What is With all the short kids that can kick your ass?

Today as I walked t the park I was eager to get all my energy out before all the rain came in and "rained on my parade." I could see the dark storm clouds in the distance, closing i on me, watching my every move, thinking "hahahaa we are going to get you Eli." It started to sprinkle lightly and i knew that my time was going to be strictly limited due to the cloud. I started to run to escape the rain and as i did, ever so slowly, it started to stop sprinkling and the clouds parted, revealing the bright yellow sun.

As I closed in to the park I could hear the sound of a basketball being dribbled and I thought to myself yes i get to beat somebody and as i turned the corner, that led to the hoops i saw this really short really white kid playing against this girl and beating her. I thought that this guy was going to be beat so bad that he was never going to come back her again. I did my normal "i want to play a game with you" routine. I walked over to his hoop and started to shoot. We make eye contact and he seemed pretty good, he made some shots and made a really cool through the legs lay up, but than things changed.

I went up for a jump shot and I air balled it. He looked at me and said "nice shot," and than he got my ball for me. I said "thanks but i bet you can do better," and he gave me a funny look. He asked me if i wanted to play a game with him and i accepted. He walked over to his friend who was sitting on his bike watching us and said that e should watch him beat the crap out of him. I thought that this kid could never beat me.

I did my normal pre game routine, i told him he could start and i threw the ball in his face to let him know that i meant business. He started by trying to distract me by asking a bunch of questions like what school i went to and how old i was and than i fell for his fake and he went in and made a lay up. I cursed silently because i had never won a game where the other person had scored first and he seemed pretty good, so there was a good chance that that record might still be there when i wake up tomorrow.

He went into the corner and made a really hard contested 3 with my hand in his face and i gave him the ball and we checked. To keep things interesting I started to trash talk him. I asked him how tall he was and he said he was 4"7 and than i told him that was 5"5 and he said that the bigger they are the harder they fall.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked after that remark. He said no and than he went in and made a lay up. Wow. Every time i play somebody they always fall for my humor and it distracts them and it makes the game easier. but not this guy. If i wanted to win this game I was going to have to go all skill on him. He shot a 3 and aired it which mean that it was my ball, but he said that there was no outs. I said yeah there was, and he said that we could do outs. At this point i was really pissed. He was doing the whole "even though we are going to play by your rules i am still going to kick your ass" routine and I didn't like it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key. I finally got the ball and so i was going to make something of it. I had noticed that he hadn't done any behind the back moves and so i thought he didn't know that move so I was going to try it on him. I drove to the right and got really close to the rim and did a pump fake go him in the air, did a behind the back move and made a lay up. Even though it was the biggest double dribble of my life he didn't call it.

He gave me the ball at the top of the key and we did the thing all over again. This time I drove left and did a behind the back move but he stole it and he did it fast like he knew it was coming. Man, he adapted fast. Now that I think about it he kind of did look like a guy that would have had no trouble blending in on the Borg Mother Ship.

A Tale Of Science,

Today, in the absence of Mr. Groom, us 6th and 7th graders did what we always do when we have a gullible sub... we took advantage of him. We started it out by taking lots of big, and long, random trips to the restroom and followed it up by doing it again and again and again.

The sub that we had today was the same trucker one as a couple months ago when Mr. Groom says that he was sick but probably was really in Reno or Las Vegas livin' in style. The first thing I noticed about him when I walked into the room was that he had shaved. No longer would he look like he belonged in a diner or saloon, but he still looked like a trucker. Thats probably from being used to the big giant beard on his chin. Just for the record his name was Mr. Fruhwirth (pronounced froowerth) I thought that that was the second most stupid name for a sub. What is the first you ask? His name was Mr. Sunken lol. After he left that classroom he probably quit his job, changed his name and moved somewhere in Canada.

Anyway, Mr. Fruhwirth told us to sit down and read the over head for the instructions. Oh great, we would be taking a test on Newton's second Law. It is so easy. I mean you can only quiz so much on the equation F=MA. There was one question that I didn't know though so I asked Milo and he gave me the answer. At this point I was wondering were Mr. Whatshisface was. When the test started he was sitting on the chair in the front of the class reading The ABC Murderer, by Agetha Cristie. I later found out that he was sitting on the table right behind were me and Milo were sitting, and he still didn't hear us... must have been a good book, good lord.

When I was done for the quiz I turned it in, but It was almost the end of the period and I didn't want to start something and than just put it away so I just got out the Science book and put my book, Dune, in front of it to make it look like I was reading the book but I was actually reading, and the 2 other guy's followed suit.

Metaphors and Simile's Gone Totally and Completely Wrong,

Today in my language arts period we were practicing metaphors and simile's to get really for a big project that we are going to be doing towards the end of the years. Yesterday we focused on metaphors and so today we get to work on simile's. If anyone that wasn't a teacher or a student was in that class he or she would surely think that the whole lot of us were insane. We said the stupidest things you could ever imagine. These are some of mine, that I wrote. Oh, and Lisa is one of my friends and so is Henry. Just incase you don't know.

Lisa was a cat purring on her owners lap, near a nice warm fireplace when she was told that she had finally passed Ms. Sullivan's class.

Lisa was more hyper than a high clown who has mental problems when she ate the donut Mr Seigel Gave her for her birthday.

My mom was an exploding volcano when she found out that she accidentally dyed her hair an ugly dark green color.

Lisa was a dark storm cloud when she spilled green and red food coloring into her quaker's Cream'O'Wheat.

My father was an exploding Mt St. Helens when he saw that his cat had drunk his Fiesta Margarita and spilled the remaining ice on the vomit colored floor.

Now this one doesn't make any sense just F.Y.I.

Henry was a stupid 12 year old adolescent with a Sacramento Kings hat on when he wanted to play charades with Milo and Eli.

Well thats it, join us next time on... to tell a simile.

IT CAME IT CAME IT CAAAAAME!!

Yesterday i got picked up by my mom after school and when I got into the small Volkswagon I had this growing suspicion that my phone had come and she was going to do something special to give it to me. We had our daily talk about how our day was and how Jasper was and while this is happening she takes out her blackberry and pushes some buttons and holds it in her left hand while she is driving.

I'm thinkin' what the hell are you doing? And than all of a sudden I hear this weird and funky ringtone that I had never heard before. The first thing I thought was that my mom had changed her ringtone and that someone was calling her but than she picks up this black phone from in the side of her seat and says "looks like your phone is ringing."

I of course go into a big fit and start saying "i love you," and "thank you," over and over and over again. She is smiling while I am saying this and than she tells me that we are going to go to the bank and she is going to make a deposit. And i'm thinking, yes! more time with my phone.

I absolutely love it so much.

"When in Goldendale... 2"

Everything starts when i go outside on a Friday afternoon, right after schools over, and find that my grandma, and her green little Prius, are not there. I will usually wait there and socialize with my friends and tell them that if an old lady with blonde hair coms and walks by say heck instead of hell and use the phrase, "oh my land a lot," but it turns out that grandma never walks past our group, which is good because if she walked passed us uncensored I would be transfered to Goldendale Middle school in no time.

We all socialize for a few more minutes and than I see Ella screaming and Kayla chasing her up the hill, that leads to were my posy is. It appears that she is holding a box with a barbie in it. I walk away slowly and dismiss it as the crappiest present you can get for a girl on her birthday. But than I hear Milo screaming as he takes a look at the barbie box. I decide that if Milo screams because of what is in it it probably means that I will crap my pants. I walk over there and take a look at it. It looks pretty cool. It looks like Ella's dad took it out of the box, pimped it out to make it look like Lady Gaga and than put it back in. I was pretty cool, i'll give her that, but it was nothing to be screaming over. I wave it off again and walk away, and than Milo walks over to me and asks me if I saw what was in the box.

"Yeah, its a barbie that looks like Lady Gaga, so?" I say and than Milo waves for me to come over and take a better look at the box containing the Barbie. I read the stickers on it and one says... "plus a free pair of Lady Gaga tickets for you and a friend," and I look inside the box, behind the Barbie and OMG THERE IS A PAIR OF LADY GAGA TICKETS IN THERE FOR HER AUGUST CONCERT AT THE ROSE GRADEN. OH MY... GOSH THAT IS SO COOL. All of a sudden I start to tell Ella how she is my best friend, a tactic I use when I want Kayla to give me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, at lunchtime.

Just than I see a green Prius pull up to the curb where the yellow school bus had just departed from. I silently curse to myself and signal to grandma to wait for a minute. I squeeze in another look of the tickets and I muse bout how Ella's father is not proud about getting the tickets to the concert, but how he is making a big deal of how long it took him to get the dolls hair just right. I chuckle while I walk to my grandma's car. I throw my backpack in the back seat and find my baby brother Jasper there and my backpack almost hit him.

"Be careful," my grandma said to me while I tried to maneuver my large backpack around my bothers big car-seat. I slam the door on him, still pissed that I didn't get to swoon over the tickets for as long as I wanted to, and climb into the front seat to find my grandma holding three different audio books in her hands.

"So before I sat your brother, I went to Borders and kind of went on a shopping spree, for audio books. I had already assumed that judging from the large back of colorful little boxes in the back seat, just below my brother.

"Oh really, thats cool," I said and I meant it. "Are they all Mary Higgins Clark or did you get some others?" I asked because I really didn't want to listen to another one of her story's again, especially if it was read my that person who I can't tell what gender they are.

"Oh most of them are written by her, those will be the ones we listen too," she said. "The others are just for me, when I am alone driving by myself." This made me very suspicious. The thing about grandma is that she is a very hard-core Christian, but she still watches law and Order and The Closer and "bad things" too, and that was what always confused me about her.

I nodded to her and she told me that we were going to be dropping my brother off at my mom's work. I asked why and she said because if we did drop him off at my house no one would be there to watch him. Thats when I remembered that Thomas started working Friday's and stopped working Sunday's. I liked it the way it was. Friday was an all family day and than on friday it was a manly day filled with 2K10 and changing diapers and random trips to the basketball court and bathroom....

