done that.

We dedicated the next 30 minutes to trying to hook the thing back on the... other thing. We tried different things, including the old push'n'pull and using a knife, a fork, a toothpick, another knife, and last another knife. No luck, until I heard a snap from the you-know-what and grandma said "I got it." There's nothing like using your hands.

I got the black ink ribbon and snapped it into place, just above the other thing that I don't know the name of. It was all in place. We had the letters the ribbon, the snapper thing that makes the letters and, most importantly, the paper. I looked at my grandmother, and she looked back at me. We shared to quick prayer and than I sat down and typed one letter. F. And than I typed another letter. U. I pressed the space bar enough times so we could see the spot on the paper where I wrote those to letters. Nothing.

At that moment I turned into a bull and started charging at that typewriter, like a red sheet, all the while swearing my ass off... in my head, but all that came out of my mouth was "gosh." I fiddled with it for about 30 more minutes, but grandma had already given up. She went into the kitchen and started to make some Peanut Butter cookies. (Do you like nuts?) After 30 minutes passed by I indignantly walked into my room, sat on my sore ass and tuned the tv to channel 402 to watch some NBATV.

The Reunion (First attempted to be written by typewriter.)

Yes, at first I wanted to type this on my new typewriter, but than I came across the fact that it was just a piece of shit and would not cooperate with me if I bribed it. Yes, I got a new typewriter, not that I ever had one. Grandma got it for me a couple weeks ago and apparently "forgot," to tell me about it, because I seemed just "fine," with typing on the computer. Well, I have news for you, sister, I want to type on a typewriter. Typewriter; the longest word you can type on the very first row of your keyboard. It was a typewriter that was supposed to be able to erase your mistakes, but than I found out that instead of ink, there was whiteout. It almost inspired me to see if I could make a better rip off, though that is highly unlikely. So we went online and ordered some ink, to put in it so I can see what i am typing. I will start to write blogs on it, and maybe even some stories that you won't be able to read. Maybe me and my father could do a father, son novelist think like Anne and Christopher Rice. SPINE SHIVERING! SPINE SHIVERING!

Anyway, to the point, this last weekend was the family reunion for 3 different families in one back-yard. Yes you heard me right, they were going to merge 3 completely different family reunions. It's like a... 3 for 1 deal. Anyway, so we were there with 2 other family's that we didn't know. But the food made up for it. When I went to get food I saw some stuffing on the table, I got some and realized something horrible, under the stuffing there was a huge layer of crappy mashed potato's. Another rip off. But other than that, and the 8 salads on the table (Record: 9 at a wedding at the G-dale church) the food was wonderful. I ate my worries away. One of those worries was if I would ever recover from all the food i was eating. it all goes straight to my thighs. When I wake up tomorrow I am going to find camera's from "the biggest loser," surrounding my bed.

This weekend also made me feel like such a city boy. I found out that my grandpa grew up the Eddyville area. And all the tree's and stuff. All the people talking about how much they loathe Portland. There probably mixing us up with Cleveland.

The weird thing about the Reunion was that there was a history of it. it was always on the 2nd Sunday of each july and there was a treasury. Yep, thats right. There was a treasury... for a family reunion. That brought giggles to my face. Tee-hee.

Another funny thing is that when I went to sleep on Saturday night, at GG and Gramps' house, the bed was lined with plastic. okay sure I used to have a bed-wetting problem, but those days are behind me, and you don't need to make me feel bad. Gosh. Kidding I am kidding please don't take that seriously. All in all it was a big LOL. Oh my God, best rhyme ever.

A History of Goldendale,

Ladies and gentlemen, you always hear me ripping on how crappy Goldendale is and how small it is, but that is just because it is really fun to make fun of, but, I don't think that it would be, even a little bit fair, if I made fun of this small town without knowing any history about it. Today, when i woke up I had to goals in my head for what i wanted to to today. 1.) Watch where leBron decided to go (Miami Heat) and 2.) study up on the rotten, small, awesome town that I have called my home for the last 3 days. Well bucckle your seat belts and hold on to your Miami Heat caps, were going back to school.

