Eclipse,

It sucked! It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life, no joke. But, I have, even though it really sucked, it sucked in a good way that made it not suck. That means it was really fun to make fun of, afterwards. It was also fun to make fun of it during. Lady's and gentleman, this is Eclipse.

It started out with this guy, standing in the rain, walking home, and he gets bitten by a vampire. He turns into a vampire and than it fast-forwards 1 year. In the first movie, it was Bella who was desperate, she was the one who wanted to have sex with Edward, but now it has changed and Edward is the one who is desperate. The positions have changed. Here is a breakdown of all the characters.

BELLA: Is the most annoying, in my opinion, because if you were having a conversation with her she would never look you in the eye, she looks at your chest.. If she was a guy she would have red mark on her face from all the girls slapping her. LOL LOL. Also when she is talking, she stutters a lot, and when ever she stutters she licks her lips, shakes her head, and blinks a whole lot. She also swallows a lot. The only time in the movie when she didn't stutter in a sentence, was at the end, when she was telling Edward that he wasn't the only reason she wanted to be a vampire. She is also cares a lot about what other people think about her. She didn't want to marry Edward because she was scared she would be another one of those crazy people who got married right out of high school. Look, Bella, if your listening, just marry him, you love him and you are going to be with him for the rest of your life.. Okay? Good. Bella, also you need to take a trip to American Apparel, to get yourself some skinny jeans. You can't be 18 and walk around wearing straights. You also need to learn how put ketchup on hash-browns. You don't shake it and squeeze it at the same time. CHOOSE ONE!

EDWARD: There is not much you need to fix, but for you I would wan to ask if you own any shaving cream? If you do you might want to put the whole thing on your chest because every time you wear a v-neck, your hair is poking out of it like its drowning in your shirt. Okay and you need to fire your make-up artist because they are screwing up on your whole vampire look. You look like your being painted white with Beir paint and primer, but they put 1 layer in a few spots and 2 in the others. There are little cracks in your "make-up," on your hands. Just pass that on. It might be because the make-up artist hates you because all the other vamp's look fine. I don't blame her. You suck. In the books it says that vampires can lie so good, but I will refer you back to the first movie. Bella: "Where have you been for the last to weeks?" Edward: I was uh... *cough cough* stutter stutter um... camping." Come on that doesn't sound real. Why were you the only Cullen who went camping. Try this. Bella "Where have you been for the last to weeks?" Edward: Oh my mom broke her hand when she was dune skating in florida, and so I had to fly all the way over there to make sure that she was all right. You see me and my mother have a connections that my siblings don't have with her. I feel like me and her can almost read each others minds." Or "I'm a member of the Jr. Marines and we got called, out of the blue, to Idaho for to weeks. There was an opening in the gun range there and so we got to go there early. We also got it for cheaper because there was a discount 2 weeks ago." It's better if you tell details, because than it makes your story more believable.

JACOB: I want to ask him if he owns a shirt, because i never once in that movie, didn't see his 13 and a half pack. Thats all I have to say about you, dude.

I was telling all these things to amy and tony on the way out and this guy totally agreed with me. He said he was listening to our conversation and that I was totally right. One thing I want to say is that I think this is actually supposed to be a gay movie, a movie about Edward and Jacob's relationship. She hid it with girl/guy romance so that her fellow Mormon's wouldn't get pissed at her and shun her. I just want to put it out there. The next big thing on the cover of people magazine. "Stephanie Meyer gets shot by a fellow mormon, while worshiping Jesus at LDS." Just you watch.