I got out of the car after we parked in the Whole Foods parking lot (its right across the street from Woopti-do) and helped grandma get J out of the car and shut the door for her. We had a big fuss about how to lock the car. She told me to push the black button and HOLD IT DOWN but I said that the people from Toyota made it so you could just tap it and it would lock. Finally I pushed and HELD IT DOWN and of course it locked... damn you people at Toyota, you made me look stupid in front of my grandma, Thanks a lot.

When I entered my mom's hair salon I wasn't embraced my a bunch of old lady's like I usually was I was just... not greeted and not respected. I wanted them to all say hey Eli so that me and grandma could talk about it in the car to prolong listening to the audio book. The only person there when I walked in, besides my mom, was Khat and 2 of her clients, an old lady and a kid, who's gender was not readable. Khat looked at me and than nodded me off just as if I was someone who was normal. Pshh.

oh got to go. Tell you the rest when I return.

Awaiting My New Phone,

Hello, everybody. Well I guess I should start at the very beginning, for this story. Back, oh, about 6 months ago I got all inspired to save up enough money to buy myself a nice, decent phone, as apposed to the one that I have now... I never made it. At one point I had saved up $150, but that was when I started to buy a lot of Basketball autographs online. In between all of the autographs and sudden loss of money to my dad, I lost faith in getting a phone for myself.

But the story goes on... 6 months later, me and my grandma are driving up to her house and we are talking about Blackberry phones, and she asks me "hey Eli aren't you going to get a new phone this month," and from that moment on I was obsessed with getting a new phone to replace my excuse of a phone....

Me and my mom are on the couch and she looks at her computer and tells me that my new every 2 (when I get a new phone) is on the next day. I start to flip out because I am finally able to replace my phone. We look at phones online and I fall in love with an LG phone called the Cosmos. I am so exited to order it the next day. All I can think about at school is that phone. The qwerty keyboard... *drool.*

So people get down on your knees and pray. Ask God for forgiveness, since you are looking at something that you are not worthy to even set your eyes upon. Behold... the LG Cosmos!





And this phone will come in handy because I am thinking about getting a Twitter account and you can tweet from this without using the internet! COOL!

Birthday Party planning...

I know, I know. Its not going to be anyones birthday for a while but its never to early to start planning. Lately, I have been hearing about a lot of birthday parties and just birthdays, and it got me thinking. What if Jaspers 1st birthday was tomorrow? We would have an awesome party but what would the theme be? Oh I got it... we could have a party with a wooden spoon theme. We could decorate our house with wooden spoons and we could call the Ace of Cakes and have them make us a chocolate wooden spoon cake. That would be awesome. But if we think realistically that probably won't ever happen unless we come into some money in a few months.

And for my moms 29th birthday next year... I would... I don't know. Maybe I could give her a gift card to the beauty supply, or something like that.

I got nothing.

Sicky, sicky, sicky,

I don't remember how, but somehow I woke up in the middle of the night and I was sweating a lot. I felt the urge to get myself out of bed and get a glass of water. But I was to lazy and I never got around to it. I lay there and felt the urge to take a look at my clock. But I was too smart. I know that If I look at the clock, sitting on my bed-side table, I would never go to sleep because there would be to much pressure to go back to sleep.

I went back to sleep for a brief amount of time before I woke myself up again. My grandma said later, that it was probably the rain that woke me up. I knew that I would later regret it, but I looked at my alarm clock and was surprised to see that it was 10 till' 7. I lay on my bed for a little longer to get a little bit more rest, and than I got off my lazy butt and went pee. While I was going pee, an idea jumped into my head that Mythbusters was on at 7. I really liked that show, but it wasn't on during the weekend, while I was at grandma's and my mom wouldn't let me watch it without a fight. I walked out to the living room to see if grandma was awake, and I found that she was. I asked myself "who gets up this early," and than I started laughing really hard, realizing the irony of my statement.

I went back into my bedroom and got the remote off the top of the television. I carefully turned on the t.v and started watching Myhtbusters. Somehow, when I was watching it, I got to feel really crappy.

My head got real dizzy and it also started to ache really bad. My nose started to clog up and I couldn't breath. I felt like a dog because I was watching t.v with my mouth wide open... lol. It kinda sucked!!

"While in Goldendale,"

Goldendale is a small little town just barely in Washington state. The population of this freakishly small town is 3500 people! That is why I feel good whenever I come down here. I feel like I am adding to the population, making it a bigger and better town. I am confused by this little town, though, because when I am up here visiting grandma everything seems so... weird and set up. But when I meet natives from here that have been here for a while its like living in New York. They trash talk a lot and compared to my experiences here with grandma, its just a little bit confusing.

One funy thing that is going to be happening today, is that there is going to be a big funeral for somebody that died in the war. And as it turns out 2 bus fulls of army men will be attending. A lot of army men+family+singers+pastor greg+small church=total and complete awesomeness. But wait I'm not over yet. There is a group of guys coming down from Tennessee to PROTEST the war while the funeral is happening!!!!Just imagine coming to a funeral in a small town in a very small church with 100 people AND protesters in the background! I can't wait to see what happens.

Oh I don't Know,

Oh i don't know what to say right now. A couple of days ago they came out with the new blogs of note list... and mine wasn't on it. But I am still sort of a rookie in my long blog career. I plan to blog for my entire life. But don't believe it because I am not the type of person that can make a big commitment. Like if I sat down at my desk and said "okay, Eli, now its time to write the first chapter of your soon to be great american novel," I wouldn't be able to do it because some where along there the thing I said would wear me down and I would eventually say "it can wait for tomorrow." But if I take a slow steady approach to it, I can do it easier.

When I first started to write this blog I said that it was going to be one of "the greatest blogs of all time..." But now that I am actually a blogger, its not doing what I thought it would do... but it doesn't need to right now. But in a few years I believe that this will be a popular blog. But who knows? Not me. I don't know what the hell is going to happen. What would happen if my blog did become a popular one. Than I would have the feeling, whenever I wrote that I was writing for 500 people. Not just 8. Or I guess 9 because my mom reads it.

Thats all I can say for now...

WOOPTI-DO: THE PRODUCTION, PART 2

PART 2: THE DANCE. SCENE 3
ELI IS WALKING DOWN THE HALL TO GET TO THE PHONE, THE HALLWAY IS VERY CROWDED WITH ALL THE PEOPLE GOING TO THE DANCE. ELI GOES INTO THE OFFICE AND WAITS BEHIND 2 PEOPLE.
LADY#1: MAN, THE PHONE ISN'T WORKING.
LADY#2: WHY NOT? WHATS WRONG?
LADY#1: THE 9 BUTTON DOSN'T WORK.
LADY#2 WHAT? ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE IN CALIFORNIA?
LADY#1: NO WE ARE SUPPOSED TO PRESS 9 BEFORE WE DIAL THE NUMBER.
ELI: CAN YOU HURRY UP, I NEED TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT CALL.
LADY#1: WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT. THE DAMN 9 BUTTON WON'T WORK.
ELI: OK (CALLS MOM, THE 9 BUTTON WORKS PERFECTLY.)
STACI: HEY BABY WHATS UP?
ELI: OH NOT MUCH. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
STACI: OH, YOU KNOW LOTS OF BADNESS AND WORK.
ELI: COOL. SO GUESS WHAT?
STACI: WHAT?
ELI: WELL AS IT TURNS OUT THERE IS ACTUALLY A DANCE TODAY AND YOU KNOW... I HAVN'T BEEN TO ONE YET SO COULD I USE MY BUS MONEY TO GO?
STACI: UM... I GUESS YOU COULD WALK AFTER ITS OVER. WHAT TIME IS IT OVER?
ELI: ITS OVER AT... 5 I THINK.
STACI: OK CAN YOU CALL ME ON YOUR WAY HOME.
ELI: OH YEAH, TOTALY.
STACI: OKAY HAVE FUN, BABY.
ELI: YEAH, BYE.
STACI: BYE.
ELI: (HANGS UP THE PHONE AND STARTS TO GO TO HIS LOCKER TO PUT ALL OF HIS CRAP IN THERE AND THAN GOES UP TO THE PEOPLE AND GIVES THEM HIS MONEY AND WALKS INTO THE CAFETERIA, THE ROOM IS POORLY LIGHT AND THE MUSIC IS VERY VERY BAD. ELI GOES TO BACK OF THE ROOM AND FINDS HIS FRIENDS KENJI, ELLA, KAYLA, WILLIAM AND AKIKO THERE.)
WILLIAM: HEY... ELI'S HERE.
KENJI: WHER- OH HE IS! HEY MAN.
ELI: HELLO.
KENJI: IS THIS YOUR FIRST DANCE.
ELI: YEAH IT IS WHY?
KENJI: IT SUCKS! THE DJ'S ARE ALL POSERS AND THE MUSIC IS REALLY, REALLY CRAPPIE.
WILLIAM: YEAH THE OTHER ONES WERE WAY WAY BETTER THAN THIS ONE.
ELI: OH.
KENJI: YEAH, WE HEARD THAT THE SMALL GYM IS GOING TO BE OPEN UNTILL 5 SO WE COULD DO THAT IF NO ONES WANTS TO STAY AND LISTEN TO POSER DJ'S AND CRAPPIE MUSIC.
ELI: YEAH TOTALY LETS DO IT.
WILLIAM: OKAY, WE NEED TO GO AND GET THE BASKETBALL FROM MY LOCKER FIRST.
ELI: SG!
KENJI: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN STAND FOR?
ELI: SOUNDS GOOD.
KENJI: OH... OH! THAT MAKES SENSE.
ELI: (THEY ALL GOE TO WILLIAMS LOCKER AND GET A SMALL ORANGE BASKETBALL.)

