Disney Channel Shows and Movies... 7/14/10

I was sitting there, on my water bed, flipping between channels to find a show that would keep me occupied until the new "Mythbusters," episode came on. I set it down, at my side, satisfied with the summer league basketball game I had found. I watched the very interesting (sarcasm) summer league game for about 20 minutes when I felt an ache in my back. I shifted positions and found myself sitting on the remote control. I sat on the recall button and the channel went immediately to a show on Disney Channel called Wizards of Waverly PLace. "Jessica!" I whispered to myself, she had been watching something on Disney, while I was playing basketball. Not cool.

I had watched this show before, way back in the day when I only watched Nickelodeon and Disney. It was on at 2 right after Hanna Montana. I have to make a confession. Back about 2 years ago, I happened across a Hanna Montana show, and I liked it i guess and I watched it and before you could say "I got the best of both worlds," I was watching it every day. Eventually, grandma caught me and she never let me forget it. When ever we passed the Hanna Montana merchandise at Fred Meyer, she would say "you wanna get some, Eli?" *Shiver Shiver.* Wow, i feel a lot better now that I have gotten that out there.

Back to the point, I watched this show for a while and I was cracking up after about 30 seconds of watching it. It was hilarious... to make fun of, and so here we get to the point of this post. I am going to lay down the rules of a Disney Channel show, and maybe even past the show, to the commercials. This post is not different from another that I wrote, Eclipse. I am going to make suggestions and lay down the rules of every Disney show. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Wizards of Waverly Place, is a show about 3 young wizards who are learning the wizard trade. Every Wednesday, they have class, getting taught by there non-wizard father. Every week they learn a spell and what they shouldn't use it for, and than the middle child, Alex, makes a mistake and almost exposes the wizarding world to the... humans. Sorry i really wanted to say muggles.

1.) There is always a clueless character in it that makes it humorous so that people not only learn a lesson from the show, so they can laugh... and learn a lesson from the show. They say really stupid things that are only funny to 3 year olds, like "I use a toothbrush to get the mustard off," or Question "So do you like Little Women?" "Well, you know I'm not that picky." Example: Max, from Wizards of Waverly Place, is the youngest of the 3 siblings and everyone thinks that he is really stupid and he is. He was the one that said the thing about the mustard. Example: Zack, from The Suit Life on Deck, is the oldest of 2 brothers and Cody, the other one is really smart but Zack is really stupid, he is always copying answers off of Cody's tests, and he is also really unsanitary, like he ate a sandwich that he found in his underwear drawer and he hides food under his fingernails so that "I can have a great snack in when i'm hungry at school."

2.) The characters need to get something new that makes the problem later in the episode. It can be an object or a person or a spell or a machine or something like that. The characters will either get jealous of each other or they might get hurt or they might hurt someone and that will eventually make them apologize and they will become best friends again, and the object or person or machine or spell will be back to normal. Example: in Wizards of Waverly place the siblings learned a spell that could duplicate them selves. Alex wants to go shopping with her friends but she has a Wizard lesson that day and her father refuses to let her go to the mall or what ever. She makes a clone of herself and puts her in position so that it looks like she is listening and than she bolts so she can get to the store on time. Meanwhile at home, her father tells her clone that she can go to the store but her clone doesn't respond, since its just a dummy. So they go to the store and Alex gets busted.

3.) There needs to be a serious part at the end where everything gets straightened out and people apologize to each other and everything is fine. Example: In Wizards of Waverly Place Alex gets grounded for sneaking out and so she goes up to her father and says that she is sorry and that it was stupid and she says sorry again and than she hugs him, and which point I am on the floor crying because its so funny.

This has been "Breaking down the show," with Eli Hacker, see you next time.

Oh "Brother,"

We= Me and my grandmother.
Do you know what that is, right above this sentence? Of course you don't otherwise you would be blogging about it too. It is a piece of crap, is what it is. It is a useless piece of plastic that draws people in a than spits them out later. This might be worthy to add to the rip off list. Heck, we would put this at number 1 on the all time rip off list. I am going to sue Office World and Brother Typewriters, for giving me a defective typewriter. You hear that, Brother, you've been warned.

Yesterday, we ordered some ribbon to put in it so we could actually see the text. We were so happy when it arived nearly 24 hours later, on the front door step of grandma's house. We danced around and sang and of course praised the lord. We. then, got it out of the box that it was being contained in and went over to the you-know-what, and tried to see if we could take the other one out. First we took the ribbon the printed white, out of it and than we tried to take the cartridge out. We popped it out only to find that it was actually part of the machine and that we were supposed to put the other ribbon on top of it, not where it was. After realizing this, we sat there, wishing we hadn't done that.