[History teacher, Professor Hacker, stands in front of the bored classroom, and gets ready to lecture about his grandparents home town, Goldendale.] "I stand before you today, to give you knowledge of the outside world, and educate you, so you can look smart, in front of your grandparents at your family reunion. Lets get started.

In 1872 the town, of course we are talking about Goldendale, was given its name by the early homesteader John Golden. The Golden House is still viewable at Columbus and Collins St. in downtown Goldendale. In 1878 Goldendale became the county seat. Other early towns in the county were White Salmon, Lyle, Bingen, Glenwood, Dallesport and Bickleton, all still in existence, and all still have kept there really shitty names. Goldendale was officially incorporated on November 14, 1879.

Goldendale has remained the employment, business, commercial and banking center for the valley and, as the county seat, is the location for Klickitat County's courts and government offices. In recent years this small community has suffered from severe economic decline. After a local aluminum plant that once employed many residents closed, the small community struggled economically. The loss of tax base has taken its toll on the funds available for maintaining the city's infrastructure. In recent years there has been an interest in installing wind turbines that would generate power. While it has provided some jobs, this industry has not been the economic solution for which many residents hoped, and it is true that all 8 people that preside in this town all work there

In 2009, Goldendale was the site of the capture of an escaped insane killer, Philip Paul. That was the most exciting thing that happened there since the funeral where all the crazy people from Tennessee came and protested.

As of the census of 2000, there were 3,760 people, in the town, 1,515 households, and 963 families residing in the city. The population density was 1,592.6 people per square mile (615.1/km²). There were 1,690 housing units at an average density of 715.8/sq mi (276.5/km²). This next stat is really funny and it also shows you how much Goldendale hates black people. opp's was that my outside voice. The racial makeup of the city was 87.42% White, 0.21% African American, 4.63% Native American, 0.72% Asian, 0.27% Pacific Islander, 4.07% from other races, and 2.69% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 5.85% of the population.

There were 1,515 households out of which 34.4% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 46.4% were married couples living together, 12.7% had a female householder with no husband present, and 36.4% were non-families. 31.3% of all households were made up of individuals and 14.1% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.41 and the average family size was 3.02.

This next stat shows you how old this town is. I bet you all of the 65+ people go to Community Grace Brethren Church. In the city the population was spread out with 28.4% under the age of 18, 7.7% from 18 to 24, 26.1% from 25 to 44, 22.6% from 45 to 64, and 15.2% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 36 years. For every 100 females there were 90.6 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 89.4 males.

The median income for a household in the city was $26,030, and the median income for a family was $33,866. Males had a median income of $36,977 versus $22,289 for females. The per capita income for the city was $13,111. About 21.9% of families and 25.4% of the population were below the poverty line, including 30.5% of those under age 18 and 26.3% of those age 65 or over.

Goldendale is located within the arid area in eastern Washington known as a rain shadow, caused by the Cascade Mountains 40 miles to the west. Yearly rainfall averages 8 to 12 inches. This produces a landscape of open bunch-grass prairies dotted with sagebrush and rabbit brush containing the occasional juniper tree, while the more sheltered areas consist of ponderosa pine and oak savannahs. Overcast days are rare, occurring mostly in late fall and throughout winter. Summer temperatures can range well over 100 degrees, while winter, when most of the precipitation occurs, can see temperatures below zero, particularly in January. Summer thunderstorms occur intermittently, particularly in July and August, but due to high cloud bases, rain seldom reaches the ground in any appreciable amount. Lightning-caused range and forest fires are a common occurrence during this time of year, however. Spring flowers and green meadows and prairies make Goldendale a particularly beautiful site. Spring and summer can be very blustery since the Chinook winds off the Pacific Ocean are funneled through the Columbia Gorge. Fall tends to be almost windless, and the autuminal oak leaves add a lovely touch of golden rust red to Observatory Hill on the north side of town.

[Professor Hacker looks around the room, as if to look into the students minds, and than slowly walks off the stage.] This would be an appropriate time to clap. Don't worry, your roomate won't think your crazy for all that long, maybe for the rest of the day at most.