SCENE 4: THE GYM.
KENJI: MAN, I KEEP FORGET HOW LIGHT THIS BALL REALLY IS. IT MAKES THE BALL GO REALLY REALLY FAR.
ELI: I LIKE IT! ITS EASIER TO SHOOT WITH A SMALL BALL BECAUSE YOU CAN GRIP IT BETTER.
KENJI: GIGITY!
ELI: HA!
WILLIAM: ELI, SHOOT IT.
ELI: OKAY (DRAINS IT AND WILLIAM GIVES HIM THE BALL BACK TO SHOOT IT AGAIN. ELI MAKES IT AGAIN)
KENJI: OH! 2 IN A ROW! NICE. WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO SHOOT THE LONG BALL?
ELI: WELL I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO SHOOT IT BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT IN FRONT OF YOU GUYS. (ELI MAKES IT 3 MORE TIMES AND THEY ALL PLAY A GAME)
DONE... FOR NOW... YEAH... GIGGITY

The Little Boy at The Bus Stop,

This is my record of all the times that I was sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to get to the stop and sitting next to weird people. Really really weird people.

February 16th 4:00 pm: I reluctantly leave my little posy of people that hang out in front of the school and go to wait at the bus stop. Every time I wait at the bus stop it feels like I am waiting for something that isn't even going to come, I feel like I should be walking to my mom's work instead of riding the bus. I get there and find my "friend" Chase there with this other guy that I have seen playing basketball before. He plays on the court to the left of the one that we all play on. He doesn't really look like he is that good, but what do I know?
"Hey, your that kid!" Says Chase.
"Yes I believe I am that kid," I said back and I kept glancing at the kid who was next to her. He keeps staring at me like he expects me to do something.
"Wuzzup," says the guy who is standing next to her, and he gives me the little high-five and fist bump thing and I hesitantly do it back. He seemed like an ominous character. I could imagine him being on of those people who try's to skateboard and than falls on his ass really hard. Haha! I also thought that he might have done drugs before. He looked like one of those people who pretends to do drugs and than go's up to his mom and talks about all those people who did drugs. "Mommy, those people are very bad... *sniff*!" He was wearing a dark red beanie. I had never seen him not wearing it before. I personally thought that he had a really big bald spot on his head that his mom cut off in the middle of the night when she got home from the bar's.
They're was a pause and than he got really close to me and asked me "hey do you smoke?" He asked it in a way like he thought that I already did smoke.
And so in a really funny voice I said back "no I don't believe that I have ever smoked before," and he started looking at me funny.
"Are you playin' with me? I don't like it when people do that!"
"Aww thats to bad, I feel really sorry for you."
"Hey do you want me to beat you up!"
"No I want to know how tall you are, your so short! Its really funny." He was also really really white. He was as white as this kid Will who goes to my school.
And than he pushed me and I quickly got out of the way and said "look it's the bus," and he got so freakin' mad.
It was really funny!

Mother's Day Slavery *cough cough* I mean Preparation,

Well to start it off, there's mother's day an than there is fathers day... but what about us? What about all the kids in the world who work all day long and help there mom's and dad's all day long... no! We don't get any appreciation. You see, in Japan they celebrate children's day on May 18th. The kids don't have to go to school, they get presents and all this stuff. But not here in America. Us American's are so blinded.
So, anyway back to mother's day. Right when I woke up I was thinking "oh crap, I need to make something for my mom before its too late." The last few years I have forgotten to get or make any thing for my mom and she always says that it's okay, and than she goes into the bathroom and cries all day long. Yes mom... I saw that.
Thomas said that today we were going to clean around the house to make my mom happy when she got home from work. I thought it was stupid because if I were Staci I would have seen this coming from a mile away, I would have been all over it. So when my mom left we got started. I turned on the tube to motivate us to work hard and than all of a sudden I got tired and so I sat down and watched t.v. I felt bad because Thomas was doing all the cleaning and I was just sitting there, on my butt watching a basketball game. I am a horrible person.
All of a sudden, out of no where I got my energy back, but I didn't want to clean at all so I went over to the park and played some basketball. I played pretty well I guess.
When I came back as usual Thomas told me to be quiet by shushing me and so I was quiet.
We watched t.v for a good part of the day, and than grandma and Marisa came over to hang out with the baby. I was so hungry, so I begged Thomas, on my knees to got to BurgerKing and so we did. Yummy.
So I guess it wasn't really slavery.

BOREDOM IN THE FORM OF HAIR CUTS,

SCENE 1
(ELI WALKS IN TO THE HAIR SALON) ELI: I AM HERE, EVERYBODY! (FAKE ENTHUSIASM)
MICHELE: HEY, ELI! (FAKE ENTHUSIASM)
ELI: HELLO.
SHIRLEY: (LOOKS AT ELI OVER HER GLASSES) HEY ELI (RASPY VOICE)
ELI: (NODS AND KEEPS ON HEADING TOWARDS THE BACK ROOM)
STACI: (WALKS INTO BACK ROOM AND STARTS TO MIX HAIR COLOR) OH HEY BABE, HOW WAS YOUR WALK OVER HERE?
ELI: UM... IT WAS PRETTY COOL. I WORE MY CONVERSE TODAY AND MY FEET REALLY HURT RIGHT NOW. (SHOWS STACI HIS FOOT AND MAKES A SAD FACE)
STACI: AWW PORE BABY I'M SORRY.
ELI: ME TOO. THE COOL THING WAS THAT I LISTENED TO MY IPOD AND WHEN A DRAMATIC SONG CAME ON I WOULD WALK REALLY SLOWLY AND PRETEND I WAS IN A MOVIE.
STACI: (LAUGHS) OH L.O.L.
JODIE: (ENTERS THE BACK ROOM) HEY EVERYBODY, OH HEY ELI.
ELI: (NODS AND GOES BACK TO UNPACKING HIS BAG)
STACI: WHATS IN THE BLACK CASE?
JODIE: OH EVERYBODY CHECK THIS OUT.
ELI: WHAT IS IT?
JODIE: I WENT TO THE APPLE STORE AND GOT AN IPAD.
ELI: NO! NO!
JODIE: WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD?
ELI: WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD? WHATS WRONG WITH AN IPAD? NOW YOUR GONNA BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WALKS AROUND WITH THEIR IPAD TO GET ATTENTION.
JODIE: I DIDN'T GET IT FOR ATTENTION.
ELI: WELL THAN WHAT DID YOU GET IT FOR?
JODIE: BECAUSE IT LOOKED COOL.
ELI: SO YOU JUST WENT INTO THE APPLE STORE AND JUSTGOT AND IPAD. YOU DON'T GO IN THERE WITH OUT HAVING A CLEAR PICTURE IN YOUR MIND OF WHAT YOU WANT.
JODIE: I JUST GOT AND IPAD... OKAY! (WALKS OUT OF ROOM... QUITE FAST)
ELI: BUT ITS ALL TRUE.

SCENE 2
(IN THE FRONT ROOM, ALL THE HAIR CHAIRS ARE FULL AND ELI IS SITTING ON THE DESK, EVERYBODY IS DOING HAIR AND IS BUSY)
SHIRLEY: (WALKS OVER TO JODIE) DO YOU HAVE ANY 6NN?
JODIE: NO, WHY?
SHIRLEY: I'M ALL OUT I USED IT ALL ON TASHA, MAN SHE WANTED A BUTT-LOAD OF COLOR IN HER HAIR. WHATS IN THE BLACK CASE?
JODIE: OH I GOT AN IPAD, YESTERDAY. IT IS SO COOL.
SHIRLEY: I DON'T NEED AN IPAD, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR IT.
JODIE: MAN, YOU SHOULD GET IT, IT DOES EVERYTHING.
SHIRLEY: SO? OH THATS MY CLIENT GOTTA GO.
ELI: (THINKS THAT SHIRLEY IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO PRETENDS TO NOT WANT AN IPAD, BUT IN THE BACK OF HER MIND IS SO JEALOUS.) (ELI THINKS HAHAHA! WHILE SITTING AT THE DESK AND SMILING.)
END OF PLAY... FOR NOW.

My Sleepy Little Mother Takes a Well Deserved Nap (She made me make that the title, just F.W.I)

Over the last 2 days my mom, I have noticed, has been picking me up from school really late. I mean, not that I really care all that much considering the fun the me and Russian and Kayla have taking pictures of our self's with her camera-phone and sending them to each other, but it's been kind of cold and wet lately and I've been looking forward to driving home.
Today, after school I got out and went out-side to find Kayla waiting their for us. I always like going to our spot after school because I am never the first one there. I am never the one who has to briefly stand there alone by him-self, waiting for all your other friends to get there. I am never the guy who all the 8th graders feel sorry for because they think I have no friends. No, I am not that guy. And I was wondering today after I arrived at the spot, what if I was "that guy?"
"Hey, Eli," she says. I nod and go to stand in my regular spot, just under Mr. Bacon's room.
"You know that Mr Bacon is going to be back from Japan, tomorrow, Eli," the Russian said.
"Aww crap," I said, while applying center of pal forcefully to forehead. "But I don't think he will actually be AT school, maybe he will take the day off because he JUST got back and he is really tired."
"Probably not," Russian said "he would teach the day the world ended if he had to."
Just than Kayla's mom's car pulled over and honked at kayla. She said goodbye and got in it.
I noticed that her mom's window was open so I thought it would be funny to scream "wait I thought that guy you were with got in the car to," right as they turned the corner, but I don't think that they heard me.
Shortly after that my mom's car came around and motioned for me to get in. I tried to walk as slowly as I could to the car so when I got in it she would call me "Slowy McSlowerson" again. I like it when she says that. We went to the insurance place to get me some new insurance, because I no longer had any. While she was inside the store I turned on the radio to Z100 and Me and The McJazzerson had A dance party in the car. At one point he got really P.Oed so I gave him his bink and we just went right back on Rockin'&Rollin'.... Oh L.O.L.
When My mom got back out from inside the... place, I quickly turned off the radio and put the bink in 105.6 smooth jazz's mouth so I would seem more inconspicuous.
We drove home and she parked in the drive way and told me that she felt she deserved to have a nap. I said "whatever" thinking that once she was asleep I could yell and wake everybody up.
She fell asleep rather (yes... rather) fast and so I tried to stealt the keys from her hands but failed and she woke up and scolded me for it and than she quietly went back to sleep. And all this time I'm thinkin'how the hell can you fall asleep in a car... I can't even take a nap in the middle of the day.
Once she was really asleep I moved my position and tried to open my door as quietly as I could and I succeeded, she didn't wake up or even move a muscle. I closed the door and she still didn't move at all. I thought that it was really funny.
I crossed over to the other side of the car and started making faces at my sleeping mother. I had to hold all my laughter in so I wouldn't wake her up, but once it was to much, all my laughter came out in one loud brief SNNNNOOORT!And she still didn't wake up.
I walked around the car and looked at it, and than I ran across the street for no apparent reason and than came back. I did this many more times and once a UPS truck almost hit me... AAAAAHHHH.
I spent the next 10 minutes just playing around and seeing how far I could run away from the car without her noticing that I wasn't there. I made it to the baseball diamond, about 30 yards away, but I was to chicken to go further than that.

