Looking forward to the day ahead of me...

First off I want to start by apologizing about that video on my last blog, I had no idea that Fifa was such a bitch. Listen Fifs, if it's okay to play that video on Youtube it should be more than f***ing okay to play it on my blog! From this moment forward I am boycotting Fifa. Yeah thats right, Fifa you heard me, now NBATV is my new best friend... ha!

Anyway, before all that I wanted to talk about today. Today is the day of the 59th NBA draft and I am so excited. Portland has the 22nd pick 9not good at all) and I am hoping that they get that 6'11 Whiteside guy. I checked last night and it turns out that he is the 22nd most talented player in the draft, today. But we will see.

Also today i want to work on the story I am writing about a boy (based on me) who wants to run away. But don't worry I don't want to run away. Here is a sample.

It seemed highly improbable that a kid like me would ever come across the thought of running away, especially when his life was doing better. Maybe it was the sense of impending doom, in that my report card would be arriving in my Portland home soon. Maybe it was the sense that my life had struck the point where it was routine.

You hear some adults talking about how much they would give to have a routine life. My father, for example, he just got back from a business trip and envied me because I had a solid routine in my life. Frankly I think this is stupid. Why would someone want to do the same thing at the same time every day?

What I have learned in my life after all this was that it wasn’t really about what you do, it’s about what you don’t do or what doesn’t happen to you or something like that. As a kid I couldn’t quit grasp the thought of something happening because I didn’t do something. I seemed to think it all happened because of what did happen. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes.

I grew up in Portland Oregon and I lived there for most of the time. Every other weekend I would go up to my grandma’s house in a small lonely town called Goldendale. When I went up to her house it was very different from being at my mother’s house down in Portland. I got to do whatever I want whenever I please and, most importantly I had free 24-hour access to the fridge.

At that time I was up there for 4 days to visit before I went away to a Basketball camp at the very Catholic, George Fox University. The only thing going on in my life, that wasn’t pleasant, was that I was expecting a final report card before summer and I did not know the contents of it and in gave me an unsettling feeling at night.

I would lay in my bed thinking “it could have come today,’ and I mixed thoughts about that.
For one thing it could come and be horrible and my mother could hate me for the entire summer. On the other hand it could come and I could be welcomed back to Portland by happy parents and signs that said, “You are smart.”

It all hit me at about 9:00 when grandma and me were sitting on the couch, watching television. We were watching a really sketchy show about a girl who can see ghosts. I don’t know where it came from but I got the sudden urge to be free and to get away from my life. Again, it was probably the sense of doom that my report card might have just arrived at my house. Maybe not. Either way I was all of a sudden determined to get out of this house, to get out of all houses, to get out of the city or town, to get away from my life.

When the idea hit me I startled back for a minute and asked grandma if she would excuse me. Kind of sudden, I know but I felt like I had been thinking about it for years and I had just realized the missing piece to it. I did the rational thing and tried to calm myself down by watching some of the basketball game that was on.

My conscience knew it was a really stupid Idea but my smarter sub-conscience told my conscience that it was a good idea. I pondered why I would be having these thoughts. I knew how it would all pan out. I would devastate my entire family and one of them might commit suicide.

Yet, I still couldn’t get myself to think it wasn’t a good idea. Instantly in my mind came a picture I saw in a magazine of a boy who had committed numerous crimes, yet he hadn’t even reached the age of 15. Was I him? Could I be the next… him? No absolutely not. I was loyal to my family. If one of them asked me to jump off a bridge I might do it. (Depending on the height of the bridge and the temperature of the murky waters below.)

I would not do this. I would not kill the rest of my family’s lives just because I felt the urge to be alone, or free. I am but 1 star in the company of Heaven.

Some of you are reading this and thinking, “what a crazy guy, this can’t happen so fast,” but you are wrong. Let me demonstrate. If you are sitting on a park bench in the middle of the day, eating a sandwich and you happen to see the most beautiful girl you have ever seen and she sees you, it is love at first sight. This is not uncommon from what I experienced just 30 minutes ago. It was love at first sight for me, and that horrible idea. But it is forbidden love. I cannot love an idea like that if it hurts my family and people that I care about. Forbidden love, forbidden love.

I lay there on my bed looking down on the newly washed green sheets that my grandma just placed there. My mind came down to one question. Should I go through with it?

My mind came up with a decision that totally surprised me. I told myself that I would sleep on it and what ever I felt like I wanted to do in the morning was my future.

After taking a cold shower I tucked myself into bed and turned off the lamp. I was so surprised at how fast I fell asleep. I fell asleep at my normal rate, which is not normal when I have something on my mind. I am the kind of person who has to think about what just happened, the kind of person who has to analyze every detail of it, but I don’t talk about it because I have learned that people find it annoying.

That is just a bit of it. i will post the whole thing on here when I am done and again don't worry I don't want to run away, I was just running out of topics and this is a pretty interesting one. Okay?

After that I am going to have a nice lunch of Hebrew National Hot-dogs followed by a nice basketball playing at the park. Hopefully they tore out the old rims and put in new ones. Maybe that guy will be there again, today/ Who knows.

After that i plan to sit on my ass for 4 hours and watch the 59th NBA draft, and eat cake... yum.