The Turkeyradio Times: July 6th 2010: "Local adolescent drives to grandma's house in far away 'christian' town,"

Column 1: Boy drives to town populated by christians.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable happened. A boy, age 12, left his home in Portland to go all the way up to Goldendale. The boy was not kidnapped or raiped, he just left Portland. Good thing "Turkeyradio Times," is here to bring it to you first.

Thanks, Mark. It all happened, about 3 weeks ago, when this young boy's mom decided to send him to his grandma's house for 2 week's before, returning to home and going to his Larry Steele basketball camp. Eli, the 12 year old boy, made lot's of sarcastic remarks about his grandma's house between then, and now, but inside he really felt like he wanted to go to his grandma's house. Sources indicate, that he was happy when he got there, so happy, in fact that he started to dance around his room, nerf basketball in hand.

Before he left to go to Goldendale, he and his mother and grandmother, stopped by the local plant shop to get some plants for there garden's. Eli, as you can imagine was not thrilled about it, but he stuck along for the ride, knowing that there was a "Whopper," in it for him afterwards. Sources indicate that, not only did he eat a Whopper, but he also ate a side of fries and start chicken nuggets that are supposed to look like crowns and some sprite. Mark?

Well, Staci, this boy must have been hungry because that's a lot of food for a 12 year old to consume at one time, not that I blame him. All that he had had that day was hashbrowns and egg's 3 hours earlier. The poor kid must have been starving. Back to you, Staci.

Thank you, mark. I am being told that on the way down to Goldendale, Eli and his grandmother listened to a cheesy Mary Higgins Clark audiobook. Well, thats all we have for now. See you next time on The Turkeyradio Times.

Column 2: Advice column.
Today's word of advice is this. Being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it.

Thank you,

Ho' Depot's and Adison Rose,

Last night was epic. Not a good kind of epic, just epic. First off, there was a big giant "BOOM," every 2 seconds and sometime the boom even shook the house. Second, I left my shades up so that I would be able to see the fireworks as I drifted off to sleep (with the faint vibration of the house every 4 seconds) but that didn't work out either, because when I closed my eyes I would hear fireworks and i would open them immediately and they would stop. At about 11:30 it really started to piss me off, so i decided to just start going to sleep. Let me tell you, people, I slept because when I woke up, it was 10 and Thomas was telling me he was going to work and my mom was going to visit the new might-be nanny.

I thought it would be smart to seize the opportunity and so I did. I stumbled out of bed and started to play my PS3 video game, 2K10. I started a new Myplayer (you make your own character and try to get him to the NBA) and I swore that this one was going to make it to the NBA and not get sent to the D-league (trash can or reject can.) I named him the stupidest name in the world. I named him Adison Rose. Yeah, that's right Adison Rose. I later found out that, that name was totally a girl name so I went to settings and changed his sexuality to homosexual. It worked better from there because if he ever got a go ahead bucket he would strut up the court slowly and file his nails, all the while flipping his hair.

This one really was different, because he was kicking ass from the moment he stepped on the court. I thought i was going to lead him all the way to the NBA and I am so close. He got invited to the Miami Heat's training camp (he was thrilled about that, they got sexy male models) but the first 2 games he played, he sucked Mario Chamers' balls. I think in the 2nd game he got like 9 assists 17 rebounds and 2 points that came from the free throw line.

When he got invited to the training camp, I made him get a bunch of tattoo's everywhere, and I added a really cool beard. Wish me luck, I really think I need it (lets review, trying to lead a homosexual player with really bad shooting and a bad uniform pattern to the NBA) stop it! (No you stop it!) Don't listen to him he- (No, he's crazy.) *Stop it, both of you!*

PART 2,

Mom decided that she wanted to get ready for our garden by making a trip to the home depot. I thought it would be really fun, what with all the lawn mowers and chain-saw's that don't work. Mmmmm toasty. I also wanted to go there to get some onion's because I really want to plant some for the garden. But my mom didn't want to get plants, she just wanted to get shovels and other crap like that. At one point I was on the ground yelling "Onion's, mom, I want the damn onion's!"

But I have to admit, it was fun to sit on the lawn mowers and pretend like I was driving. I would pretend drive like Ron, with one hand on the bottom of the steering wheel.