So now we are about 15 minutes into the nap and I really have to go pee. I don't think that it would be right to wake my mother from her nap to get the keys so I just go pee on a tree in the back yard of the house.
When I got back from urinating my mom had already woken up and thats when it hit me... TAKE ONE MORE NAP!!!!!

Snotty Old People and Catching Up With My Reading,

The day started the usual way, my mom drove me to school and we argued about were she should drop me off. I say that my mom should drop at the school but nooo, she has to drop me off, like 8 blocks away.
"WE have had this talk before, Eli," she would say and I would feel like... like... well like... uhhh... BADNESS JUST BADNESS! AHHHH! JUST DROP ME OFF AT SCHOOL, LADY!!! Anyway, I roughed the walk to the school, feeling ashamed of myself, thinking why can't I just keep my mouth shutand frowning all the way there.
When I finally got to the school Russian was waiting. We talked about how the Blazers might get eliminated from the playoff's if we lost tonight's game. He thought that we might win but I was so sure that the blazers were going to loose, so sure that I said that if we won I would throw myself off a cliff (not a chance) but he was still so sure. No one else really turned up that morning and we rushed into the school when the bell finally rang and got our binders even though I knew that we weren't going to do anything with it. Maybe its just me being lazy but I hate carrying a binder around... I think that we should just have Cubbies in every class to put our stuff in so we don't have to LUG around every single piece of (BLEEP) that we get in the year. I swear I will burn all the papers in a fire this summer and just pour gallon after gallon of gas into it to insure that it will never EVER show up in my life again.
When we got to S.S class the bad sub was waiting for us again. We had a mixed class so on the trip we would only have 2 groups of people instead of 3. They did this so that they wouldn't make people commit suicide on the bus. We got out the computers and started working on our E.P's.
Fast-forward and we are getting ready to go. Me and Kayla and Henry are in our own little group in the back of the line. Henry thought that it was a good idea to jump off a hill with an umbrella, but all that happened was Henry injuring his ankle.
We waited at the bus stop and played a funny game called Sweet and Sour were we wave at people and hopefully... they wave back. We did this a lot of times: Wave=10 points Honk=20 points Police wave=30 points Police honk=40 points Police honk/wave= O MY GOD HE REALLY DID THAT!
The bus ride was really fun; everyone was "accidently" poking people and they were all getting really pissed off at us. Lol
Fast-forward again me and Milo got to the play and took our seats. They were on a really high balcony (at a play) and we were sitting next to these really snotty old people who seemed nice but were really mean to each other.
"Will you pass the water?"
"No get it your self, Herb!"
Sheesh.... I liked the play. though it was really imaginative. There were only 5 people in the play and it WAS kind of weird.
After we got back from the play we all just hung out in Ms. Sullivan's class room and we went insane it was so cool.
Way after school I went to my mom's Salon and really read a lot of my book. It was really cool.

Dear Somebody...

Dear Somebody,
I know that you are very busy, somebody, but I feel that I should tell you about my life right now. Why am I writing you a letter, you ask? Because I am so damn bored that crapping my pants almost seems like it would be fun right now. So anyway, on Friday my grandma picked me up from school, but she was very late because she turned left instead of right and she got lost, so she was late.
Me and my friends decided that it would be fun to call Mr. Bacons classroom and listen to his voicemail. It was a computer saying "hello" and than Bacon's voice came in and said "Matthew Bacon-Brenes?" Almost like he didn't know what his name was, and than the computer would say "is not available," and than all the options would come one. All in all it was a pretty fun idea. We did it over and over and over, and nobody would answer because Bacon is in Japan and his office was empty... oh lol.
In Seigel's class he read a letter (actually an E-mail that Bacon sent) to us and it was really funny because he would always stutter whenever there was a really hard Japanese word. "I am getting lots of... omriragi, what?" And than we would all say what it really was and he would be all like what ever and just keep reading until it all happened again. It was like reading a book about the rain cycle.
Lately, Somebody, I have been seeing lots of things about the NFL draft because my friend Milo that sits next to me ALWAYS talks about it. Whenever we get a computer to do research on our E.P's he always go's to ESPN and looks it up and he always vents to me about how he thinks that the Viking's should have gotten Tim Tebo, whoever he is. I don't care, now when the NBA draft comes around... thats gonna be awesome because first of all no one's last name is going to be Tebo and second of all it's Basketball and it is actually and interesting sport.
Since Bacon is in Japan we have this new sub that is really a b****. First of all she either takes a shower AT the school or she puts a lot of gel in her hair because her hair is really really shiny and smelly. I think she even laughed once too. Oh wait no she didn't. She is one of those subs that doesn't know what the hell she is doing so she burns people for no reason. I would rather have BAcon teaching the class than her. And now that she has been here for a while she knows what we are supposed to do so there is no "oh yeah we have recess right now," kind of thing. Nope. Back when she was a new sub we did that to her all the time, and she fell for it. Some subs are smart and actually know what to do... not her. Sometimes we get lucky though, when the teacher forgets to write the things that we are supposed to do, so we can trick the teacher all we want. Ha ha haa.
On Sunday we went to church and we learned all about how we are not supposed to keep the 10 commandments, but we are supposed to think about them when ever we violate them. I was so bored that I started counting how many times Greg said I believe (8) and started reading my graphic novel bible. Sometimes I think church is fun because now I actually know something so I can go be all smart in front of Thomas. I also kept track of how many times we prayed. We prayed 5 times in the whole thing, and at one point we prayed twice in a row. I'm no expert on it but I think God gets it! I could imagine God being like my mom, when people pray to many times he gets pissed and tells the people to stop praying because he gets what they are saying. I will ask my mom to play my PS3 and she won't say anything and I will ask her again and she will get a mad look on her face and tell me that she knows what I want. But eventually, praying will come through for me... like when me and my mom decide to go to a midnight mass at the church and and I am so tired. The priest will say that it is time to pray and I will fall asleep, will I am praying. Is that a sin? In church I learned something that really made me get pissed. So Greg said that if you sin in this life that your future generation's will be punished. I felt like I was in school so I raised my hand and than I took it back down again, but what I wanted to say was that everybody sins, so wont every generation be influenced by badness?
"Well no, Eli, it doesn't work that way," Greg would say. "Since I am perfect and you are a rotten piece of S*** my generation will be awesome and yours will be a bunch of Garbage-men when they grow up." And after that we would sing a song and one of the lines will say "... who saved a wretch like me." All those songs really hurt my self esteem.
Somebody? When things like that happen do you go talk to your health teacher... well we are learning about self esteem right now so... yeah.
This week we are going on a field trip to go see the play the chosen. Two worlds collide beneath the shadow of an ancient tradition when a young Hasidic boy knocks a ball right into the eye of his Orthodox rival at a baseball game between their two yeshivas. The batter is Danny Saunders, the brilliant hereditary heir apparent to his father Reb Saunders, the leader of an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic sect. The pitcher is Reuven Malter, son of David, a modern Orthodox humanist professor whose writings are hated by Reb Saunders. Danny's line drive puts Reuven in the hospital, but guilt draws him to visit, and the most unlikely of friendships develop.
Over time, Danny's intellectual curiosity about the secular world draws him towards the Malter family, where he finds the warmth that his father (who refuses to speak to Danny except when studying the Talmud) has denied. Then World War II ends, bringing the possibility of a Jewish state. A heated disagreement between the fathers about the nascent state of Israel results in Reb Saunders forbidding Danny to speak to Reuven. The silence between them strains (and ultimately transforms) their relationships to their families, their faiths and each other. As they each walk the careful line between their own dreams for the future and the paths their fathers have chosen for them, both boys discover that sometimes the most critical choice you can make is the choice...of a friend.

Freaky, right? So what do you think.

Eli Hacker.