We dedicated the next 30 minutes to trying to hook the thing back on the... other thing. We tried different things, including the old push'n'pull and using a knife, a fork, a toothpick, another knife, and last another knife. No luck, until I heard a snap from the you-know-what and grandma said "I got it." There's nothing like using your hands.

I got the black ink ribbon and snapped it into place, just above the other thing that I don't know the name of. It was all in place. We had the letters the ribbon, the snapper thing that makes the letters and, most importantly, the paper. I looked at my grandmother, and she looked back at me. We shared to quick prayer and than I sat down and typed one letter. F. And than I typed another letter. U. I pressed the space bar enough times so we could see the spot on the paper where I wrote those to letters. Nothing.

At that moment I turned into a bull and started charging at that typewriter, like a red sheet, all the while swearing my ass off... in my head, but all that came out of my mouth was "gosh." I fiddled with it for about 30 more minutes, but grandma had already given up. She went into the kitchen and started to make some Peanut Butter cookies. (Do you like nuts?) After 30 minutes passed by I indignantly walked into my room, sat on my sore ass and tuned the tv to channel 402 to watch some NBATV.

Ho' Depot's and Adison Rose,

Last night was epic. Not a good kind of epic, just epic. First off, there was a big giant "BOOM," every 2 seconds and sometime the boom even shook the house. Second, I left my shades up so that I would be able to see the fireworks as I drifted off to sleep (with the faint vibration of the house every 4 seconds) but that didn't work out either, because when I closed my eyes I would hear fireworks and i would open them immediately and they would stop. At about 11:30 it really started to piss me off, so i decided to just start going to sleep. Let me tell you, people, I slept because when I woke up, it was 10 and Thomas was telling me he was going to work and my mom was going to visit the new might-be nanny.

I thought it would be smart to seize the opportunity and so I did. I stumbled out of bed and started to play my PS3 video game, 2K10. I started a new Myplayer (you make your own character and try to get him to the NBA) and I swore that this one was going to make it to the NBA and not get sent to the D-league (trash can or reject can.) I named him the stupidest name in the world. I named him Adison Rose. Yeah, that's right Adison Rose. I later found out that, that name was totally a girl name so I went to settings and changed his sexuality to homosexual. It worked better from there because if he ever got a go ahead bucket he would strut up the court slowly and file his nails, all the while flipping his hair.

This one really was different, because he was kicking ass from the moment he stepped on the court. I thought i was going to lead him all the way to the NBA and I am so close. He got invited to the Miami Heat's training camp (he was thrilled about that, they got sexy male models) but the first 2 games he played, he sucked Mario Chamers' balls. I think in the 2nd game he got like 9 assists 17 rebounds and 2 points that came from the free throw line.

When he got invited to the training camp, I made him get a bunch of tattoo's everywhere, and I added a really cool beard. Wish me luck, I really think I need it (lets review, trying to lead a homosexual player with really bad shooting and a bad uniform pattern to the NBA) stop it! (No you stop it!) Don't listen to him he- (No, he's crazy.) *Stop it, both of you!*

PART 2,

Mom decided that she wanted to get ready for our garden by making a trip to the home depot. I thought it would be really fun, what with all the lawn mowers and chain-saw's that don't work. Mmmmm toasty. I also wanted to go there to get some onion's because I really want to plant some for the garden. But my mom didn't want to get plants, she just wanted to get shovels and other crap like that. At one point I was on the ground yelling "Onion's, mom, I want the damn onion's!"

But I have to admit, it was fun to sit on the lawn mowers and pretend like I was driving. I would pretend drive like Ron, with one hand on the bottom of the steering wheel.

We also got some wood lining because she wants to make the path to our back yard full of bark dust and lined with those. I think that it will never get done but if it does it is going to be freakin' awesome.

Attention/caution: This post is a lot funner to read if you read it and listen to Goldfrapp's "dreaming," at the same time. Also this blog contains so much sarcasm, that the author can't be sarcastic for a few more weeks so don't believe everything you read. Again, good life lesson.

Writing in the library,

Today my father came over, as he usually does on saturdays. It started out with us just doing our usual things, arguing over who's phone is better, telling each other how mean we are, and hugging each other repeatedly. When I was playing video games, around 3, he said he was going to go. I said "NOOO!" And asked him where he was going. He told me he was going to go over to library and do some writing. I looked at Thomas and asked him when Tony was going to be over.