We also got some wood lining because she wants to make the path to our back yard full of bark dust and lined with those. I think that it will never get done but if it does it is going to be freakin' awesome.

Attention/caution: This post is a lot funner to read if you read it and listen to Goldfrapp's "dreaming," at the same time. Also this blog contains so much sarcasm, that the author can't be sarcastic for a few more weeks so don't believe everything you read. Again, good life lesson.

Writing in the library,

Today my father came over, as he usually does on saturdays. It started out with us just doing our usual things, arguing over who's phone is better, telling each other how mean we are, and hugging each other repeatedly. When I was playing video games, around 3, he said he was going to go. I said "NOOO!" And asked him where he was going. He told me he was going to go over to library and do some writing. I looked at Thomas and asked him when Tony was going to be over.

"6:00," he told me and than said as long as I was back by than, it would be okay to go to the library. I got some bus fare out of my quarter collection, and me and my dad left the house.

Not 2 mminutes into the walk we were already arguing about where the nearest library was. We both agreed that it was on Woodstalk, but he thought that Woodstalk was back in the Mt. Scott direction. I corrected him, and said that it was actually down on 82nd. He looked at me for a second and than said "your probably right," and we started walking.

It almost felt like driving with my mom or Thomas, because he was on his phone almost 50% of the time we were walking, and the other 50% he was telling me about how i didn't know how happy he was to have a phone. Every time he said that I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, followed by him calling me mean.

I am not mean. Well maybe sometimes I can be a little discouraging, but I wouldn't call it mean. I can understand why I would be mean to him though, because I had just spent the last 5 days with a bunch of dumbnuts that thought cake was made entirely out of frosting. Obviosly he has never had cake before.

When we got to 82nd we didn't know wether to go right or left, so we went into a plaid pantry and asked. I thought that we had to go right and the cashier confirmed that. Thats when I started yelling "WHAT NOW!" And "IN YOUR FACE!" To him.

Every single time we turned the corner i said that it was only going to be a few more blocks and in 3 blocks I would say that I was sure it was going to be after this building, and so on and so forth.

Eventually we got to the library, and we signed up for computers and waited, all that jazz. I think it is really fun to write someplace other than my house or grandma's. It is a change in apnosphere, and it kind of inspires me to write.

Note: The reason Tony is coming to pick me up is that me and him and Amy are going to go see the new Twilight movie, Eclipse, tonight and I am really excited. I will have a full breakdown of it either tomorrow or the next day. Sigh... i love writing in the library.

Wet-Ball!

Hello, reader's, I am finally back from my aweso- my basketball camp at George Fox university. I never thought I would say I was tired of basketball, but after that I might not touch one until my next basketball camp. Don't freak out, but I think, right now, I am leaning towards not liking basketball. I know! Here is my story.

Well there I was sitting on my couch bed, in my really small dorm. I looked around the room and took it all in. It was the first time I had really been alone all day, but it was worth it. My roomate was in the bathroom, taking a shower and all the other kids had finally stopped dribbling there f***ing ball down the hallway's. Before, I was laying down, trying to relax, but I couldn't, due to the bouncing of the balls.

My roomate came into the room and almost immediately turned off the light and got in his purple sleeping bag. I decided that I liked him. All the other people that I have stayed with at a camp have been the kind of kids who wake up at 7 without an alarm, and decide that they are bored, so they wake you up. I hate those people.

I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't at all. I couldn't go to sleep, so I thought about my day. We left at 12:30 and when we were on the road we listened to mom and Thomas' valentines cd. It was beyond sappy. We got to the main building at about 1:30 and we got into a long line, to sign me up, or rather to check me in. We went to find my dorm, and than found out that we had to drive to the high school because there was a bell choir staying in there. We dropped my stuff off at the dorm and drove to a gym that was at a different high school.

Once we got there we quickly found out that we needed to have my ball, even though the list said that we didn't. (flip off, flip off.) We than, drove back to the dorm and got my ball.

We were all separated into groups and I was in the 3rd one. Our group went to a big gym, right across from the one that we were in. I took a moment to look at all the coaches and coaching staff. For privacy purposes I will not use there real names. There was a really, really white one named marion berry. Now, when I say white, I mean, white. He was wearing his socks really high and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and his shorts were pulled up to his belly button.

