Dear Dan Gilbert,

Many of you have probably heard about LeBron James decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers to go play in Miami with the Heat franchise. Well of course you've heard about it, they're practically putting it on cereal boxes. What you haven't heard is what Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert had to say about LeBron after he left. Please listen.

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

I hope that you are laughing right now, because if you aren't there is something wrong with you. I have decided to do right and to reply to this really bad letter here is what i will say.

Dear Dan Gilbert,

First off I want to give you a well deserved thank you for making it fun to watch Sportscenter for that last few days. I love it when the people read your letter and than make fun of you and than ask you if you are a big voodoo guy. LOL. But really I think that this is hilarious. Did you know that the Sportscenter people thought that someone hacked into your computer and wrote this to Cleveland. That means you've gone to far. If it was my choice, I would fire you and promote Usher to majority owner. At least his face isn't in the news 24/7.

Next I want to talk about how you said that LeBron had a "curse." Well you seem to know a lot about voodoo, if you knew he had a curse, why were you putting $25mil on the table to get him back. Come on, Dan. Now did you know that the NBA isn't very happy with this letter. They might fire you, or worse, maybe they will make you Majority owner of the Miami Heat. Let me tell you that would be funny. As my mother would say... LOL!

And if you think that your city is free of a curse you are wrong. *I CAN PERSONALLY GUARANTEE YOU THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL BE 15TH PLACE IN THE EAST AND WILL NEVER EVER SNIFF THE SWEET AROMA OF THE PLAYOFFS EVER AGAIN.* You can take that to the other bank. This is just a little piece of the curse over your really bad city. (Sorry I'm all out of insults.) Your team hasn't won a championship in any sport, in 42 years and your city has 4 professional teams. It's not LeBron that cursed your city, its just the way that God wanted it to be. Obviously God hates Cleveland and I can't blame him. Cleveland sucks.

My last order of business is that you can't blame LeBron, he left your city because he felt that he couldn't win a championship there. Not because he thought that it would be fun to break a few million peoples hearts. But I also have to blame LeBron, its just cruel to schedule a 1 hour special to tell your followers in Cleveland that you are leaving to go to Miami. And if you think he left because of the money, than you are stupid. He went to a team with practicly no cap space and is only going to get paid around 15mil. He didn't go to the Heat because he liked the city, he went there because he hated your city and becasue he has the best chance of winning there.

You have to give credit to the Heat, resigning D wade signing Chris Bosh and of course signing LeBron all on one team. The only downside is that they only have 4 guys on there roster, so if they can pull all this off, you are going to look like a big fool.

Eli Hacker
LeBron lover
Gilbert Hater

P.s... GO HEAT!