"6:00," he told me and than said as long as I was back by than, it would be okay to go to the library. I got some bus fare out of my quarter collection, and me and my dad left the house.

Not 2 mminutes into the walk we were already arguing about where the nearest library was. We both agreed that it was on Woodstalk, but he thought that Woodstalk was back in the Mt. Scott direction. I corrected him, and said that it was actually down on 82nd. He looked at me for a second and than said "your probably right," and we started walking.

It almost felt like driving with my mom or Thomas, because he was on his phone almost 50% of the time we were walking, and the other 50% he was telling me about how i didn't know how happy he was to have a phone. Every time he said that I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows, followed by him calling me mean.

I am not mean. Well maybe sometimes I can be a little discouraging, but I wouldn't call it mean. I can understand why I would be mean to him though, because I had just spent the last 5 days with a bunch of dumbnuts that thought cake was made entirely out of frosting. Obviosly he has never had cake before.

When we got to 82nd we didn't know wether to go right or left, so we went into a plaid pantry and asked. I thought that we had to go right and the cashier confirmed that. Thats when I started yelling "WHAT NOW!" And "IN YOUR FACE!" To him.

Every single time we turned the corner i said that it was only going to be a few more blocks and in 3 blocks I would say that I was sure it was going to be after this building, and so on and so forth.

Eventually we got to the library, and we signed up for computers and waited, all that jazz. I think it is really fun to write someplace other than my house or grandma's. It is a change in apnosphere, and it kind of inspires me to write.

Note: The reason Tony is coming to pick me up is that me and him and Amy are going to go see the new Twilight movie, Eclipse, tonight and I am really excited. I will have a full breakdown of it either tomorrow or the next day. Sigh... i love writing in the library.

Wet-Ball!

Hello, reader's, I am finally back from my aweso- my basketball camp at George Fox university. I never thought I would say I was tired of basketball, but after that I might not touch one until my next basketball camp. Don't freak out, but I think, right now, I am leaning towards not liking basketball. I know! Here is my story.

Well there I was sitting on my couch bed, in my really small dorm. I looked around the room and took it all in. It was the first time I had really been alone all day, but it was worth it. My roomate was in the bathroom, taking a shower and all the other kids had finally stopped dribbling there f***ing ball down the hallway's. Before, I was laying down, trying to relax, but I couldn't, due to the bouncing of the balls.

My roomate came into the room and almost immediately turned off the light and got in his purple sleeping bag. I decided that I liked him. All the other people that I have stayed with at a camp have been the kind of kids who wake up at 7 without an alarm, and decide that they are bored, so they wake you up. I hate those people.

I tried to shut my eyes, but I couldn't at all. I couldn't go to sleep, so I thought about my day. We left at 12:30 and when we were on the road we listened to mom and Thomas' valentines cd. It was beyond sappy. We got to the main building at about 1:30 and we got into a long line, to sign me up, or rather to check me in. We went to find my dorm, and than found out that we had to drive to the high school because there was a bell choir staying in there. We dropped my stuff off at the dorm and drove to a gym that was at a different high school.

Once we got there we quickly found out that we needed to have my ball, even though the list said that we didn't. (flip off, flip off.) We than, drove back to the dorm and got my ball.

We were all separated into groups and I was in the 3rd one. Our group went to a big gym, right across from the one that we were in. I took a moment to look at all the coaches and coaching staff. For privacy purposes I will not use there real names. There was a really, really white one named marion berry. Now, when I say white, I mean, white. He was wearing his socks really high and his shirt was tucked into his shorts and his shorts were pulled up to his belly button.

There was a really fit one who seemed to be pretty good, a short one, and another short one, who was the one yelling at us at that moment.

I am not going to tell you everything about camp, just the general stuff and the highlights. The cafeteria was in the back of the main building and it was a really big room. We would get in a line and get a trey and some silverware. We got to get our own drink and everything, it was like a buffet. I thought that the food was going to be good, boy was I wrong. The food was basically freeze dryed grease. It sucked balls.

When we were in the gym, when ever someone would make a 3 someone would always yell out wet-ball. It got really annoying after a while. Every 2 seconds you would hear someone yell, WET-BALL!

That is why I named this blog after it, because it was the word that I heard the most.