There was a really fit one who seemed to be pretty good, a short one, and another short one, who was the one yelling at us at that moment.

I am not going to tell you everything about camp, just the general stuff and the highlights. The cafeteria was in the back of the main building and it was a really big room. We would get in a line and get a trey and some silverware. We got to get our own drink and everything, it was like a buffet. I thought that the food was going to be good, boy was I wrong. The food was basically freeze dryed grease. It sucked balls.

When we were in the gym, when ever someone would make a 3 someone would always yell out wet-ball. It got really annoying after a while. Every 2 seconds you would hear someone yell, WET-BALL!

That is why I named this blog after it, because it was the word that I heard the most.

The next cool thing that I did was on Tuesday night, we did this thing called intensity night. It is where we do all this work out stuff like push ups, mushroom hops, super-man's, mini holes, what have you. I got the best work out that I think I have ever had... ever! It was so intense. I sweat through my entire under shirt and I was so tired that after a while it was a rest to do push-ups.

The next thing I want to say is that I learned a lot at this camp, but I didn't really like it that much.

The last thing I want to say before this is over is that I thought it was only going to be a little catholic. Wooi mama. I was wrong. there are bible quotation's everywhere you looked and on the last night a speaker came and he made us ask god to save our mortal soul. Yes, we were forced to pray.

In discussion groups we were asked to say how god has effected our life and I said that i didn't have a story and I wasn't really religious, and the coach said that if I wanted to live my life like that, "so be it." I feel so bad!

Wet-ball!

Me and My Daddy,

I just want to start by saying that I will not be blogging until Thursday, when I arrive back from my, supposed to be awesome, basketball camp. I will share my journals and the feeling of having a real shower after 5 days of sweating. Do they have showers at colleges? I hope so because I can barely stand myself after 1 game of basketball. In the words of grandma, "Sssss!"

Today was the day where my daddy was supposed to come over, and he did and it was awesome. He got to our front door at about 10 and that surprised me because, on days that he hasn't partied, he usually gets up at around 1. He told me that his bag had gotten stolen, and that made me mad because he was writing a story that I wanted to read.

We were going to watch the world cup game, but I decided that I wanted to go play basketball, and my father followed suit. I taught him some of the basics, of how to hold the balls and how to dribble them and how to hold them, while your dribbling them. I have to say that he got pretty good, at least the way he shot got better. He looked like some people that i know who are pretty good.

When we came back in, the world cup game was on and so we watched that for a while. My dad fell asleep, and eventually got to taking a nap. He was asleep for such a long time, that I went out to play and than came in, watched television, and after that he was still sleeping.

Once he woke up, me and my father went out and started to haul dirt and we realized one huge problem, we had to much dirt, and when I say to much dirt I mean that we are going to have 2 cubic feet of dirt in our driveway for the rest of our lives. We did so good, we filled in the bed and now we are okay to plant onions. Yeah!

After that we started to wash Thomas' car, because my dad needed some money. It was so fun to spray that nice blue car with water. So cool.

After that we went down to plaid pantry and me and my father had a really nice chat. All in all it was a nice, last day before basketball camp.

Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House,

This is going to be a comparison of houses, a break down of the overall coolness of each house, a contrast of the 2 different houses. This is... Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House.

1.) At grandma's house I feel more disconnected from people, but more connected with the television. At my mom's house i feel like I am in tune with my inner basketball player and socializer, but not my inner television watcher, I feel like i am more connected with people, at my mama's house.

2.) At grandma's house, when we are watching television on the couch and all of a sudden a Yaz commercial comes on, she will change the channel and make a "Ssss," sound with her lips, the same sound she makes when she sees me playing Nerf basketball. At my mama's house, if a Yaz commercial comes on, than we will talk about how, if she was grandma, she would change the channel.

3.) At my mom's house I feel more free to express my inner diva and also my inner gay person (i am not gay, but everyone has an inner gay person,) i also can say "god!" Without getting the whole "lords name in vain," speech.