To A Happy Earth Day,

Happy Earth Day to you, Happy earth Day to you, Happy Earth Day dear Eeeeaaarth... Happy Earth Day tooooo Yooouu. What? I felt that it was appropriate to wish the Earth a Happy Earth Day. The reason I remembered today was Earth day was that all the teachers in the school, besides Mr Seigel, wore these green faded "Happy earth Day" T-shirts with a picture of an owl saying "hoot," on it. And Mr. Groom made a big huge deal about and talked about littering and stuff like that. You're a science teacher, man. I wish that we could rid the world of littering, but more importantly I wish that we could rid the world of people over talking about littering and people writing books about how you can save paper... and those pencils that are made from old newspapers, that are the cheapest piece of crap I have seen in the whole universe.
Now, on to what actually happened on Earth Day. Me and my mom left the house, but not very fast because when we were about to get in the car I realized that I had forgotten my glasses, so I went back inside and grabbed my glasses and said goodbye to my little one. Earlier Thomas had posted some funny things on Facebook about how Chuck Norris was so afraid of... "the mage?" Yeah... ok I guess thats what he said. We got in the car and my mom quikly turned on the Kboo radio station and we listened to that most of the way there. I was making fun of it pretty much the whole time.
"And uhhhhhhhh why is it like uhhhhhhh that?"
"Well, the health care for women uhhhhhhh is not as good as with uhhhhhhhh guys, I don't uhhhhhh care what they say about it uhhhhh its not."
It was pretty funny, but my mom got sick of me saying uhhhhhhh and trying to imatate them so she turned off the radio.
When we got to the place where my mom drops me off I tried the best that I could to distract her to get her to actually drive me to the school, but it didn't work. She gave a big me fat kiss and afterwards I checked to see if any of my friends were in the proximity of ground 0, but luckily no one was there. Sigh. I walked up to the school very slowly for no reason at all. I like walking. It makes me feel like I am my dad, walkin' all the time and smellin' like Axe. Ahhh Phoenix.
I got to the school and me and my friends did our usual morning thing until the bell rang. 1st period was so boring that I could have fallen asleep for 10 years... my mom would be all like "you have 10 years of homework overdue," "I missed you too mom." We worked on our E.P the whole time and the sub was acting like a b****! My theory with subs is that they purposely try to get you in trouble so that they can tell the teacher that and the teacher will like them. They are so smug.
In Math class we played a math game and we were supposed to tell what % we had of winning the game. They're was a 51.5% chance for player B to win and a 48.%% chance of player A to win the game. In the end of the class i got up on Ms. Sullivan's stool and imitated her saying hi I'm Ms. Sullivan, and I did it with her game show host voice.
At lunch recess we were all playing basketball and stuff, and so i went up for a shot and I landed funny (made the shot) and Kenji hem hem "accidently" landed on me too. I twisted my ankle really bad. But the cool thing was that after that I didn't shoot I just passed it and I came out of the game with like 8 assists. I limped over to health class and learned about the male reproductive system. So much fun.
I limped over to science and we did this thing were we have to make the Velocity match what it is on the paper. I totally screwed up because the line was going up, not down. Later I learned that to make the line go down one must walk TOWARDS the motion detector. Ahh that makes sense.
In Language Arts we talked about the play we are going to go see next week called The Chosen.

THE END

The Mornings A.K.A FLIPPING AWESOMENESS!

Every morning before school starts I usually hang out in front of the school. When I get there I just chill alone for awhile and than Milo comes with his really big blue jacket that used to belong to his sister, and than Kenji will come in his green and white bug. Afterwards my friend Russian (Nicholas) will come and crack some funny joke about how he screwed up on his video game and killed himself and we will all pretend to laugh. Hahahaha, and than Henry will come with his blinding blue skinny jeans and I will hide behind Russian and scream ahh I'm blind Ahhh! After Henry William will come with HIS blue skinny jeans and I will hide behind Russian again and even louder I will scream AHHH I am BLIIIIIND!
We will all hang out there for a while and talk about each others blogs. Mine by far is the most popular ad than Russian made one called My L!fe As A Tweenage Russian. don't mind that he stole my name but he stole the ! for an I... not cool Russian.
After we talk about this we will move on to talk about how stupid Henry and Williams pants look on them followed by an AHHH I'M BLIND from me.
Now what will happen is Jullian and Owen will get off of the school bus and come to were we are standing.
Jullian will come up to us and say "rero," and we will say "what?" And he will say "hello!" and than we will all get it and say ohh. Owen will come up and show us all the books he is reading and talk a lot about Agatha Cristy, because that is who he is doing his E.P on. Afterward one of us will say something funny and Owen will laugh revealing his Grand Canyon Dimples. hahaha,and than one of us will notice it and make fun of him for it and he will get all anoyed with us and leave. But sometimes he just says stop it and walks on the other side of the tree... and than he will come back and get back into the conversation.
By this point school is about to start so we all get ready to go inside, but than Robert comes riding over to us on his bike and asks us if we can see if he spilled coffee on himself. Than he will wipe out his donuts and start eating them infront of us really slowly. And than the bell rings and we all go inside.

This is my morning...

A Nice Little Stroll Through the City Of Roses,

Lately I have been thinking about the question "if a tree in the middle of a Forrest falls down and nobody is there, does it make a sound?" My answers have varied a lot lately. In March I thought that it didn't because hearing is something that only humans and animals can do, so if nobody was there it wouldn't make a sound. But now I think that it does because It doesn't matter if nobody is there, if a tree falls it is going to make a hell of a lot of sound. What does everybody think.
Anyway back to recording my life... on Friday i had a nice little day at school. Mr. Bacon was talking to us about our E.P's and how important it was and how it is like 99% of our 4th quarter grade. It turns out that he is going to be going to Japan while we work on our E.P's. I feel really bad now because all the 8th graders get to take 3 weeks off of school to go to Japan. Last year we did it 6 days after school was over. Anyway, we all said goodbye, pretending that we were gong to miss him, when secretly when we got out of the class we started dancing.
In Social Study's we had a sub because our S.S teacher was away at a meeting with Mr. Seigel. We took the Kanji test and everyone took advantage of this and started chewing there gum like crazy. All i heard through that class, besides our sub b****ing away was the sound of gum being chewed really loudly. And the weird thing was that the sub didn't even notice it. At one point we were all trying to chew as loud as we possibly could and she still turned around and looked at the class with a happy look on her face... ah, it feels so good to be taken advantage of.
Math was really, really boring but we did learn how to calculate the volume of a sphere. And lately for our warm up we have had to write instead of just answering the question she asks you. it is scared in my brain V=4/3times3.1415927timesRtimesRtimesR. Uhh. I personally think that our Math teacher should be a host on a talk show, because she always talks in that kind of voice whenever she is telling you directions on a test.
In Science we were doing this thing called walk the line graph and it is like were there is a graph on the computer and we have to walk it, using a motion detector. It was pretty sucky because in my group was Will, the most self centered son of a gun ever.

AFTER SCHOOL:
I got out of school and I was putting my hands in my pockets, looking for my bus money. Not there, not there, not there... not there. Were was my money? I texted my mom and told her about my money problem and she said "okay." I asked what I should do? She didn't know what I was talking about and so I told her on the phone and than she understood what was happening. She told me to start walking on stark. But I didn't know stark all that well so i decided to walk down to her shop on Burnside and so I took of my sweatshirt, put on my Ipod and started walking. I felt like someone in a movie with all the dramatic music and the head twitching and the slow walking. I felt pretty good because I was actually alone and there was no one with me. I also felt like my dad, all walking and walking... and walking.

MY THOUGHTS LATELY:
OMG the blazers are going to the playoffs.
Baseball isn't all that fun.
The pitcher for the Giants looks like a glitched video game.
I am getting better at basketball.
I love my daddy.
WEEEH!

Eli's List Of Things That He Loves,

1.) I love the watermelon flavored Tootsie Pops because they don't taste like watermelon at all they taste more like tart sugar with a little bit of chocolate in the middle.

2.) I love the sound of my mom washing my hair at her salon, it sounds like someone is sprinkling a little bucket of water in to a big lake and there is a momentary silence when it happens so it calms you down.

3.) I love going out to play basketball and than coming back and ringing the doorbell on our door and pretending I am from the Jehovah's Witnesses because it makes me and my mom laugh... LOL.

4.) I love driving to school with Thomas because it is so quiet and we get to listen to a sports radio station.

5.) I love cleaning my room with my dad because he makes me laugh and teaches me things that I otherwise wouldn't have known a damn thing about, like making a shank.

6.) I love the feeling that you get when you see your bus coming and you are getting ready to get on it, because you no longer have to sit on the forsaken bench of the stop, no longer do you have to watch for the bus, for know... the bus is here. YEAH!

7.) I love the look on the face of my brother when he is surprised after a big sound.

8.) I love paper packages addressed to me.

Vladmere the Elephant,

This is a story that me and my friend Henry wrote (more me than him) in Advisory at school. We were bored so we decided to pick up on a story that we had started writing a couple weeks earlier but we couldn't finish it because our Math teacher said it wasn't considered "school work."
Watch this get published Ms. Sullivan!

Part 1: The Big Shower,
Once upon a time way back in the 1930's there lived an Elephant named Vladmere. At first glance you would think he was a nice, happy Elephant, but at first smell you might think differently.
Vladmere was a very stinky Elephant to say it in a short way.
"You are so stinky," says his best friend Jimmy.
"I know I stink," said Vladmere in a very dejected voice, "what should I do?"
"You should go take a shower," said his girlfriend Fallen. So Vladmere went and took a shower. He turned on the water and used his Axe shower gel... but he still stunk.
"I trusted you Axe Shower Gel," he screamed at his shower gel....
After this he went to his other friend Todd.
"What should I do, Todd?" Vladmere asked.
"You need to go to the BIG SHOWER," Todd replied.
"What's that?" Vladmere asked.
"It makes everybody clean,"Todd said.
All of a sudden a bunch of Russian Helicopters dropped out of the clouds, picked Vladmere up using a new grapple technology, and flew away.
"AHHHHHH!" Vladmere screamed, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
"You know what's happening to you," one of the Russians said, "you were trying to go to our secret hanger, code name... the BIG SHOWER."
"NOOOOO!"
"And so now we are going to take you to a camp," the russian said.
"A... a... a... camp?"
"Not just any camp a... a... concentration camp." At this point Vladmere was piss-his-pants scared.
Once they landed they un-hooked Vladmere and dragged him into the concentration camp... zoo.
"Were are we?" Vladmere asked as he was being dragged.
"In Siberia," one Russian said. They pushed Vladmere into his stall and left him there. Vladmere noticed that there was a computer in his stall, so he thought it was a good time to check his Facebook.
He posted a status update saying:
Vladmere Todd: is trapped in a concentration camp zoo lol. But all the Russians were checking there Facebook too and they thought Vladmer Todd was sending a distress call.

Back in Vladmere's stall.
Vladmere decided that he wanted to friend Stalin on Facebook so that maybe Stalin would like him and let him go to the BIG SHOWER. So he did and he regretted it.

