Disney Channel Shows and Movies... 7/14/10

I was sitting there, on my water bed, flipping between channels to find a show that would keep me occupied until the new "Mythbusters," episode came on. I set it down, at my side, satisfied with the summer league basketball game I had found. I watched the very interesting (sarcasm) summer league game for about 20 minutes when I felt an ache in my back. I shifted positions and found myself sitting on the remote control. I sat on the recall button and the channel went immediately to a show on Disney Channel called Wizards of Waverly PLace. "Jessica!" I whispered to myself, she had been watching something on Disney, while I was playing basketball. Not cool.

I had watched this show before, way back in the day when I only watched Nickelodeon and Disney. It was on at 2 right after Hanna Montana. I have to make a confession. Back about 2 years ago, I happened across a Hanna Montana show, and I liked it i guess and I watched it and before you could say "I got the best of both worlds," I was watching it every day. Eventually, grandma caught me and she never let me forget it. When ever we passed the Hanna Montana merchandise at Fred Meyer, she would say "you wanna get some, Eli?" *Shiver Shiver.* Wow, i feel a lot better now that I have gotten that out there.

Back to the point, I watched this show for a while and I was cracking up after about 30 seconds of watching it. It was hilarious... to make fun of, and so here we get to the point of this post. I am going to lay down the rules of a Disney Channel show, and maybe even past the show, to the commercials. This post is not different from another that I wrote, Eclipse. I am going to make suggestions and lay down the rules of every Disney show. Oh, yeah, before I forget, Wizards of Waverly Place, is a show about 3 young wizards who are learning the wizard trade. Every Wednesday, they have class, getting taught by there non-wizard father. Every week they learn a spell and what they shouldn't use it for, and than the middle child, Alex, makes a mistake and almost exposes the wizarding world to the... humans. Sorry i really wanted to say muggles.

1.) There is always a clueless character in it that makes it humorous so that people not only learn a lesson from the show, so they can laugh... and learn a lesson from the show. They say really stupid things that are only funny to 3 year olds, like "I use a toothbrush to get the mustard off," or Question "So do you like Little Women?" "Well, you know I'm not that picky." Example: Max, from Wizards of Waverly Place, is the youngest of the 3 siblings and everyone thinks that he is really stupid and he is. He was the one that said the thing about the mustard. Example: Zack, from The Suit Life on Deck, is the oldest of 2 brothers and Cody, the other one is really smart but Zack is really stupid, he is always copying answers off of Cody's tests, and he is also really unsanitary, like he ate a sandwich that he found in his underwear drawer and he hides food under his fingernails so that "I can have a great snack in when i'm hungry at school."

2.) The characters need to get something new that makes the problem later in the episode. It can be an object or a person or a spell or a machine or something like that. The characters will either get jealous of each other or they might get hurt or they might hurt someone and that will eventually make them apologize and they will become best friends again, and the object or person or machine or spell will be back to normal. Example: in Wizards of Waverly place the siblings learned a spell that could duplicate them selves. Alex wants to go shopping with her friends but she has a Wizard lesson that day and her father refuses to let her go to the mall or what ever. She makes a clone of herself and puts her in position so that it looks like she is listening and than she bolts so she can get to the store on time. Meanwhile at home, her father tells her clone that she can go to the store but her clone doesn't respond, since its just a dummy. So they go to the store and Alex gets busted.

3.) There needs to be a serious part at the end where everything gets straightened out and people apologize to each other and everything is fine. Example: In Wizards of Waverly Place Alex gets grounded for sneaking out and so she goes up to her father and says that she is sorry and that it was stupid and she says sorry again and than she hugs him, and which point I am on the floor crying because its so funny.

This has been "Breaking down the show," with Eli Hacker, see you next time.

Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House,

This is going to be a comparison of houses, a break down of the overall coolness of each house, a contrast of the 2 different houses. This is... Grandma's House Vs. Mama's House.

1.) At grandma's house I feel more disconnected from people, but more connected with the television. At my mom's house i feel like I am in tune with my inner basketball player and socializer, but not my inner television watcher, I feel like i am more connected with people, at my mama's house.

2.) At grandma's house, when we are watching television on the couch and all of a sudden a Yaz commercial comes on, she will change the channel and make a "Ssss," sound with her lips, the same sound she makes when she sees me playing Nerf basketball. At my mama's house, if a Yaz commercial comes on, than we will talk about how, if she was grandma, she would change the channel.

3.) At my mom's house I feel more free to express my inner diva and also my inner gay person (i am not gay, but everyone has an inner gay person,) i also can say "god!" Without getting the whole "lords name in vain," speech.