The next cool thing that I did was on Tuesday night, we did this thing called intensity night. It is where we do all this work out stuff like push ups, mushroom hops, super-man's, mini holes, what have you. I got the best work out that I think I have ever had... ever! It was so intense. I sweat through my entire under shirt and I was so tired that after a while it was a rest to do push-ups.

The next thing I want to say is that I learned a lot at this camp, but I didn't really like it that much.

The last thing I want to say before this is over is that I thought it was only going to be a little catholic. Wooi mama. I was wrong. there are bible quotation's everywhere you looked and on the last night a speaker came and he made us ask god to save our mortal soul. Yes, we were forced to pray.

In discussion groups we were asked to say how god has effected our life and I said that i didn't have a story and I wasn't really religious, and the coach said that if I wanted to live my life like that, "so be it." I feel so bad!

Wet-ball!

Me and My Daddy,

I just want to start by saying that I will not be blogging until Thursday, when I arrive back from my, supposed to be awesome, basketball camp. I will share my journals and the feeling of having a real shower after 5 days of sweating. Do they have showers at colleges? I hope so because I can barely stand myself after 1 game of basketball. In the words of grandma, "Sssss!"

Today was the day where my daddy was supposed to come over, and he did and it was awesome. He got to our front door at about 10 and that surprised me because, on days that he hasn't partied, he usually gets up at around 1. He told me that his bag had gotten stolen, and that made me mad because he was writing a story that I wanted to read.

We were going to watch the world cup game, but I decided that I wanted to go play basketball, and my father followed suit. I taught him some of the basics, of how to hold the balls and how to dribble them and how to hold them, while your dribbling them. I have to say that he got pretty good, at least the way he shot got better. He looked like some people that i know who are pretty good.

When we came back in, the world cup game was on and so we watched that for a while. My dad fell asleep, and eventually got to taking a nap. He was asleep for such a long time, that I went out to play and than came in, watched television, and after that he was still sleeping.

Once he woke up, me and my father went out and started to haul dirt and we realized one huge problem, we had to much dirt, and when I say to much dirt I mean that we are going to have 2 cubic feet of dirt in our driveway for the rest of our lives. We did so good, we filled in the bed and now we are okay to plant onions. Yeah!

After that we started to wash Thomas' car, because my dad needed some money. It was so fun to spray that nice blue car with water. So cool.

After that we went down to plaid pantry and me and my father had a really nice chat. All in all it was a nice, last day before basketball camp.

Major Room clean-age,

I wonder how many times in my life I am going to have to clean my room. I realize that I don't clean my room as often as the average christian child, but when I do clean my room all the pain the comes when I clean my room weekly combines and makes one big horrible mess of pain. the only good thing about cleaning my room this time, was that my dad was there to talk to me and teach me how to make Shank's out of old twilight CDs that came with the book. Oh so much fun.
I woke up feeling like I was hungover. Which I pretty much was after the encounter I had on the road yesterday and also the encounter I had in the bathroom only 12 hours ago. 1 word... diarrhea. I hoisted myself out of my bed and hopelessly walked to the bathroom to clean my butt. Anyway, when I was done with that, I got dressed and went downstairs to find my mom pumping.
"Hey mom. Wazzup?!," I said, a little to enthusiastically for someone that had spent the last 3 out of 12 hours in the bathroom. I wonder how much time in my life I am going to spend in the bathroom. One never knows how much time they spend in the bathroom. Did you know that the average person spends 1946.667 hours in the bathroom in their life in the bathroom. I have already spent approximately 2987.37429062 hours in the bathroom. Or so it seems.
"Oh not much, son of mine," she replied with a positive tone of voice. Or surprisingly positive because last night we spent like 3 hours on the road because there was a traffic stuff. I was so bored I was reading the label on the back of the truck. I learned what a tare weight was. Now when I grow up to become a sleezy trucker I will know how close I can come to breaking the law with the weight of my load. Japanese will come in handy than because I can make the cop think I am an immigrant.
Anyway, I went to school so boring.
On the way home my mother told me that I had to clean my room when I got home no matter what. I took my glasses off and then I heard the door ring and it was my dad. We went to school and he sat on my bed reading selections from the first Library of Eli. He was reading my book, the book of Eli.
When I was cleaning under my desk I felt like a technician, trying to fix peoples cars but epically failing because 3 weeks later you find out that your client died because you accidentally put the grenade you were going to use that night to repair their car. And right now my dad is talking about how he wants to take my cousin, Spencer to the bus stop with a Carebear singing "The Fabric of Our Lives." Thats my daddy.