My Memoirs,

CHAPTER 1: LIFE IN THE WOMB,
I knew from day 1 that I was a Blazer fan. From that first moment that I was conceived, oh so long ago, I knew why I was put on this Earth... to root for THE HOME TEAM! I could feel my mother changing the channels, and I kicked and I kicked, I wanted her to give me the remote, so I could change the channel and listen to all the fans root.
Even though our team was still far away from the championship that they are going to win this season, they were still the blazers, NAY, they were MY Blazers, they weren't anyone else's but a small child that wasn't even born yet.
I spent the rest of the 9 months of my life in agony, missing all of the regular season and playoff's. The only moment when I felt good was one moment in october when my daddy said:
"Man those blazers seem like they are doing good!" YES! Finally, it happened i was officially a fan of the blazers.
About 2 months later I could feel that it was time to leave the warm womb of my mother. So I did, but I cried and cried and cried... because we were missing a Blazer game.
"WAH! WAH!," I would scream, but all my mom did was put me in this soft blanket and rock me. I hope that this Hospital has a t.v in the room otherwise I would scream and cry and cry and scream.
Little did I know that I wouldn't see a Blazer game for 11 more years. Eventually I forgot it and I went through fazes of Soccer (AHHH) and baseball (Mhaah...ahh)
But 11 years later I got what I wanted a Blazer game, and it was even in the Playoffs. We lost the round and I didn't get to watch Basketball for 30 more weeks... sniffle... and on that opening day I was so happy.
I am a Blazer fan.

CHAPTER 2: MY LIFE ASIDE FROM BASKETBALL,
Um... I go to school and... um... oh ya... I love my mom and dad... um... yeah.

Woopti-do Log A.K.A The Most Boring Time of my 12 Years Of Life!

Every Wednesday and Thursday I ride the bus down to 28th and Burnside to hangout at my mom's shop. Now, sometimes I actually have something to do, like read a book or do my homework. But this week would be the worst. This week made me believe in Karma because when I get out of school to go to the bus stop, the bus was already there and I had to yell to someone to hold it for me.
"Hey!? WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING IT UP FOR ME?"
"Nnnn!"
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"NNNNN!"
And than the broken walk sign would turn on and I would run across the street hearing the walk sign say:
"ksinon... ksinon... Ksinon."
When I got to the other side of the street the guy gave me bad looks for the whole ride. What the hell did I do?
"NNNN!!!"
"WELL SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULDN'T HOLD A BUS!"
Most of the bus rides I sit behind someone with a problem, like one guy was really gassy another was very talkative.
When I would arrive at Woopti-do every body would greet me and I would always nod and keep about my business.
"Hey Eli."
"Hi Jody."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi Shirly."
"Hi Eli."
"Hi mom," and there was more. I went into the backroom and sat down for a minute to relax and take it easy, than I would go to the bathroom. Afterwards I would tell my mom how my day was and she would tell me to stop distracting her. I love you to. I returned to my kingdom of bleach and rice cakes A.K.A the backroom and I opened my backpack to see if i had any homework. Oh no. Whats this? No homework, well I must have a boo- oh no... oh no, [bends down on knees and looks up at sky,] OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I took my seat on Khat's chair and rested my head on my hand. I sat there for about, oh 30 minutes (no kidding) and I saw my mom checking out one of her clients and all of a sudden the phone started ringing.
"Eli can you get it, its Thomas," I quickly ran over to the phone. There was a chance to get a laugh.
In a gay voice I said, "Woopti-do this is Eli."
"Hey Eli can you give the phone to your mom?" I handed the phone to my mom and basicly what happened was Thomas was going to come by and take to the anniversary party our friends were having. My mom said he was going to be there around half an hour from now. So I took my seat on the desk and waited. Staring at the door, hoping that a bulky bald figure with a cigarette would walk in front of the door looking in. Hoping that a blue Honda would drive, smoothly, by the store. But no... never.
At one point I got up, looking for the news paper to see if I could find the sports section. It wasn't there.
Around 1 hour and 15 minutes later I saw Thomas walk by, my heart jumped and I went outside and hugged him so much.
We left after that and we went to Burgerville and I got a hamburger and fries and we both curled up with our respective sports section. We than went to see the performance, it was pretty cool, the building was dark and there was candles hanging from the ceiling.
When it was done we all hung out in the backroom joking and one thing that happened really depressed me.
..."And we can take a video of it," and everybody cracked up.
And than I said, "ya and than we could be all like hey kid this is how you were born," and everybody stopped laughing and just looked around. :(

THE END, finally

My Commercial Dream...

Watch me make millions off this new product!!!

ELI: HI ELI HACKER HERE WITH THE NEW CRAP'N'WHPE. REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES WHEN YOU HAVE A BIG DUMP AND YOU JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING OUT AFTERWARDS, WELL NO MORE WITH THE NEW CRAP'N'WHIPE YOU CAN SAFELY GET EVERYTHING OUT AFTER A DUMP.
BILLY: HOW DOES IT WORK?
ELI: WELL WITH THE NEW TITANIUM HANDS BUILT INTO YOUR TOILET IT SAFLEY REACHES INTO YOUR BUM AND TAKES OUT ALL THE REMAINING STUFF.
BILLY: WOW!!
ELI: I KNOW, WOW!
BILLY: CALL RIGHT NOW AND GET 1 CRAP'N'WHIPE FOR JUST 2 PAYMENTS OF 20 DOLLARS.
ELI: BUT WAIT IF YOU ORDER WITHIN THE NEXT 4 MINUTES YOU CAN GET 2 CRAP'N'WHIPE'S FOR ONLY 2 PAYMENTS OF 10 DOLLARS.
BILLY: BUT WERE STILL NOT DONE ORDER RIGHT NOW AND WE WILL INCLUDE 1 TITANIUM PORTOPOTTY FOR FREE, THATS RIGHT FOR FREE!!!
ELI: CALL NOW!!!

Now i realize that to some people this might be disturbing... sorry. Here is my Fred Meyer commercial!!

I SEE THE PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE
I SEE MOST OF THEM ARE FOR ME
MAYBE A NEW VIDEO GAME
OR MAYBE SOMETHING QUITE MORE LAME
I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE
ONE OF THEM IS JUST A BAD CRAFTED TOY CAR
EVEN THOUGH IT SUCKS
I WOULDN'T CARE IF THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME THAT MUCH
BECAUSE THERE FAMILY
AND I DONT CARE WHATS UNDER THE TREE
WE EAT A NICE MEAL
WE GOT A FRED MEYER
JUST LIKE A STEAL
THERE'S TURKEY AND CAKE AND CRE'ME BRULAY
I STUFF MY FACE BUT I AM SURE TO SAY THANKS FOR THIS LOVELY MEAL WE GOT AT FRED MEYER JUST LIKE A STEAL
SO GO TO FRED MEYER FOR YOUR FAMILY SHOPPING
FROM KITCHEN TO CLEANING AND EVEN MOPPING
SO GO TO FRED MEYER ANY OLD TIME
IT WILL ONLY COST YOU A LITTLE MORE THAN A DIME.



prices vary.

Traditional American Easter... and to Some People, not so Traditional

Me and my dad had been vegging out on the couch watching a cool show called Locked Up World Tour. It was a really cool show, I didn't think it was about prison, the way everyone acted. They were all happy in perky, just thinking' "ya I killed 5 people and I am spending the rest of my life in prison YEAH," or "the thing I miss most from the outside world is peanut butter flavored Captain Crunch." So ya.
When my cousin Spencer went to bed at around 8:50 or so we watched that show for about 5 more minutes, than me and my dad wanted to watch the 7th season of Star Trek.
Their was this one funny time last week were I was in class and Mr. Bacon was talking about our E.P's and he asked:
"Does anyone know who Tupac is," he asked.
I swiftly replied by saying, "ya, he is from Star Trek Voyager," and that was me being a major dufas.
Anyway we watched the last season until about midnight when I fell asleep to the sound of Tazzer's firing and starships going into space to seek out new life forms, and to boldly go where no man has gone before. Oh ya, this is the life.
In my sleep i could feel a presents walking, or should I say hopping around the room, walking to every corner of the house and hiding his little egg's every were and than setting something by the couch I was sleeping on. And afterwards I could feel him briefly stepping outside to smoke.
I woke up to what I thought was a dog barking but turned out to be my dad snoring, man if he used both the mouth piece AND the nose strip at the same time, he would still snore like hell.
Fast-forward about an hour and everyone is up and bouncing around. My cousin Spencer was playing basketball with an Easter bunny and a laundry basket... poor bunny. The bunny that I got in my Easter basket was purple and me and My dad named him Norman Shankington Esq.


At around 10 we watched the new Project Runway episode that we couldn't watch the night before because we were to busy watching TUVOC and the whole Star Trek crew. It was pretty cool.

The rest of the day I played with N.S Esq. and my magic trick kit that I could only use to do 1 magic trick.
But finally it came time to feast upon the glorious ham and sweet potato's with marshmallows and of course the beans. Very Yummy.
We watched a show called american Dance crew until my mom came over with little Jasper-boo and we bid our aunts and dads and cousins goodbye and headed on home.

He Finally Got to The Top of The Hill (Othor things you do from the top down are take a shower, clean the house and age gracefully.)

Last night was Thomas's birthday party. We had it at a very classy restaurant called Miss Delta. I sat way in the back, far away from the birthday boy, near all the gay people and co-workers. Man, I feel so loved.
Once the waiters actually cared enough to take Our order, I ordered some classic fried Chicken and 2, count em' 2, sides of Red Beans and Rice. Followed by numerous glasses of sprite and sips of Thomas's Mohita.
After all that food I felt so full that my teeth were floating in minty Red Beans and Rice, but I was surprised to find that I had the room in me to eat a deep fried apple pie. It tasted like chicken and pie, mixed together.
I had a lot of room on the booth to lie down and groan in pain.
"Help me," or "what did I ever do to you," followed by a burp is pretty much what the gay people were hearing all night long.
When my mom actually drove us home I was so happy. I crashed when I got home and had a weird dream that I got up and walked around after I tripped over the night stand, making everything fall over. And sure enough when I woke up everything was on the floor.
I was so exited to hang out with my dad at my Aunt Sandy's house. My dad said he wold be at our house, around 11:00. But knowing him he was probably going to be there super late. Thomas talked about getting to the top of the hill, because he was 40. When my dad got there we left straight away. He had Aunt Sandy's boyfriend drive us to Aunt Sandy's house.
My cousin Spencer was exited to see me. I could tell because he was all like:
"Let me show you my dwarf on W.O.W."
"Whats W.O.W?"
"Wold of Warcraft, duh," he said.