4.) At grandma's house I feel like my jokes are more of the simple ones that I told in 1st grade, but at Mama's house my jokes are ones that resemble Stephen Colbert. But not really because no one can be as funny as him. Just ask Thomas. Actually I think Thomas prefers Jon Stewart. Anyway, here is an example of me and Grandma's house: I could play nerf basketball all night and than, fall asleep in a little corner in the hallway. Mama's house: Telling my mom that my friend Robert thought that Tom Petty was in The Beatles. Now this joke wouldn't work with grandma because she doesn't know who Tom Petty is. She thought Neil Young was a basketball player when I told her about my expert project.

5.) Basketball; at my mama's house I can go over to the park, and play basketball whenever I please. But at grandma's house we have to drive all the way into town and play there, and I can only go once a day.

Day #3,

Today pretty much turned out just as I had planned at the beginning of the day. The only thing that really sucked was the draft. It was a whole lot more boring than I had planned. I thought that there was going to be this big draft conspiracy where the number one team traded there picked for the number 2 pick and everyone goes crazy. Turns out not, just an old guy standing there, behind a podium, with the back ground noise of vuvuzela's. And for all of those who don't watch World Cup Soccer (Fifa is a bitch) a vuvuzela is an African noise maker that makes the most annoying sound you will ever hear. It makes you double take whn you turn on a baseball game and hear a vuvuzela. You think "I thought it was the world cup, not the world series." Hahaha thats a knee slapper and bu-dum-sh.

The day started the usual way, I got woken up by the tele-marketers and helped myself to a nice bowl of Apple-Jacks. I deserve to eat food like that after living with my mom for 12 years. Though the other day we did go to KFC and thomas bought me a KFC double down chicken sandwich, but that was ruined when he told me that they grossed HIM out! That totaly sucked, because if a food grosses thomas out you know that it must be made of mustard. Eww.

Anyway, after that I sat on my brown swivel chair and watched countless NBA draft preview shows on countless different channels. I hated listening to the same thing over and over and over again so I tuned it off and played Nerf ball with my new red and purple ball that will probably be lost once i take it to my house. I did this for a few hours until I had a nice lunch of Hebrew national Hot-dogs. they get better every time I eat them. it almost makes me want to make a commercial out of it.

"When I say Hebrew you say National, Hebrew National go blend of meats, usually chicken, beef, pork, or turkey and then meat fat, oatmeal, bread crumbs, various seasonings, and other ingredients. They are then mushed together and put into hot dog molds. Store bought hot dogs are put into cellulose casings, but homemade are usually made of intestines that people try to caaal meat! That might not make sense.

After that encounter I went to the basketball court again to make my self esteem drop again because of the shitty rim that they put there. Grandma made me bring a water bottle this time so instead of drinking out of it i poured it on my head every few minutes to keep cool. No one was there gain today. i thought that they must have been at the pool, but when I checked with grandma I found out that the only pool in Goldendale in history was the one in our back yard. On the way home, while listening to our audiobook I saw the guy who I played basketball with yesterday. He gave me the head nod and me, trying to be as black as my white skin would allow, nodded back.

When we got home I laid on the bed, watching several draft preview shows. it really sucked, even up until the draft too. The draft was so boring in fact, it might still be going on. Oh yeah its still going on and it started at 4:30! Portland got this guy called Elliot Williams. That totally sucked.

just another old day in Goldedale...

*Caution* this post contains lots and lots of sarcasm so don't believe everything you read... good life lesson.

The 2nd to Last Day of School,

Before I start to rant and rave about how stupid the school is for making the last day of school next week, in the middle of the week, Just want to take a minute to say that 8th graders are really loud and that I hate August... hi August, I hope your having fun with your best Skinny Jeans award and satisfied with making my back hurt so much by plunging your shoe into it... all will be explained in good time, Reader.

Anyway, back to the point, some people imagine the last day of school as people walking out of school, smiling with there arms up handing out there pen and a yearbook for people to sign. Reality check people. Even though today wasn't technically the last day of school it was the PPS equivalent of the last day of school and here is what happened. As soon as the bell rang everybody ran out of the classrooms and started to yell at the top of there lungs. Holy crap where did my ear go. Oh wait I ripped it off as soon as David came over to me and said, "man this is great," and it was funny because it was actually the first time I couldn't hear David, but Dvid+other noises=Eli ripping off his ear. At this point I would like to note that, that makes me 1 more step closer to being a genius... like Van Gogh. Lol.