4.) At grandma's house I feel like my jokes are more of the simple ones that I told in 1st grade, but at Mama's house my jokes are ones that resemble Stephen Colbert. But not really because no one can be as funny as him. Just ask Thomas. Actually I think Thomas prefers Jon Stewart. Anyway, here is an example of me and Grandma's house: I could play nerf basketball all night and than, fall asleep in a little corner in the hallway. Mama's house: Telling my mom that my friend Robert thought that Tom Petty was in The Beatles. Now this joke wouldn't work with grandma because she doesn't know who Tom Petty is. She thought Neil Young was a basketball player when I told her about my expert project.

5.) Basketball; at my mama's house I can go over to the park, and play basketball whenever I please. But at grandma's house we have to drive all the way into town and play there, and I can only go once a day.

Day #3,

Today pretty much turned out just as I had planned at the beginning of the day. The only thing that really sucked was the draft. It was a whole lot more boring than I had planned. I thought that there was going to be this big draft conspiracy where the number one team traded there picked for the number 2 pick and everyone goes crazy. Turns out not, just an old guy standing there, behind a podium, with the back ground noise of vuvuzela's. And for all of those who don't watch World Cup Soccer (Fifa is a bitch) a vuvuzela is an African noise maker that makes the most annoying sound you will ever hear. It makes you double take whn you turn on a baseball game and hear a vuvuzela. You think "I thought it was the world cup, not the world series." Hahaha thats a knee slapper and bu-dum-sh.

The day started the usual way, I got woken up by the tele-marketers and helped myself to a nice bowl of Apple-Jacks. I deserve to eat food like that after living with my mom for 12 years. Though the other day we did go to KFC and thomas bought me a KFC double down chicken sandwich, but that was ruined when he told me that they grossed HIM out! That totaly sucked, because if a food grosses thomas out you know that it must be made of mustard. Eww.

Anyway, after that I sat on my brown swivel chair and watched countless NBA draft preview shows on countless different channels. I hated listening to the same thing over and over and over again so I tuned it off and played Nerf ball with my new red and purple ball that will probably be lost once i take it to my house. I did this for a few hours until I had a nice lunch of Hebrew national Hot-dogs. they get better every time I eat them. it almost makes me want to make a commercial out of it.

"When I say Hebrew you say National, Hebrew National go blend of meats, usually chicken, beef, pork, or turkey and then meat fat, oatmeal, bread crumbs, various seasonings, and other ingredients. They are then mushed together and put into hot dog molds. Store bought hot dogs are put into cellulose casings, but homemade are usually made of intestines that people try to caaal meat! That might not make sense.

After that encounter I went to the basketball court again to make my self esteem drop again because of the shitty rim that they put there. Grandma made me bring a water bottle this time so instead of drinking out of it i poured it on my head every few minutes to keep cool. No one was there gain today. i thought that they must have been at the pool, but when I checked with grandma I found out that the only pool in Goldendale in history was the one in our back yard. On the way home, while listening to our audiobook I saw the guy who I played basketball with yesterday. He gave me the head nod and me, trying to be as black as my white skin would allow, nodded back.

When we got home I laid on the bed, watching several draft preview shows. it really sucked, even up until the draft too. The draft was so boring in fact, it might still be going on. Oh yeah its still going on and it started at 4:30! Portland got this guy called Elliot Williams. That totally sucked.

just another old day in Goldedale...

*Caution* this post contains lots and lots of sarcasm so don't believe everything you read... good life lesson.

Metaphors and Simile's Gone Totally and Completely Wrong,

Today in my language arts period we were practicing metaphors and simile's to get really for a big project that we are going to be doing towards the end of the years. Yesterday we focused on metaphors and so today we get to work on simile's. If anyone that wasn't a teacher or a student was in that class he or she would surely think that the whole lot of us were insane. We said the stupidest things you could ever imagine. These are some of mine, that I wrote. Oh, and Lisa is one of my friends and so is Henry. Just incase you don't know.

Lisa was a cat purring on her owners lap, near a nice warm fireplace when she was told that she had finally passed Ms. Sullivan's class.

Lisa was more hyper than a high clown who has mental problems when she ate the donut Mr Seigel Gave her for her birthday.

My mom was an exploding volcano when she found out that she accidentally dyed her hair an ugly dark green color.

Lisa was a dark storm cloud when she spilled green and red food coloring into her quaker's Cream'O'Wheat.

My father was an exploding Mt St. Helens when he saw that his cat had drunk his Fiesta Margarita and spilled the remaining ice on the vomit colored floor.

Now this one doesn't make any sense just F.Y.I.

Henry was a stupid 12 year old adolescent with a Sacramento Kings hat on when he wanted to play charades with Milo and Eli.

Well thats it, join us next time on... to tell a simile.