And now we are watching America's Next Top Model. Yeah
Damn it, he bunny-eared me.

Major Room clean-age,

I wonder how many times in my life I am going to have to clean my room. I realize that I don't clean my room as often as the average christian child, but when I do clean my room all the pain the comes when I clean my room weekly combines and makes one big horrible mess of pain. the only good thing about cleaning my room this time, was that my dad was there to talk to me and teach me how to make Shank's out of old twilight CDs that came with the book. Oh so much fun.
I woke up feeling like I was hungover. Which I pretty much was after the encounter I had on the road yesterday and also the encounter I had in the bathroom only 12 hours ago. 1 word... diarrhea. I hoisted myself out of my bed and hopelessly walked to the bathroom to clean my butt. Anyway, when I was done with that, I got dressed and went downstairs to find my mom pumping.
"Hey mom. Wazzup?!," I said, a little to enthusiastically for someone that had spent the last 3 out of 12 hours in the bathroom. I wonder how much time in my life I am going to spend in the bathroom. One never knows how much time they spend in the bathroom. Did you know that the average person spends 1946.667 hours in the bathroom in their life in the bathroom. I have already spent approximately 2987.37429062 hours in the bathroom. Or so it seems.
"Oh not much, son of mine," she replied with a positive tone of voice. Or surprisingly positive because last night we spent like 3 hours on the road because there was a traffic stuff. I was so bored I was reading the label on the back of the truck. I learned what a tare weight was. Now when I grow up to become a sleezy trucker I will know how close I can come to breaking the law with the weight of my load. Japanese will come in handy than because I can make the cop think I am an immigrant.
Anyway, I went to school so boring.
On the way home my mother told me that I had to clean my room when I got home no matter what. I took my glasses off and then I heard the door ring and it was my dad. We went to school and he sat on my bed reading selections from the first Library of Eli. He was reading my book, the book of Eli.
When I was cleaning under my desk I felt like a technician, trying to fix peoples cars but epically failing because 3 weeks later you find out that your client died because you accidentally put the grenade you were going to use that night to repair their car. And right now my dad is talking about how he wants to take my cousin, Spencer to the bus stop with a Carebear singing "The Fabric of Our Lives." Thats my daddy.

The last week, or so,

I have spent the last few days at my grandma's house, in Washington. It all started on Friday, the last day of school for a while because of Spring Break. I thought that Grandma was going to pick me up, so I scanned the block to see if I could find a light green Prius. I looked and I looked, but I just couldn't find it. Instead on the north side of the school I found Thomas's car. I climbed in and no surprise to me... he was texting.
"Just one second, I am replying to something on Facebook," he said. I didn't say anything, because I know if I did say something it would probably be something I would regret in the near future.
When he was done, he set down his phone and asked me how my day was.
"Oh, you know. The same. Well actually Mr. Groom was here today and Mr. Bacon told us about our E.P's," i said.
"What's and E.P," he asked me, while starting the car.
"Expert Project, we have to learn a lot of stuff about something and share it with the class," I mumbled. He nodded and started to focus on driving. There was an unusual amount of red lights on the way home. I thought maybe God wanted me and THomas to socialize. I didn't really want to talk, I had a long day at school and I wanted to keep it cool for the next week.
I guessed that he had picked me up because he had gone to the tubs to soak and left the baby with grandma. He does that a lot now. I want to go to the tubs. When we got home I found grandma with my cute little baby brother.
I picked him up and said "I love you, little one," and gave him to Thomas.
Me and the Grandmister left shortly after that. The ride to Goldendale was pretty short, considering that we listened to an audiobook all the way home.
When we got to my home away from home away from home (that is not a typo,) I layed on my bed and watched NBATV until it was 10 and I went to bed. In bed i thought about basketball.

SATURDAY:

I woke up at around 8:30 because grandma had a thing were she wanted everyone to be up when she was. I got up and she fixed me a bowl of Apple Jacks and i sat down with my t.v tray and watched NBATV for a while.
Sadly there weren't any Blazer games on the night before so I couldn't really say that the show was "interesting." That was about all I did until noon when me and grandpa went over to the Basketball court to play some good ol' b-ball. I beat him 21 to 18. He wanted to quit after that.
So we went over to Subway and I had my regular thing. Turkey, mustard, L&T, salt, pickles and onions... yum.
When we got home I watched NBATV for the rest of the afternoon and than we had some dinner, though I don't remember what it was.
Then we all went to bed, thinking about basketball.

SUNDAY:

On Sunday I woke up, drowsily to grandma's voice, again. I stayed in bed for 30 more seconds, than slowly got up and walked into thee kitchen.
"Good morning," she said to me while preparing my cereal.
"Good morning to you," i said quietly, still fighting falling asleep while standing. We small talked for the rest of the 2 minutes and 48.6 seconds i was in the kitchen and then I went into my room and watched the games from the night before and all the highlights and that stuff.
I gobbled down my cereal and took a quick shower. Afterwards I watched more NBATV and got dressed.
We went to church at 10:30 so we could be there and talk with all the other people. Paster Greg's sermon was... interesting. We left the building very slowly, so we could socialize with everyone else.
"Oh Hannah you are growing up to be such a doll."
"Don't forget our piano lessons."
"Isn't God great."
"You are so handsome."
"Oh my land what a cute dress."
"How is your sister doing?"
"Um... he is actually my brother."
"Oh (chuckle chuckle) my mistake. How is he?
"Eli, why aren't you flying those h-e-l-i-c-o-p-t-e-r-s?"
"We can't fly them with all the chairs in here, Dwayne."
"Hahahahahahahahaha."
That is just a sample of what it is like walking out of Grace Brethren Church.
I had lunch when we got home and at 2:30 Grandma took me to play some basketball at the park. There was no one there so it was kind of boring shooting with no one but myself.
When all that stuff was over grandma took me home and I watched NBATV until about 6 when grandpa took me and grandma outside to help him put up sheetrock. Most of the time I was in the corner of the shed reading an old burnt up records book but occasionally I helped.

After this was all done I watched some more NBATV and then I went to bed.

MONDAY:

I woke up, but surprisingly not to grandma's call. I laid in bed for 5 more minutes so i could rest my feet and relax. I don't know why but after 11 hours of sleep I felt that I needed rest. Funny, right?
I got out of bed and went pee so I could go drink Hot Chocolate while the tank was empty. I said hello to grandma and got my yellow ball that my mom would not let me use at her house and started playing with it using the miniature hoop.

After this was over I ate my breakfast while watching NBATV, naturally. Grandma had to go teach Piano lessons at her church so I was alone in the house for a while. During this time I watched NBATV and played with the miniature hoop.
When she got home she fixed me some Hebrew National Hotdogs, even though they were the wrong kind. The day before we had a big argument about what kind of Hotdogs are pork and which are beef.
I ended this conversation by saying that it probably wasn't either one... it was another one. AHHHH! Oh, sorry about that.
The rest of the day was kind of normal. NBATV, blazer game, dinner all that jazz.

TUESDAY:

Tuesday was a really cool day. I woke up and grandma made me breakfast and yeah. Then me and her and my aunt Jessica left to go to The Dalles to go shopping and see the new Alice in Wonderland story.
The movie was great, though Johnny Depp was in it way more than he needed to be. We got a bottle warmer for my brother and that was about it.
When we got back home nothing much really happened. Except I had a great dinner of soup and crackers.

WEDNESDAY:

On Wednesday I couldn't focus because all I could think about was going to the park and playing Basketball. We left to go to the park at one, but we found a lot of kids there. So we went and did some errands first and then we came back but there were still a bunch of kids there.
So i decided to go and play with them, no matter what. At first it didn't work so well. It went something like this.
(Snicker.) "He is white."
"Hahahahahahahahah."
"Oh he can dribble it through his legs. He is like Michael Jordan," followed by an attempt to dribble through his legs followed by the ball ending up in the middle of the street. Now who's Michael Jordan, dumbbutt.
Than I found some people to play a game with and I came out with 10 points. By the end I was exhausted so when I got the ball I passed it to someone.

By the time this was all over I came home and went to bed, thinking about Basketball.

(I am going to skip Thursday because nothing happened.)

FRIDAY:

On friday we woke up at 7 so we could go see GG and Gramps.
On thee way down we listened to this Mary Higgins Clark audio book about, well nevermind.
Ok just to put this in perspective we drove 3 and a half hours to go to Burgerking. But I guess we say GG and Gramps.
When we got to Portland we picked up Jasper. He was so cute!!!

GG and gramps got to hold him.

And then we went home, and that was it.

THE END.

Life is Beginning to feel like a Routine,

My life is beginning to start to feel like a routine again. Everyday I wake up and go to school and stay at school and than go to my mom's salon and be bored all the time that I am there. That is exactly what happened today. I woke up, feeling very dizzy, and got out of bed. I was rubbing my back all the way from out of bed to the dresser to put my cloths on. I threw on the new jeans my mom got for me the day earlier. They were a tight fit but they looked fantastic on me. I put on my shirt and walked out of my crappy door.
When I got downstairs I found my mom on the couch pumping milk for my brother. She said hello and I said the same. After that there was a weird awkward silence. Than I went into the kitchen and got myself a bowl of cereal to eat. It was the banana almond kind that I hated, but I ate it anyway because I was hungry as hell.
Than I realized that today was a late start, the day were are school is so lazy they start school 3 hours later. Yep that's our school all right.