Let me fill you in on how all of this happened. In Japanese and Social Study's we were finishing up watching peoples videos and so that was just like anything else. Once we got to math we went immediately to Mr. Grooms room for a light bulb drop. This was rad because the day before we made contraptions that were supposed to make our light bulb be delivered safely from a 4 meter lift to the ground...our thing was so cool and we were so sure that ours was going to work but that, to will all be explained in good time.

When we got to his room it was all weird because the desks were gone and replacing them was 4 rows of chairs. It was like a giant ocean of chairs. I tried to get the best seat that I could but I ended up having to sit in the 2nd row. Mr. Groom was going to drop them in order of the classes that he see's so first 3rd period and than 7th and 8th. We were told that the peoples bulbs that were going to be dropped had to sit in the first to rows, so I had to give up my totally awesome seat to go sit in the back, where I couldn't see and darn thing.

The whole audience "woahed," when ever they heard the shattering of the bulb, except of course the group who dropped it. For them it was an emotional upset and afterwards they all looked like they needed counseling. I always went up to them and told them that it wasn't a big deal, but they always told me to shut up.

The time finally came for us to drop ours. We were so sure that it was going to work because we had a genius plan that the scissors would absorb all the shock, but obviously the bulb had experienced more shock because 3 or 4 seconds after it was drop we heard a dramatic shatter and than the popping of balloons... to bad. The rest of that was basically history and so we had advisory and than lunch and than we went to the cafeteria for the community celebration.

I arrived to the sound of justin Biebers hit, Baby, playing on the stereo and that was also the cause as to why I tore off my ear. I got a glass of water and began to sign yearbooks. The thing I said on the yearbooks was "because i'll be famous -Eli," and than everybody would be all like "pff, yeah right," oh those people will see. We were all rocking out to a B.O.B song when we were bombarded by a bunch of non-jmp d-bags.

We all looked up at Mr. Bacon and he said "oh crap," on the mic and than said "i am so sorry, I thought that I signed my name on the sheet," and than the teacher leading the other group looked at him like he was crazy. He told us to all meet up in Mr. Grooms class and so we all walked back to Groom's room and sat down. He told us that we all needed to move the tables out and put shairs out because we were about to have 130 people in 1 room and that is never good.

I chose a chair way in the back with all my friends and we started this puppy off.

We started off by announcing the winners of the citizenship award and of course my name was not called so i didn't get a poorly hand drwn picture of a guy holding a trophy with my name on it. Toooo baaaaaad. After that they started doing this thing called the "wacky" awards. They started to give out awards to people. Just to show you how stupid these were here is a sample. Best Swimmer. Best Handwriting. Most Crazy. Best Skinny Jeans. And August went crazy when he won that. He started jumping up and down and he was so pumped that he decided to come sit behind me.

He asked me if it was okay if he put his foot on my chair and when he did he completely jabbed it into my back. It was like this through the rest of the wacky awards and some of the slideshow until I moved. Some of you are asking why i didn't just ask him to move his foot? Because I can't just ask that to an 8th grader, it will make me seem bad and not help me be considered "cool" amoung there pack who they like to call, "the fresh boyz,"
.
After all that we put the tables back and unloaded our locker and than I began the trip to grandma;s house. Dun Dun Dun.... It began with Kayla waving at my grandma and my grandma waved back, a little creeped out. I couldn't blame her. When I got in the car she asked me if Kayla was mental. I said yes. F.Y.I she really isn't and if Kayla is reading this... um... anyway.

After about 20 minutes of driving and talking she hadn't pulled out the Mary Higgins Clark Audiobook out yet and it was a little weird. She than told me that it was in a hard to reach bag under all her suit cases and she told me it would be really hard to get. Remind me to never trust grandma again because it was so easy to get, that I bet Jasper could have gotten it.

Well we are all out of time... bye.