My mom left for work a couple minutes ago and now me and Thomas are watching NBATV from the night before. It was A spurs vs. Heat game and the Heat were getting blown out at home. I heard the doorbell ring and that was the sign that my brothers nanny was here, which meant that me and Thomas were going to go to school pretty soon... after he was done texting.
After the usual greetings were over me and Thomas left and started listening to the local radio station. That was fun. I told him that there was going to be a blazer game tomorrow. He said "ok," in a bored voice.
When we finally got to school I went to hang with Milo by the side of the school were he usually was. We said hi right as the bell rang so our meeting was cut short.
Japanese was boring, we were writing a persuasive letter to the principal about whether year round school was good or not. Math was boring to, we talked about finding the area of a circle and how to find the area of a shapes net. In science, Mr. Groom was gone again, so we watched that moon movie. Which was fun. In Language we played a literature game which shouldn't be characterized as a game because it was so boring.

Mr. Groom is gone again,

Today was March 15th and I am still recovering from Friday. I got 3 extra hours of sleep on Sunday, but that wasn't enough. I feel like I am high. So today i went to school feeling like crap. Yeah! I got to school early because I bugged Thomas to leave early but we left a little to early. We listened to hard rock songs the whole way there. And when we pulled up to the school i saw my friend Robert walking up to school. And he was walking with sunglasses and walking slowly, and with the rock music in the back ground it was like he was a super hero. The funny thing was I didn't see him later.
Anyway I got to school and I found my friend Julian waiting on the front lawn.
"Hey Eli Jelly Belly Nelly," he says to me. By the way that is his nickname for me.
"Hey Juliano Pigiano," i reply, and that is my nickname for him. He tells me about how he had been standing there for an hour and how he has been so bored. I keep saying that that's great over and over. When William and Henry get here we talk about the sleep over and how fun it was, ad I repeatedly point out that I got NO FREAKING' SLEEP! When school starts I go into Japanese class and that was so much fun. (Sarcasm sarcasm.) when we get into Social Study's we make this timeline thing that was super boring. Math wasn't that fun either. Science was cool because we had the trucker sub again and we went out side to shoot off our "cough rockets" again. Mr. Groom was sick again.

Nerf guns and couch patatos

R+ight now I am in the middle of a war feild. Some might call it spending the night at a friends house, I would call it... War. This is it. I finally get a chance to kill people. Thats always what I wanted to do.
Inbetween the random assasinations and the loud sound effects I see Dr. Peppers being spilt and big hairy dogs coming up the stairs, knocking peoples controllers out of there hands. Right now Milo is shooting me while playing video games... that takes skill.
The conversations we have go something like this:
"Danmit Eli i'm on your team," and "what the hell that was so cheap," and "just shoot the danm gun, you are going to die if you don't shoot."
Man, i wish someone coould see this so I could have proof of this.
"HELLICOPTERS SCARE ME, AHHHHHHHH DANMIT," is what Milo just said. Every other word that comes out of there mouth is danmit. I am in te middle of a battle feild right now.
"AHHHHH GODDANMIT, ELI WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU," Henry asked me
"NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME YOU 3@#$%," i said after that remark.
And now all of us are singing the Beyoc'e song, All The Single ladys.
"I would rather get killed in war than commit suicid," William said. I feel like I am finally getting a taste of the army. Exept we are on the couch drinking soda and yelling "SPOT CHECK," all day long.

Plaid trucker subs and textbooks

Today was interesting, starting at the very beginning it went something like this.
Eli woke up at 6:30 am even though he didn't need to because his school started at 9 and it didn't take 3 hours to get ready. Anyway Eli stayed in bed for 10 more minutes because he new he was waking up to early and so he slept a little past his alarm. Than it hit him, today was a shower day and he had to go and take one. But wait there was a way out. But if it didn't work he would have to take a shower in shame.
He got out of bed and walked down the stairs in to the kitchen where his mom was waiting for him.
"Why aren't you in the shower?" She asked him.
Sweat trickled down his face and bleed through his shirt as he said "because my butt is clean," he said nervously.
"Lets make sure," she said.

After that Eli got in the car and he and his mom drove to school. She made him walk again today and that bummed Eli out. In the morning he went to Japanese class and that was boring in math he got to get new text books in science they had a trucker sub wearing plaid. In Language Arts he read a poem called caged bird.


The free bird leaps
on the back of the win
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hillfor the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Back to School (And how I am going to bring my grades up.)

A couple days ago my mom's car broke down and so she couldn't come and get me on Sunday. So our plan was for me to stay over on Sunday and Monday and than on Tuesday morning we would wake up really early in the morning and drive down to Portland in grandpa's Pick-up. We took the Pick-up so my mom could go to Home Depot and get Cinder Blocks for her new Garden.
So on Sunday I watched NBA TV and played Basketball like I said in my other Blog. On Monday I was so bored it wasn't even funny. I watched the same highlights over and over again.
On Tuesday Grandma woke me up and we ate a very healthy breakfast of Apple Jacks. And than we were on the road to Portland yeha!
We listened to an audio book by Mary Higgins Clark. It was very very suspenseful. When we finally got to school no one believed that I had just driven down from Washington even though I did.
In the morning we had Japanese which wasn't long at all. Then we had testing in Math, which was a breeze. After that we had Advisory with a sub. And then lunch and recess. Health sucked and so did Science but Language Arts was fun because we had a sub. My mom picked me up from school and told me to get my grades up (good ol' mom,) and than we went to Portland nursery to get a composter that we are going to use to compost diapers. Grandma was at home waiting for us and I got to hang with hom for the rest of the night.

P.S The blazers won last night to the Kings.

George Bush... Fail

I thought this was super funny!!!

March 7th... I can't think of a better name,

Yesterday was fun. The day started off by me waking up and watching NBATV, of course. And then I took a shower and got dressed and me and grandma went to church... sigh. Paster Greg's sermon was about the devil and, honestly it sounded like he was talking about World of Warcraft.
"We are in a war and maybe the devil is going to send out one of his sergeants or privets to get you!!" Um... okay.
Anyway me and grandma made a deal that after church she and me would go out to the basketball court and she would do Bible study in the car and I would play basketball. And so I waited and waited, watching NBATV and Sports-center (only when it was on Basketball,) and I watched a Magic vs. Laker game which came down to the wire and L.A would have won if Kobe had seen Pau Gasol in the corner with and open jumper. Grandma also made cookies for me and grandpa. Yum.
After that it was about 2:30 so we went to the park and I played basketball by myself. Than these guys came over and kept picking up my ball and throwing it back to me.
They asked me if i wanted to play a game. I said sure. So we played 2 on 1 (I was the 1.) I started with the ball. I used my jimmy legs to fake him out and he would fall down than to the other guy I faked right went left behind the back shot up the shot and... swish. (That was for you mom.)
It was 8 to zip by 3:00 but then they mounted a comeback. I was getting tired of blocking there shots and stealing the ball, so I slacked on defense but I still won 16 to 10. I remember a great shot were I was coming out of and inbound and shot it up behind the backboard and it went in!
Now and Grandmas house I average 19.4 points a game... take that Derek Rose.

Brandon Jennings... The Hair Man

Brandon Jennings is now my favorite player in the NBA right now mostly because of his hair. He has the coolest hair in the history of the NBA. The cool thing about Brandon Jennings is that he changes his hair style a lot.

Brandon is so full of himself. When he was at the rookie challenge in Dallas he was all like "my fans," this and "my fans," that.
On July 16, 2008, Jennings signed with Lottomatica Roma of the Italian Lega A.] The contract he signed with Roma was for $1.65 million net income guaranteed and after earning the contract with Lottomatica, Under Armour gave Jennings a $2 million contract to showcase their products in the Euroleague. Jennings was the first player to play for a European team rather than play for a college basketball team since the NBA's age restriction rule was implemented.
In the Italian Lega A 2008-09 season, Jennings averaged in 27 games, 5.5 points, 1.6 rebounds, 2.2 assists, and 1.5 steals in 17.0 minutes per game. He shot 35.1 percent from the field and 20.7 percent from 3 point range in Lega A play. In 16 Euroleague games, Jennings averaged 7.6 points, 1.6 rebounds, 1.6 assists, and 1.2 steals in 19.6 minutes per game. In the Euroleague he shot 38.7 percent from the field and 26.8 percent from 3 point range
Jennings was selected tenth overall by the Milwaukee Bucks in the 2009 NBA Draft. He became the first player who skipped college to play professional basketball in Europe to be drafted by an NBA team. Jennings also made a notable appearance at the draft. He had initially decided not to attend the draft and preferred to be at a family function during the draft. After he was drafted by the Bucks, he left the family function and headed to the Madison Square Garden. He later came out on the stage after the 14th pick was announced to have his picture taken with the NBA commissioner David Stern, just like all drafted players who attend the draft.



During Jennings' NBA regular season debut on October 30, 2009 against the Philadelphia 76ers, Jennings recorded 17 points, 9 rebounds, 9 assists, and hit 2 three-point shots, just shy of a triple-double and played 34 minutes. In the second game on October 31, 2009 against the Detroit Pistons, also the debut in Bradley Center, Jennings scored 16 points during the third quarter and a team-high 24 points for the game to lead the Milwaukee Bucks to their first victory of the 2009–10 regular season.
On November 14, 2009, after a scoreless first quarter, Jennings scored 29 points in the 3rd quarter against Golden State en route to a total of 55 points in the game to break the team record for most points by a rookie, previously set by Lew Alcindor in 1970. Jennings' performance was the most points scored by a rookie since Earl "The Pearl" Monroe scored 56 in 1968. He became the youngest player to ever score 55, collecting the second-highest total for a player under 21, behind only LeBron James' 56 points in March 2005, and the second-most points scored by a Milwaukee Buck (behind Michael Redd's 57 in 2006).
On February 2, 2010, he was selected to compete in the Taco Bell Skills Challenge.

This might only be interesting to me.



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